Quest for Tentacles: Brainstorming [Episode 130844]

Ataru sat on his desk chair, took out a long breath and sighed again, cursing his rotten luck (for the umpteenth time in his life).

Then, he pushed a button on the intercom, and barked: “Chibi!  Megane!  Perm!  Kakugari!  Get your lazybutts in gear and come here immediately!”

---

After a rapid briefing, Ataru’s four former classmates stood in the office, looking at their “boss” with somewhat sour expressions.

“And... how long do we have to seek those... new extras, Moroboshi?” Megane asked.

“Two days... three at best if I can stall things a bit...”

“That sucks!  We’ll never do it... why did you promise them something like that?” Chibi argued.

“Hey!  I didn’t have any other choice!  Those harpies would have tore me into itsy-bitsy pieces if I hadn’t told them what they wanted to hear!”

“Wouldn’t have been a big loss...” Perm whispered for himself.

“Okay, now I want some serious brainstorming, guys.” Ataru pursued.  “We have to check every possible leads... get in touch with any alleged monster or devil hunters you can find...”

“Ya think they are in the phone book?” Kakugari deadpanned.

“I DON’T KNOW!  And I don’t care how... just track them down!  As well as... any mad scientist or that kind of weirdo... even if all they can offer is some sort of robots of mechanical tentacles, that’ll still be better than nothing.”

The four guys formerly known as “Lum’s Stormtroopers” shrugged.  “You could ask Mendō... his family always keeps all those dumb squids...” Chibi drawled.

“As if I would ever call Mendō for help.  And we don’t need some stupid animals... unless really well trained.  We need real, intelligent, controllable tentacles there... able to follow the script and plug the girls on cue....”

Megane adjusted his glasses and finally inquired “And why don’t you simply ask Lum-san?  With all the bizarro aliens she knows... there’s certainly some in the bunch which have tentacles.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?  Of course I’m gonna ask Lum!” Ataru raged.  “But it’s not sure any of her relations can get here on time.  With our tight schedule, I want to put every chance on our side.  And if we can get more than one tentacle monster, that’ll be even better.  Now, scoot!  I just gave you some work to do!”

While the grumbling employees evacuated his office, Ataru picked up his phone and dialed a number.

“Moshi moshi?  Moroboshi Ataru speaking... good morning Tendō-san.  Can I speak to Nabiki, please?”

---

In the Tendō Ke, Nerima, Tendō Nabiki was lounging on a couch while listening to her business partner over the phone.

“Sounds like you got yourself in a tight bin, Ataru-kun...”

*We are in a tight bin, Nabiki-san.  You’re going to lose a lot of money if the club gets sued and closed.  You gotta help me!*

“And how I am supposed to do that?” the Tendō girl retorted, a frown on her face.  “Now, if you had the need for some transvestites or even an aquatranssexual, I could cut a deal... but genuine tentacle monsters are not that easy to unearth.”

*Oh, come on, Nabiki... I know your ward is getting almost as weird as Tomobiki was in my time.  I’m sure you can find something.*

“It’s not that bad yet...” crisply countered the mercenary girl.  “You should ask your wife... she probably knows of some weird lifeform that could fill the bill....”

*You bet I’m gonna ask Lum!  But I can’t say yet if she’s going to agree, nor that it’ll necessarily work... we all haveta search for a solution on our own...*

“Okay, okay, I’ll see what I can do.  But I’m not promising anything.  Two days, it’s really short...”

*I’m sure you’ll find a way.  Bye.* Ataru concluded.

Nabiki hung the phone too, and crossed her arms.  Lost in deep thought, she pondered what were her options.  ‘Great... let’s see... there was the Jellyfish King that liked to bounce girls... mpf, too big, and far at sea....  That Chardin guy had quite a tongue, though I’m not sure it will be enough for the floorshow....  There was Ukyō’s rival (whatshisname?), he was good at training octopus for circus acts... mmh, nope, silly....  I gotta ask Shampoo if there’s some kind of Instant Jusenkyō Water for the Spring of Drowned Octopus....  Maybe Pink and Link, who know, with all the weird plants they could grow... though to find them and ship them from China fast enough....’

Nabiki slumped further in the couch.  ‘Besides all that... I see only one real candidate.  But how I am supposed to find Pansuto-Tarō... and more importantly, how I am going to convince him...?”

---

After a few more calls, Ataru summoned back his stooges.

“So, did you find anything interesting?”

“Well,” Perm started, “among the demon-hunters, those that we could contact aren’t very cooperative.  Most are some kind of priests; they say their job is to destroy hellspawns, not to capture them for the enjoyment of a few perverts.  The only positive answer was from one chick named Chigako... she’s posing herself as the manager of a devil hunter, and said she’s interested if it pays good money.  Though she couldn’t promise her charge will capture a demon just in time.”

“Besides that,” Kakugari continued, “there’s more than a few alleged sorcerers that pretend they could summon the kind of beast we need... though how serious they are, we can’t know.  Most ask for money first, claiming that it’s risky business to even make the attempt....”

“Umpff... I’m not very sure it would be a great idea to use real demons anyway...” Ataru commented, uncharacteristically wise for once.  “I had enough troubles with all sort of mystical weirdoes and spirits in my life....”

“Otherwise, there’s the mechanical option...” Megane pointed out.  “The best bet would probably be Nekomi Tech... a few very good engineering clubs exist there, they are known for building robots and even having competitions between them.  There’s also a few other ‘genius’ all over Japan whom are said to build mechas... like one in the town of Hinata.”

“And if we’re really getting desperate...” Chibi interjected, “there’re also various stories of aliens installed on Earth with very high tech at their disposal... like at the Masaki Shrine... though of course it’s mainly coming from conspiracy nuts and the like.”

“Yeah, as if anyone could believe that you can find aliens on Earth...” Ataru snorted.

“I also remember some rumors about a porn-movie studio using real tentacle monsters for their flicks.” Chibi added.  “Though it’s unconfirmed.”

“Okay.  That’s better than nothing, I guess.” Ataru sighed.  “Distribute the most promising leads among the four of you, and go check them out.  And don’t waste any time.  Me, I’m going to talk to Lum.”

“Shouldn’t we also begin to look for the female performers?  I’m not sure all the regulars would accept doing that kind of things....” Megane reminded his boss.

“I’m taking care of that.” Ataru said (which surprised none of his underlings).  “That can’t be too hard to convince them.  Who know, maybe I’ll luck out and find that one of the girls already has a tentacle beast for boyfriend....” he concluded jokingly.

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