Please, Kami-sama! Please, please, please, please let there be no more distractions this morning! I'm late for my test, dangit! thought Ranma as he rushed through the streets of Tokyo. Shortcut! Shortcut!
He found one in the form of a mini-mall. There was an entrance at the front and back, and there was a more-or-less unblocked way through this structure. Happily, he threw open the door, intending to rip straight through and he was home free.
Unfortunately...
*POP!* *flash flash flash*
"CONGRADULATIONS!!!" came an excited voice coming from a man wearing a cheesy Groucho-glasses disguise. "You are this store's ONE MILLIONTH CUSTOMER!!!" Ranma's vision was filled with camera flashes marking this hysteric occasion, while a banner fluttered down from the celing saying, "CONGRADULATIONS 1,000,000th CUSTOMER-SAN!"
Rivers of tears spilled from Ranma's eyes. Kami-sama, you suck! he thought.
"See how he cries rivers of joy!" announched the annoying man. "Yes, you are the one millionth customer of this mini-mall! Fifteen months ago, this mall opened to serve the electronics needs of Nerima—"
"Dispite the fact that it's in Tokyo..." came a whisper.
"And it took them that long to get a millionth customer? What's wrong with these people?" asked another.
"—and it is YOU who get that honor! It's time to celebrate!" cheered the annoying man with the annoying disguise.
"Um, I'm in kind of a hurry..." began Kamiya Ranma.
"This is your moment, mister one-millionth-customer-san! You have the choice of any merchandise in the store, for free!" interrupted the annoying man jubulantly.
"Ah, I need to take a test, actually..." pleaded Ranma, sweating a bit.
"Ah! A student on the run! Then certainly you will be interested in the newest system from Apfel Komputer!" He turned around. "Come on out and meet your new user, X-tan!"
A girl clad mostly in white sauntered out. Her hair was long and blonde, her eyes green glittering pools, her breasts large and bouncy as she sashayed toward her new user. She was dressed in a dark grey bodysuit that left her arms and legs bare. A white miniskirt came four inches below her hips, and a short, translucent overskirt went over that. She had a white jacket on, buttoned to her side with a red jewel button at the top, just above her left breast, a yellow button just below that breast, and a green button at the very bottom. Thigh-high grey stockings covered her legs, and white shoes protected her dainty feet.
The black scarf with a superimposed white bit apple wrapped around the jacket's collar. Atop her head sat a black-bordered white cap with a cap shaped vaguely like one found on a stereotypical French guy. (You know the style: black tight pants, black and white striped shirt, and a funny cap.) At her hip sat a large golden apple.
She smiled as she gazed upon her new user, revealing an enlarged canine. He was a cutie! "Hello! Welcome to MacOS X! Please follow these few easy steps and register!" she said cheerfully to Ranma.
Ranma anxiously glanced at his watch. "Can we snap it up? I'm gonna be late for my test!"
"This will take but a few minutes. Name?"
"Kamiya Ranma," responded the student automatically.
"Password?"
Ranma frowned. He didn't understand what M.E.-tan was saying about a password the first time around, and he certainly didn't understand what X-tan was saying about a password now. "Emmy-san asked me that already," sighed Ranma.
"Repeat that?"
"'Emmy-san asked me that already!'" he repeated, more loudly.
"Address?"
Ranma told her.
"Would you like to configure me for internet?"
"Er, better not. Donno what that is."
"Registration complete! Enjoy your experience with MacOS X-tan! Ukyuu!" chirped X-tan before jumping at her user and giving him a big, firm hug.
"Oro?!" Ranma uttered confused. Something much like this happened before. Namely, with M.E.-tan. Except M.E.-tan didn't hug him, nor was she as stacked as X-tan. On the other hand, M.E.-tan was doing nude cheerleading routines. Then again, it's not like there was much between him and X-tan's breasts. All told, therefore, Ranma's nasal hemorrhage was a slow trickle rather than the full flow it was for M.E.-tan.
"And mister one-millionth-customer-san accepts his new system as his prize! Congratulations!" said the annoying man.
"YAY!!!" came X-tan's exuberant cheer. She hugged Ranma tighter, letting Ranma feel every detail of her large chest.
*BLOOO!*
A secondary explosion from Ranma's nose blew past X-tan's ear, as she felt her user slack in her arms. "Ranma-sama? System Administrator Ranma, what's wrong?" asked X-tan, somewhat alarmed. Not even five minutes with her new user, and already a crash!
"I... I'm okay..." Ranma said, somewhat groggy. He looked up to address the celebratory party, "Listen you... eh? Where did they go?"
Sure enough, there was no trace at all of the obnoxious announcer and the gaggle of attendants.
"System Administrator Ranma?" asked X-tan, concerned.
Ranma waved off her attempts to comfort him again, as her forwardness was part of the reason he was so woozy in the first place. "I'm okay. Really," he said, "Crap... I gotta get to class for my test!"
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(Posted Fri, 21 May 2004 04:25)
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