Vash tipped his hat back, even though it really wasn't need in this climate. He looked at the ambling public and the semi-interested police officer.
"So this is really Earth?" the red-garbed man asked.
"Yes, for the fifth time, this is Earth. More importantly, this is Paragon City which has way too many weirdos. Are you sure you're a super-hero?" the policeman said. He glared at the pistol- toting man with a glare that could peel varnish at fifty feet.
It, of course, had absolutely no affect on Vash. "It's so green! And alive! So much different than Gunsmoke!" With total disregard for propriety, Vash leaned over to look at a flower in the small garden. "I can almost feel the love and peace in the air."
"Look, buddy..."
"Call me Vash the Stampede!"
"If you aren't going to help me with that art heist going down, I'll track down some other hero to help me."
"Nope! Can't have that. The nice guy behind the counter said that I needed to help out around here and I aim to do that. So where are these theives? I'll just go have a word with them." Vash held up his two fingers in a victory sign.
Officer Blane just sighed. Oh well, sending someone else to rescue this clown was a valid mission parameter that he was allowed to use. "Let me set it on your GPS, okay?"
-
"Find that painting! Don't let anyone stand in your way!" barked out the deep, but muffled voice. A chorus of voices answered him. The black and red outfit he wore was not only intimidating, it was quite funtional as body armor.
"I think I found it, Sir!" One of his underlings was carrying a painting up to him.
"Hey now, I don't think that belongs you," a voice drawled out from the doorway.
"Who are you?" the Nebel Elite Oberst asked. Even his full mask and helm couldn't hide his vexation.
"I'm Vash the Stampede!" He stepped up dramatically and suddenly posed with one hand up, his two fingers spread out to symbolize "v" for victory. "And I'm here to spread Love and Peace! LOVE AND PEACE!"
"That has to be the most stupid battlecry I've ever heard." The Nebel Elite Oberst looked over at his sqaud. "I want that hero on the ground in five seconds. Who can do that?" he snapped out.
They tried. With grenades. With guns. With flamethrowers. Even with their bare fists. But somehow, they just couldn't hit the irritating gunslinger. He seemed to be almost inept, but every weapon used against him was either shot out of their hands unerringly or dropped when the 5th Column soldier was tossed around like children. Very small children.
But never seriously hurting him! Even their leader could barely touch the fellow, much less seriously hurt him. But oh, did they try. They did try so ever so hard!
Finally after three floors of mayhem and destruction (resulting in over three hundred thousand dollars worth of destruction of irreplacable art) the 5th Column hit squad lay in a pile of groaning bodies. Vash was having a fairly slow day by his standards.
"Now boys, what do you have to say?" Vash asked cheerfully, looking barely winded. "Come on now! Love and Peace!"
"Someone just shoot me, please?" the Nebel Elite Oberst managed to whimper out.
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See other episodes by Arthur Hansen
(Posted Sat, 17 Jul 2004 08:10)
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