"Because in order to put down human stupidity and ensure stability and the continued peace and prosperity of my people," said the Invincible Overlord, "I have to be a ruthless bastard quite a lot of the time. What kind of merciless despot would I be if I let them be 'guardians of love and justice?' Would anyone even take my edicts seriously if I didn't implement some serious alterations in their modus operandi?"
"Their what?" Ranma asked, thinking this was something hentai.
"Had to make them less cute and more credible as a threat," said the Invincible Overlord.
"Ah," said Ranma, understanding that a bit more.
"I had to tweak the process a bit, invent new sciences," said the Overlord. "You can imagine my disappointment in having to take time away from ruling over my legions."
"Yeah, I can imagine," said Ranma, the sarcasm going right over his head.
"These were my first successes," said the Overlord, leading Ranma to a parade ground overlook. He clicked a button on one armored sleeve. "Well, sort of."
A large group of soldiers marched past.
"They look like the same gal," pointed out Ranma.
"In a way they are," said the Overlord, saluting and being saluted by the various identical looking and identically dressed troops. "These are the Jupiter troops. I had fifty of each of them done with a minor magical enhancement at first. They are absolutely identical and almost perfect soldiers with superhuman strength and the ability to take extreme amounts of punishment. It requires better than a .22 calibre weapon to penetrate their skin even at point blank range."
Ranma looked at the ponytailed troops going by with a little more respect. "So what's wrong with them?"
"They, like the other Senshi clones, have personality elements similar to their originals." The Overlord shook his helmeted head sadly again. "They'd rather be in Supply and make meals, and they keep switching into maid uniforms and cleaning places. Here come the Mercury troops. Excellent medics, lousy marksmen. Here comes the Venus troops. Good communications, but keep them away from sharp weaponry."
"There's fifty of the Jupiters and fifty Mercuries," pointed out Ranma. "How come there's only forty-two Venuses?"
"Like I said - keep them away from sharp weaponry. And moving machinery for that matter," said the Overlord with a pained groan. "AH! The Mars brigade. Much better. Excellent marksmen. Often tempremental though, and sometimes you have to keep them from chasing guys. Sometimes to kiss them, other times to kill them. It can be a problem."
"I guess," said Ranma. "Why so many?"
"Trying to get the hang of the process," admitted the Overlord. "Here come the Moon Units."
"There's only twelve of them," said Ranma, a little uneasily.
"Never give them live ammunition," said the Overlord. "How that one had gotten a grenade I don't know. There are times when the word 'Oops' just has a certain final ring to it."
"Oh dear," said Ranma.
"Each of them have their problems, at least as far as troops go," said the Overlord. "The Uranus troops excel as racers and the Neptune troops are quite good in the espionage area. Put the two together and you risk opening a closet door and having a torrid girl on girl sex scene playing out in your kitchen. Some people wouldn't have a problem with that, but it can get very inconvenient."
"Hah?" asked Ranma.
"Never mind," said the Overlord, putting more weight into his daughter's recommendations for Ranma.
"Ah," said Ranma, watching the various ranks of girls go past. "They're ah."
"High maintenance." The Overlord looked out over his various troops and nodded. "Just the bills for makeup alone. Not to mention the food. The hairdryers, the arguments, the squabbles. There's still that odd connection among them. A success in some ways, a failure in others. Ah, here comes the second group."
"What's with the armor?" asked Ranma, eyeing the second group. Looked like four of each if the color scheme and odd pieces of armor that varied from one to another was an indication.
"High impact ceramics and plastics combined with metal," said the Overlord. "Ideal for parade and honor guard. I'm going to have to write this one off as a failure too. All of them have minor genetic enhancements but if a cute boy is anywhere to be seen, well there - a perfect example!"
Ranma stared in disbelief as one group stopped to stare at him, crashed into by the group behind them, followed by a - he wasn't sure what to call it. It was sort of like some horrible traffic accident in slow motion where everything started colliding and tripping over each other in a mess.
It took a few moments for the field to be clear after that, and Ranma could swear he'd see one or another of the armored heads peeking around corners of the stadium at him later.
"And I thought by crossing animal traits into the magical spectrum and adding it into the genetic matrix, I could create superior fighters," said the Overlord to himself. "Now they just want to find a cute boy to cuddle with. Maybe if I find a few volunteers they can get that itch taken care of and they'll settle down."
"That explains the tails," said Ranma as he put that together.
"I'll be scrapping the armor eventually," said the Overlord sadly. "The cooling mechanism is overloaded. Fur. Ah, they're off the field. Now for the Dark Senshi."
"I still think calling 'em 'Dark' Senshi is kinda cliche," pointed out Ranma. "They're working for you, grandpa. That means they're still working to keep the peace and in the name of the law and all that. It's just your law."
The Overlord stared at his grandson for a moment. "Ranma. That was actually an intelligent observation. There may be hope for you after all."
"Well thanks, I -" Ranma frowned and shut his mouth.
"Anyway here we are, and while they look identical physically to the originals, their outfits and powers have been altered a bit," said the Overlord, who was honest enough to admit to himself at least that some would not regard these as improvements.
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(Posted Mon, 02 Aug 2004 10:50)
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