Accessing Excel Saga module...
Uh...
You're sure about this, are you?
WHAT?
I mean, you have seen this show, right?
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES THAT MAKE? HURRY UP AND ACCESS, PARSERBOY!
Ooookaaaaay. Just don't say I didn't warn you. On behalf of Koshi Rikdo, I hereby give permission to turn Excel Saga into a crossover text adventure game! *BIGREDSTAMP*
You're not sure how long you've been sailing, still female and still stark nude, through the air. You're pretty sure you're not in - or, rather, over - Tokyo anymore. Normally this wouldn't worry you, since it happens all the time, but without your clothes you don't have your All-Japan bus pass with you, so getting back home may be problematic.
Rather more problematic, however, is the speed at which you're plummetting toward the ground.
YAWN. FLIP IN MIDAIR, PIVOT MY BODY, AND LAND SAFELY ON MY FEET.
Y'know, if you'd just done that from the beginning, you wouldn't have had to use the stinking CHEAT CODE.
C'MON, GET ON WITH IT.
Okay, okay. You perform all sorts of nimble gymnastics and brace yourself for landing. You must have done something right, because a moment later you're standing, safe and sound, on the soft and lumpy sidewalk.
HAIL A TAXI... WAIT. WHY IS THE SIDEWALK SOFT AND LUMPY?
Funny you should ask that. It seems that, against all probability, you've landed on someone. A young woman, in fact.
OOPS! GET OFF WOMAN.
I don't think this is the time for that! Besides, you don't even know her.
WHAT ARE YOU...? OH. I GET IT. VERRRRRY FUNNY.
Well, I thought so...
STEP OFF WOMAN AND HELP HER STAND UP.
Okay, you are no longer aboard the innocent bystander. She doesn't seem to be responding to your offer of help, however.
HMM. EXAMINE WOMAN.
She looks to be a year or two older than you - probably recently graduated from high school. She's very attractive, with pleasantly pale skin, long tousled purple-blue hair, and a quite voluptuous body.
...SHAMPOO?
Good guess, but no. She's wearing a rather outlandish red and black outfit, which sports a revealing miniskirt and shoulderpads that could double as aircraft carriers. Oh, and as far as you can tell, she's dead.
DEAD?!
Yep. The spreading puddle of blood seems to give extra weight to this theory. Maybe that's why she's not standing up.
UH... UH... GIVE HER CPR!
Interesting technique, Doctor Kevorkian. Unfortunately, even if CPR were a viable remedy to being flattened into the pavement, the rather unwholesome trickle of blood trailing from her mouth - at least, you think it's blood - gives you pause.
CRAP. UH... INVENTORY.
You are currently carrying:
1 Dragon's Whisker (braided in hair)
1 non-transferrable Lack of Clothes
...WAITAMINUTE. WHAT ABOUT THE JUSENKYO CURSE?
You see no Jusenkyo Curse here. Maybe you lost it during your flight?
ALLLLLL RIGHT!
I should note, however, that you're still a girl, and a naked girl at that. And without your curse, you can't change back to a guy.
...YOU BASTARD!
Heh heh.
While you stand there dithering over the corpse, you see a cloud of smoke down the street, and it seems to be getting closer. You can barely make out a figure at the front of the cloud, running at top speed toward you. It - or, rather, she - is shouting something, though it's a bit hard to make out, since she's talking about as fast as she's moving:
"WAAAHHH! Ha-chan, where are you?! I can't go back to our wonderful ACROSS headquarters without you, because Il Palazzo-sama wanted both of us to be there and if I go back without you it'll be the pit for sure! Ha-chan, Ha-chan, who's got the Ha-chan?! Ahh, Il Palazzo-sama, your loving and faithful Excel is in a bind! She's tongue-tied! She's been given a gag-order, and she's wearing naughty bondage gear in your honor! No, this is no time for that! Why'd you have to pick such an inconvenient time to die, Ha-chan?! Ollie ollie oxen free!"
...
Yeah. The fast-talking woman will be here any second, by the way.
Unsurprising. The woman grabs the corpse as she runs past, and you get dragged along to a strange underground throne room...
...ooooooookay. You tuck the girl behind a handy shrub after taking her clothes, and the running girl pulls you along to a strange throne room...
You flee the scene, unmindful of the brick walls in your path until you encounter some more weirdos in colored jumpsuits. The Daitenzin Rangers want a word about your damage to public property...
You do so. The driver is a lanky guy in a red jacket and with an afro bigger than Happosai. He seems unsurprised to see you. "Ranma, if you want your curse back, come with me..."
The first hiding place that catches your eye is an open manhole. You dive in, and are safe... but what's with all these small cute yellow creatures carrying rug beaters?
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(Posted Sun, 07 Mar 2004 08:39)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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