"Now, that's interesting..." thought Grace-chan aloud. "Kuonji Ukyou-sama is a girl."
Her eyes widened at that revelation. "A GIRL?!" she yelped. "Sheesh, Hanaukyou-sama messed up bad! Ukyou-sama isn't his grandson; she's his granddaughter!" She took a few breaths, centering herself. Okay, so the new master was actually a mistress. Big deal. She could deal with that. "That's what you get for not doing your homework, Hanaukyou-sama."
A wicked smile appeared on her lips as she contemplated. "Looks like those Personal Service maids are going to embarrass themselves!" she speculated with a chuckle.
3 ... 2 ... 1 ...
A Hanaukyo Hakusai Film
"Ah, Ukyou... my only sweet grandson. I am overjoyed you've come," stated the voice of an old man as visions of an island filled with topless, almost bare and scantily clad babes cast itself onto the screen. There was no sign of the old geezer himself, however.
'Sweet grandson'? C'mon, gramps. It's not like Ah hid it all that well. Ya coulda easily found out if ya put yer mind to it, thought Ukyou.
The old man's voice continued, "My only daughter, your mother, chose to elope with that loser of an okonomiyaki peddler—"
"'Peddler'! Who's th' loser, ya—!!" blurted the heir to the estate as she stood up and reached back for her spatula.
"Master," came the stern but gentle voice of Mariel sitting beside her.
Wordlessly, Ukyou regained her seat.
"She borned me a grandson with a name using the last two characters of our family. Her tribute to our proud line, perhaps," continued the old man's voice, still neither hide nor hair of him. "Ukyou, I've been waiting for you to come, for I have decided to live in this paradise for the rest of my life. This place is really nice."
Ukyou noted the really scantily clad (sometimes exposed) and well-built maidens appearing on the movie screen. Golly, Ah can't imagine why you'd want to stay there, gramps... she thought with not a small amount of sarcasm.
One of the maidens gave the camera this really saucy look, then with a brush of her own hair back, she disappeared from the shot... down. The camera pointed up at the sky. "This place is heaven! With that excuse, I've decided to leave all my assets to you. How do you like that? Do you like it? You can do anything to those maids!"
Ukyou glared at the unseen Hanaukyou Hakusai.
The creepy voice giggled in a distinctly hentai way. "I know this all sounds like a dream, but it's true. I'm so envious. Anyway, I leave the rest to you. I'm counting on you; I trust you..."
The credits scrolled past the screen. The lights came up.
"What was that all about?" asked Ukyou, watching the screen as all the names (all female save for the prominently displayed Hanaukyou Hakusai) scrolled past the screen.
"It was the old master's hobby!" said Mariel cheerfully, not completely in answer. "Do you understand now, Master?"
Ukyou glared at Mariel. "How can Ah? This is all so sudden!" she protested. "And Ah find it real weird you'd want me ta understan' all this! What... gives?" Ukyou trailed off as she noticed that Mariel was still smiling even through her outburst.
Mariel stood, happy as a clam. "Finally I meet you. From now on, I serve you with all my heart," she declared.
Ukyou stared at her. If only it was Ran-chan sayin' those words, she thought wistfully, blushing. Then she caught herself, shaking her head of the sentimental cobwebs. NO! Saotome Ranma's a creep! And one a' these days, Ah'll track 'im down and steal his manhood like he stole my womanhood!
"One more thing: This reel will self destruct..." came the final words of the old master of the house. The credits had just ended, and the word "End" was printed across the screen, along with a countdown that had just changed to zero.
<<< *KA-BLOOOM!!!* >>>
The movie projector detonated, fire and rubble exploding from the projector room into the theater, catching them in the face. The dust settled, leaving a slightly carboned Ukyou and Mariel. Ukyou blinked her bugged-out eyes, while Mariel simply kept her calm composure. "What a retro thing ta do!" declared Ukyou. Mariel simply laughed.
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(Posted Sun, 29 Aug 2004 01:53)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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