Kagome flopped on the bed, sighing. Going back into the past to find stupid Shikon shards, and studying extra hard to make up for the school she missed was wearing her ragged. And that Naraku fellow? Don't ask! Okay, he's an evil sonuvabitch; she accepted that. But did he really have to be such a jerk about it, too?
Kagome arrived home in time to catch Souta taping an old Wedding Peach episode for a female friend of his at school. (At least, that's what he claimed…) She actually found herself envying the lifestyle of those kinds of girls: magical girls. Okay, so they invariably had to fight off some Evil from Beyond, but at least they get some cute jewelry out of it.
"Plus, I'd be my own boss, not at some dumb hanyou's beck-and-call all the time," sighed Kagome.
"So ya really wanna be a magical girl?" asked a scratchy voice beside her. Kagome whirled her head rapidly to look at her fat old cat, Buyo, who was smiling a catty smile at her.
"I thought I heard something, Buyo!" Kagome declared, almost expecting an answer.
But not quite.
"You did. I did the talking," said Buyo, in that scratchy voice.
"EHHHH?!!!" screeched Kagome, flattening her back against the far wall. "B-Buyo! Y-You… can t-t-talk?"
"Better than you, it seems," the cat said snarkily. This seemed to bring Kagome back to reality a bit. Or what passed for it. "So how 'bout it?" asked the fat old cat.
Kagome thought about this. "It's no worse than the gig I currently got," she admitted.
"Well then," Buyo said cheerfully, "I think I can help you!"
A few seconds ticked by.
"REALLY!???!!" screamed Kagome with glee. "A cute outfit? Cool powers? A mission not involving cleaning up my own mess? No time traveling? It's a dream come true!" Kagome turned to Buyo, asking, "When do I meet my cute magical mascot?!"
Buyo tilted his head. "Yer lookin' at 'im."
Kagome froze, staring at the cat that had been her constant companion. "You're my magical mascot?!!" wailed Kagome, eyes wobbling with tears. "But my mascot is supposed to be a cute animal, not my fat, lazy, decrepit cat!"
Buyo glared at her. "Well, ex-cuse me!" he enunciated, getting to his feet with difficulty. "I guess you don't want to be a magical girl bad enough to accept me as your magical companion, 'cause I'm all you're getting." He began moving to the window. "Have fun looking for all them Shikon shard thingies!"
"NO! WAIT!"
Buyo froze, then looked back expectantly at Kagome.
"I'll do it! Anything to avoid that!"
"Smart girl!" Buyo remarked. The fat cat rummaged in his fur, producing a lipstick with cute sparkles and star patterns on it. "Here's your transformation doohickey. Just smat some o' this on, say 'Futa-mutta Power, Broiled Chicken', and become the magical girl of justice, Kiki Kimi Kagi-chan!"
The name gave Kagome pause. "'Kiki Kimi Kagi-chan'?" she repeated. "'Futa-mutta Power, Broiled Chicken'? What the hell?"
"Magical girl names are always silly. As are their power-up phrases," Buyo reminded.
"Granted, but… 'Broiled Chicken'?"
"I like broiled chicken, 'k?"
"And couldn't you have produced my transformation lipstick with a little more pazazz, like with a backflip?" asked Kagome.
"I'm too darn old, and too darn fat for that Ring-a-Ding-Ding Brothers Circus crap."
"Not to mention too darn lazy," added Kagome under her breath.
"Oh, hush it. Now are ya gonna transform, or what?" asked Buyo.
Kagome sighed. "Okay, okay!" She opened the lipstick cap, twisting the bottom to let out some of its glossy red waxy length. The background turned all sparkly. "What's with the sparkly background."
"We're gonna film your transformation once and then replay it each time you transform. The sparkly background is so we don't have to do any fancy computer overlays and stuff."
Kagome twitched. "You mean, we're doing this on the cheap?!"
"I'm yer so-called cute magical mascot. 'Course we're doin' this on the cheap!" Buyo said matter-of-factly. "Now git to it, and make it good. You only get one shot at this!"
Kagome sighed. With some flourish, she swiped on the lipstick and shouted, "FUTA-MUTTA POWER, BROILED CHICKEN!" Immediately, in a shower of sparkles, she levitated into the air. Streamers of air swirled around her ripping her uniform into tiny shreds, and there was no modesty-preserving white sheen dancing all over her. (Kagome dare not speak, in fear of ruining the take.) A white leotard with sparkles and stars formed on her body, a pink frill coming out of the leg- and arm-apertures. A pair of calf-length boots with a meteor star at the top appeared on her legs. White semi-gloves hooking over the middle finger and flaring at the wrist appeared on her hands. Kiki Kimi Kagi-chan did a flip and made a V as she finished her transformation…
Well, not quite…
*GONG!*
"OWWWWWW!!!!!" whined Kagome, as a helmet came crashing down on her, covering everything from her nose upward. If you've ever seen the original Mobile Suit Gundam series, you KNOW which helmet this looks like!
Kagome, who did see Mobile Suit Gundam, KNEW which helmet hers looked like "What the hell!?!! What's with this 'Char Aznable' helmet?!!" she cried, looking at herself in the mirror.
Buyo cast an even glare at Kagome. "We don't have the budget for a Somebody Else's Problem field other Magical Girls have, dearheart," he quipped. "We gotta protect your identity somehow."
"I think I'll do without…" she murmured, yanking it off and the under goggles. "Besides, why THAT helmet? Why not a cute mask or something?"
"We got it for a song at a garage sale," Buyo said proudly. "Like I said: We're—"
"We're doing this on the cheap. Right. Got it. Now, before I forget the most important part of this shingding, and unless it's some big, dark secret that'll rear up and bite me in the butt," Kagome began, "what exactly my concept here?"
Buyo told her.
As it turns out, Kagome was
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