It would be a day — no, a fortnight that would live in infamy.
It had started when an intergalactic criminal, calling himself 'The Bluebird of Happiness', came to Earth, more specifically to Tomobiki High School, to spread happiness the only way it knew how. To each of his victims, he stuck a feather in their head that gave them the power to make their wishes come true.
This doesn't sound to bad the way I just told it. But each feather represented an awful curse, for the wishes are granted in a monkey's paw-like way, the wishes voiced to be taken quite literally and quite contrary to their intent. As such, the wishes granted tended to cause misery to the recipient.
And then there was Moroboshi Ataru…
"Darling!" Redet Lum shouted as she spotted Ataru, whistling happily without a care in the world, and a feather sticking from the top of his crown. "Darling! Don't tell me you found the Bluebird too!" Lum cried as she approached the teen on the wind.
"Sure did!" said Ataru in that cheerful, devil-may-care way that infuriated Mendou Shutarou
"Lum-san, stay back!" said Mendou, interposing himself between the nominal space invader and Earth's greatest pervert (of the teenage age category, at least). "There is no telling what Moroboshi might have wished for!"
"In any case, you were told to stay away from the bluebird!" shouted Onsen-Mark. Once again, he felt his blood pressure rocketing. Why doesn't any of his students ever listen to him? Time and time again, he'd been proven right, but it never seemed to make it through their thick skulls!
"It grants your wishes," added Lum, "but in a weird way!"
Ataru blinked guilelessly. "Is that what it does?" he asked. Then he started doing something that only trained professionals should be doing, if he was an example of an amateur: thinking. "You know, there is something I've always wanted…" the junior-division über-pervert began.
Mendou bolted forward, grabbing Ataru by the scruff of his school uniform neck. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!" the rich boy shouted commandingly into Ataru's face.
"Hands off…" commanded Ataru in return, grasping Mendou's hands to pry them loose.
*VORP!*
"…but take your time," finished Ataru, as he instantly ceased trying to pry Mendou's hands off and instead clutching them lovingly.
Onsen-Mark facefaulted. Lum twiched in the air. Mendou simply stared at Ataru for a second, noting the peculiar draft blowing between his legs, took a wild guess what happened to him, and looked down. Mendou Shutarou's fears were confirmed as he saw that he was wearing a Tomobiki High sailor fuku… the kind girls wear. It didn't look disgusting on Mendou at the moment, as he was now a she, and filling it out very well indeed.
The altered Mendou glared at Ataru, burning with righteous anger, holding the Mendou family sword high. "You son of a…" she growled in a register an octave higher than her former voice. Mendou-chan took hold of her blade and deliberately drew it from its scabbard. "I'll carve you into wasabi, with my own hands!!" roared the heiress to the Mendou family as she surged after Ataru, sword held ready to strike and her now-long locks of raven hair flowing behind her.
"Now, now!" taunted Ataru as he ran. "That's no way for a lady to behave!"
The Bluebird of Happiness, who started this mess in the first place, was captured and sent back to his prison cell. Meanwhile, Lum was given a flame gun and told that she'd only need to remove the feathers embedded in the victim's heads and everything would go back to normal. The robotic guards hand her a flame gun (which, being apropriately named, shot flames) to help her.
People were reluctant to get burned, understandably, but they got nailed, one and all. Eventually, all traces of the bluebird's feathers were gone.
Except they weren't.
Against all odds, a small piece of the feather stuck in Ataru's head remained intact. It wasn't even visible beneath the skin it was buried in, but it was enough to render his wish still very much in force.
"*Whew!* Thank goodness that we don't have to be a rubber-tree plant anymore!" remarked one student to another.
"YAY! No everything I touch doesn't turn into the Pillsbury Doughboy!™" cheered a young female student in glee.
"HAHA!! In your face, old man! In. Your. FACE!" shouted Ryuunosuke in joy, cupping her bouncy beauties of bosomhood, newly returned to her chest… this time to stay.
"Noooo! My boy! Return to being a manly man, my son!" wailed the senior Fujinami, tears coming down in torrents. Ryounosuke gave him a bonk on the head, and cupped her bosoms at him in spite.
Lum nodded in satisfaction. Now everything was back to normal (or, what passed for normal) at Tomobiki. The influence of the Bluebird of Happiness (or, as she like to think of him, the Bluebird Pain-in-the-Butt Criminal) was now cleansed.
A soft, delicate hand touched Redet Lum's shoulder, lightly and with infinite care. "Lum-san… are you sure that the bluebird's spells are gone?" asked a soft voice behind her, presumably the owner of the hand. She couldn't place either, though, as she didn't remember any girl from her class having such a voice.
Still, she answered. "You betcha," the alien girl said happily, turning around. She regretted those words immediately, because it was now clear that the incident wasn't quite over just yet.
"Then answer me this question: WHY AM I STILL A WOMAN?!!!" screeched Mendou-chan. The femmed Mendou looked quite attractive, with a nice figure filling the Tomobiki High sailor fuku she wore. Except for the length it hung down in back, it was the same as her regular hairstyle, and as always immaculately maintained. Her face was only a bit different—undoubtedly Mendou Shutarou, but more feminine.
"Heh heh!" giggled Ataru.
"MOROBOSHI!!" screeched the transformed Shutarou, employing a battoujitsu maneuver to try to bisect the giggling, perverted teen.
"Hey! Watch it!" protested Ataru, dancing out of the arc of Mendou-chan's slash. "Now listen here!" Ataru said, glaring disapprovingly at the seething Shutarou. "It's not my fault that the bluebird's wish is still going for me. Is it Megane?" With that, he brought a hand down on Megane's shoulder.
*VORP!*
Instantly, the bespectacled, lanky teenaged boy in a scruffy Tomobiki High boy's uniform uniform turned into a bespectacled, svelte teenaged girl in a rather ratty Tomobiki High girl's uniform. "You bastard!" exploded the latest neo-girl, swinging her fists at the dodging pervert.
Ataru gleefully skipped away from the two enemies he had made. Then he said something that chilled everyone to the bone. "This is great! All the girls in the class are really mine, for no boy shall remain!" crowed the amok pervert, jumping toward Perm.
"YAAHH!! Get away from me, you freak!!" screamed Perm girlishly, although he hadn't actually been femmed yet. He scrambled away, barely keeping out of the pervert's reach.
And thus the horror began…
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(Posted Tue, 08 Feb 2005 03:22)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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