Age 18
Or was it 19? Ranma was never one to follow Kuno's birthdays, or listen to his pompous asinine speeches for that matter.
“Saotome!” Kuno shouted as he stormed closer to the pigtailed fiend. “It’s your fault that I cannot be with Akane!”
Ranma groaned outwardly, though inwardly he was glad for this. There wasn’t a turn off like some more Kuno idiocy! “What is it now, Kuno?”
“Do not feign ignorance with me!” Kuno shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Ranma. “Thou has worked against me, using mine utmost divine plan to save Akane from your dark magics against me! Admit it!”
Ranma blinked in confusion a couple of times. It was always hard to figure out what new delusion Kuno came up with, especially because of the weird way he spoke. “You mean Akane was sent away because of you?”
“Of course!” Kuno puffed with pride. “Without your presence, the fair maiden Akane Tendo would be freed from your utmost vile ways and base lusts.” Kuno then glared openly at Ranma. “But now, you have gone and made it so that now I cannot follow my maiden fair to America!”
The pigtailed martial artist stared at the idiot kendoist for some time before answering. “... How did I do that? It would be great if you could go.” Ranma said honestly, thinking a vacation from Kuno would be fantastic. Let Akane deal with him, he wasn’t a real threat anyway, more like an annoyance.
Smiling in pride, Kuno nodded his head. “Yes, it would be great if the noble scion of the house of Kuno could go to the land of the far West.” Kuno then looked t Ranma menacingly. “So give me what is rightfully mine!” Kuno demanded, shaking an angry fist at Ranma.
Ranma raised his hands in placating gestures, thinking that for once he might avoid a fight with Kuno. “I haven’t done nothing, Kuno. Honest. If you can go with Akane then all the more power to you.”
And then it happened. For the first time in his life... Kuno believed Ranma. “Perhaps thou dost not know anything...” He said smugly. “It must be the plot of other some nefarious fellow, who wishes to use the noble Blue Thunder’s own plan as to sweep the fierce tigress off her feet in the land of the Setting Sun!”
“That means you should go save her, huh?” Ranma couldn't believe it! He was actually talking some sense into Kuno and about to get rid of him!
Smirking, Kuno held his bokken high. “Yes! Hear me out, and let it be known! The Great Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, shell henceforth make plans to head to the fabled land of Quagmire!”
Ranma nodded but remained silent, not wanting to mess this up.
However, it was then that Kassy stepped out of the store with her bag in hand. “Okay, Ranma, I got my uniforms!”
Hearing Kassy’s voice, Ranma instantly straightened and resumed looking nervous. “Uh... Okay!”
Blinking his eyes, Kuno was taken out of his thoughts for heading to the land of the United States. Narrowing his eyes, he pointed at Kassy. “YOU!”
Blinking her eyes, Kassy used her free hand to point to herself. “Me?”
Ranma frowned. If Kuno even thought of insulting Kassy...
“Yes, you!” Kuno shouted. “What does a gaijin think to be here? Sullying the great land of the rising sun with her presence!”
“Look, asshole!” Ranma started in an uncharacteristic show of anger.
Kuno was caught off-guard by the new use of language from Ranma. “Ah, at last the vulgar sorcerer uses language befitting his role as a peasant.”
“Whatever.” Ranma stomped over to Kuno and glared at the True Blunder. “You better take back what you said. Now!”
“I will not!” Kuno shouted in Ranma’s face. Turning his head to look at the woman, he took his bokken from his side and pointed at her. “This foul gaijin’s presence stinks up the fair and beauteous island nation of Japan. Low, she best get back to where she came, and live as the slime that she was born from.” Kuno spat. “After all, her worthlessness as a low-brow American will tarnish the honor of my Japanese samurai heritage!”
Ranma stared at Kuno calmly, too calmly, before tightly speaking. “Good night, Kuno...”
However, before Ranma could knock Kuno’s lights out, Kassy beat him to the punch. “Now, WAIT A MINUTE HERE!”
“Kassy... You might not want to talk to this guy.” Ranma started.
Dropping her bags down to the ground, Kassy ignored Ranma and stomped over to the two. “Listen, jerkoff, I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but I am not going to take this shit from you!”
Staring cross-eyed at the finger pointed at his nose, Kuno seethed in anger. “Why you insolent, peasant!”
Ranma groaned. Kassy was about to make the biggest mistake of her life and, following usual female behavior, refused to hear him out.
“Peasant?” Kassy repeated. “PEASANT!? Look here asshole, I am not just some peasant!” Moving her finger from his nose, she poked Kuno in the chest again and again, pushing him back. “I am not some low-brow, lower-class slob like some dick-cheese I’m looking at right now!”
“Um... Kassy...” Ranma tried but was, again ignored.
Kuno winced each time he was pushed. Those pokes were hurting. “Now see-” “Shut the hell up!” Kassy shouted, to Kuno or Ranma, it was hard to tell, but probably Kuno. “You have no right to speak to me, THE CROWNED PRINCESS OF SALUSIA, LIKE SOME SORT OF LOWLY PEON ON THE STREET!”
Kuno was flabbergasted at THAT statement. “W-what!?”
Blinking his eyes for a moment, Ranma shook his head and sighed. “Baka.”
“You heard me!” She poked him again and again, pushing him further out of the market area. “And I’m not going to let some sort of piss-ant, prejudice, ethnocentric samurai-wannabe push me around, just because he thinks himself god’s gift to the earth and that all Americans are slime. SO TAKE A HIKE, ASSHOLE!” She then pushed him over a guardrail, sending Kuno to land in the canal...
...Which happened to be empty. Boy, with the way his spine was wrapping around that wave-breaker, one could tell Kuno was going to be feeling THAT in the morning.
Shaking his head, Ranma closed his eyes and groaned. “You really did it now, you know?”
“What?” Kassy asked as she turned to look at Ranma. “Done what now?”
Ranma opened his eyes and was about to say Kuno would now be after Kassy like he was after Akane... But... Upon seeing the ears... And his mind bringing up the memory of her furry form. The pigtailed martial artist’s last normal thought was to wonder if he’d somehow gotten Tofu’s sickness.
He started laughing nervously and scratching the back of his head. “So you’re a princess, huh? Heh.”
Looking at Ranma curiously, Kassy nodded her head. “Yeah. Didn’t you know?”
In response, Ranma shook his head rapidly.
“Oh!” Kassy said with a blush. “Sorry about that then. I thought you people were briefed a bit on me before I came here.”
“Well... Not really!” Ranma laughed nervously again, making a complete ass of himself. The sight of Kassy covered in fur messed him up.
Kassy sighed. She rubbed her head and wondered if this was normal for Nerima.
Shaking her head, Kassy decided that there was no use crying over spilt milk. Looking at Ranma, she asked him, “Care to get my bags?”
“Sure!” Ranma cried out and picked them up effortlessly, a goofy smile on his face.
Watching the pigtailed boy’s antics, Kassy smiled a bit. “Thank you,” She said. “Now, where shall we head to for lunch?”
Ranma was about to suggest the Ucchan’s or the Nekohanten, but stopped on a sudden realization. If the girls saw him the way he was now... “There’s a nice café a few blocks that way.”
“Okay,” Kassy said nicely. “My treat.”
Ranma resisted the urge to start dancing and calling the bags on his arm ‘Betty’ and followed after Kassy.
(Something Else?)
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(Posted Tue, 29 Jun 2004 13:38)
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