”Church…ol’ buddy ol’ pal ya got ten seconds, which you known is really five or one to get outta my room and not bother me till morning at breakfast!” Growled an irate Ranma who had pulled the covers of the bed to cover himself and Brit.
”Fine, whatever ya sex-loving cockbite, just don’t knock the cat up cuz the last thing we need is a pregnant woman on our quests and the three we got already seem to have near constant PMS.” Church grumbled as he shut the door to the monk’s room.
Church who was the Paladin of the group was a resident of Bloodgulch; and somewhere in his youth he was dazzled and swooned by the warriors of his home country of Rube and, and the Paladins of Deamand. When he was old enough he went to the military academy and after graduating went to become a foot soldier in the militia. After two years and after breaking up with a long-time sweetheart, Church decided to go for broke and become a Paladin; however there was a problem that made this a very, very hard endeavor.
He was a grade-A bastard, asshole, fucktard, cockbite, and several other explicative words to sum up his character.
After three long years, and several occasions of being thrown out on his ass; his determination and stubbornness finally was rewarded when he became a Paladin. Of course some speculate the instructors at the Bloodgulch Holy Knights Academy just didn’t want him around anymore and allowed him to become a Paladin just to get rid of him.
Whichever was the case Church was assigned to the regiment under Capt. Butch Flowers; a small unit considering it consisted of Flowers, two other rookies, Tucker and Caboose, and Church himself.
For a time it was a mundane but peaceful existence at their lone outpost. However things went belly up after a year when Flowers died after drinking some herbal medicine for a cold that had deadly nightshade mixed in by mistake. Then soon after was the attack by the Red Raiders led by the infamous man known only as Sarge and his band of trouble makers. Thr three Paladins had their hands full dealing with not only four raiders, but Sarge’s machine golem Lopez the heavy, and their enchanted siege engine dubbed the Warthog…or was it the Puma? Even with a fortified outpost in their favor, and the fact that Sarge’s men were idiots in some right; they still had their asses royally kicked and forced to flee, and become separated.
Unable to locate Tucker or Caboose, Church wandered until he passed out from exhaustion; this would have been his end if not that a certain monk found him. Church woke up and amazingly found himself not missing his armor or what little money or possessions he had on himself at the time, and found a plate of boar stew held before his face and in his hunger almost ate the hand that fed him. Once his belly was sated with food and water, he formally introduced himself to Ranma and vice versa. As it was Ranma was a bit down on his luck as well; his Dojo had been ransacked and he lost his women (yes he said it in plural).
Despite the big gape in personalities and idles, the two found kindred spirits in each other and decided to adventure together. Along the way they had met their other party members, the thieving Werecat Britanny included.
“How the fuck does that guy get all the chicks?” Church grumbled to himself as he re-entered his room and flopped onto his bed. Out of habit he cocked his head to check his armor. The full-body crystal blue armor was a marvel in armor-smithing; it not only gave full body covering but was enchanted to not feel heavy to the wearer, allowed him to breath underwater and in toxic conditions, but it also allowed telepathy between the armor and anyone with another set of armor like it or those endowed with telepathy or telepathic augmentation tools.
Unlike most Paladins who carried one or two-handed long swords, the Holy Knights of Deamand gave to their Paladins a large glowing crystal tri-blade weapon that was easy to carry. All Church had to do was attach the crystal piece to his forearm and the glowing energy magic blade would form.
Church felt his eyebrows twitch, and cringe when he heard the bed in Ranma’s room began to creak. “God damn, how much can they dish out?! For God’s some of us wanna sleep you pricks!”
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(Posted Thu, 24 Mar 2005 19:18)
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