Ranma yawned as he laid back across the roof of the Tendo Dojo. His usual view was blocked by the rather HUGE Space-ship in the distance. It was supposed to be over China, and he could see it all the way over in JAPAN!
So he supposed it must be pretty big.
"At least they aren't after me," Ranma thanked his lucky stars. He'd had enough trouble with problems here. And he knew his father didn't do any interstellar travel.
"BAKA!" Came the cry of female rage from directly behind him.
Ranma blinked his eyes and turned to look over his shoulder. "Akane? When'd you get on the roof?"
The furious Akane didn't even acknowledge his question as she continued on her tirade. "You egoistical jerk! Here we are, invaded by aliens, and all you can think about is yourself!"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Akane, it ain't no invasion. They're just looking for something. Besides, the guy on TV seemed like such a pansy, I don't think these guys even know how to take over a world."
"You idiot! Do something useful for a change and go down to the kitchen!" Akane fumed.
At the sound of the word kitchen coming from Akane's lips alarms instantly sounded inside Ranma's head.
Ranma nodded and got up. Self-preservation kicked in. Jumping off the roof, Ranma landed in a crouching position in the backyard. Walking up onto the veranda, Ranma slid the back door open and went into the house, intent on knocking out his father, and then heading out the front-door. With his father unconscious, he could leave someone to try Akane's poison, and no one would even expect him to leave through the front door!
Akane was a little surprised by Ranma's quiet acceptance, but then she smiled at the thought of Ranma tasting her delicious cooking and went over to the ladder so she could go down to serve him.
...Only to find he wasn't there, and instead, was a panda with numerous lumps on its head.
"RANMA NO BAKA!"
There was only one slight problem with Ranma's plan.
He didn't expect to be ran over as he opened the front door, neither did he expect to fall to the ground in a heap of limbs with whoever it was that fell over him.
And a woman it was, just by the feel of her body against his.
Ranma's eyes widened. Shit, oh shit, oh shit! He was screwed!
And was that a breast he had in his hand?!!
Ranma didn't know what freaked him out more. That a practically naked woman was atop of him...
...Or that it was his, "MOM?!!"
Nodoka Saotome was breathing heavily, covered in sweat and a hastily put on bathrobe, and had her hair in a disheveled mess. Her blue eyes widened when she caught sight of the young man holding her up by her breast. "RANMA!" She took a hold of his shoulders. "Go pack your things! We're leaving!"
"RANMA!" Came Akane's guttural cry of rage as she stormed out of the kitchen towards him.
"Mom?" Ranma started wide-eyed, having never seen his mother this distressed. What the hell was going on?
"Didn't you hear me? Go pack your things! NOW!!!" Nodoka cried hysterically.
Ranma was shocked into action. Okay, fine! He'd do so!
Nodoka sat back to allow Ranma to leave while Akane appeared in the room, just in time to see Ranma removing a hand from his own mother's breast! "YOU PERVERT!!!"
Ranma's eyes widened as he saw Akane stalk towards him. "Wait, WAIT! Akane! It's not what you think!" He shouted as he raised his hands defensively, hoping to avert the upcoming Hurricane Akane.
Akane whipped out her hammer to impart some much deserved justice, only that she never got a chance to strike him. A loud noise was heard and the hammer was disintegrated. The tomboy turned with wide and shocked eyes to see Nodoka aiming what appeared to be some kind of riffle at her. "Get away from my son, you Sith-wanabe..." Ranma's mother threatened.
Ranma gawked. When the hell did his mother carry firearms!?
And firearms that could atomize wood for that matter.
"...Holy..." Ranma managed to say after a few moments.
Akane gaped like a fish out of water while Nodoka turned to Ranma and her expression turned to her previous panicked one. "What are you waiting for? GO!"
Ranma nodded and ran up the stairs to grab his things and RUN!
"... Aunty...?" Akane asked hesitantly. She didn't know what Nodoka called her, but it sure as hell sounded like an insult.
Nodoka ignored the frozen Akane and waited for Ranma to return, not noticing her own state of undress at the moment. Decorum could kiss her ass right now! She had to take Ranma out of here!
Ranma ran back down with an overstuffed backpack.
"Can you roof-hop us to the east forest?" Nodoka asked quickly.
Ranma nodded. "Sure, mom."
Nodoka jumped into his arms then, the top of her bathrobe opening and giving him a full view of her breasts. Now he knew where his girl form got it!
Ranma tried not to pay attention as he started running. This just made no sense.
Akane could only stare, trying to process what just happened and failing miserably.
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(Posted Mon, 10 Jan 2005 00:42)
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