PokéKits: Back to the Lab; Close but No Cigar [Episode 145029]

by Red Priest of the 17th Order

Blinking her eyes, thee Vaporita looked at the corner of the Lab, where a certain pigtailed Tamer was banging his head into the adjacent of two walls. She had been pissed at him, when he interrupted her private time with her owner, but seeing him as he was now... “Um... Why’s Ranma sitting and staring in front of that corner?”

Sitting at one of the tables in the lab with Ryoga standing to his right, Stroaks looked over his shoulder and answered, “Said something about the Growltit punishing him.”

Said Growltit nodded her head. She was sitting in one of the many chairs in the professor’s lab, coddling the little Tigress pokékit sitting on her lap.

The Vaporita let off a large sweat-drop. “Ooookaaay...” She slowly turned her attention away from the cornered Pokégirl Tamer, and back to her master, whom was taking a badge into hand.

“What do you think, Professor?” Ryoga asked as the esteemed, (perverted) professor held up a

“Let’s see...” Stroaks mumbled as he examined the Gym Badge. Two crossed silver swords with a circle over where they connected; an emblem of Roman number, “XIII” over them. “So you got the Silver Iscariot Badge? Damn, that must’ve really been an incredible PokéBattle. That Alexander Anderson is such a pain in the ass...”

“Yeah, it was...” Ryoga agreed. He let off an involuntary shiver. That paladin Gym Leader was a loose cannon, and what the hell was it with him plastering pages of the Bible of the Thousand Faiths all over the walls? “But as you can see, I beat him. The Badge is proof enough, right?”

“NOPE!” Stroaks said seriously.

Ryoga’s eyes widened. “HUH!? Why not!?”

“Because,” Stroaks said in a superior-sounding voice, “It is an AMETHYST League Badge. This is INDIGO League. We are not on good relations with them, so we do not cross-use Badges with THAT League.”

The Lost Boy winced. It was true. Amethyst and Indigo were like oil and water. They didn’t miss, what with Amethyst’s Anti-PokéGirl Rights and Indigo’s rather Liberal governments. “How about this one?”

Looking over to the one Ryoga was pointing out, Stroaks placed the Amethyst Badge down and picked up the next one. It was a fist composed what looked and felt like iron. A common symbol amongst most badges, but the base it was connected to, the kanji of ‘Tekken’ made out of rubies was enough for Stroaks to recognize it. “You got the Iron Fist Badge... Not bad, but... Sorry, nada!”

Ryoga’s eyes widened. “Oh, come on! That Heihachi was a tough bastard! His pokégirls must’ve been in the eighty-levels! And I Had to fight TOO!”

“I’m sure it was, and that’s exactly why,” The PokéGirl Researcher agreed. “Because this is an EDO League Badge! And since Edo League has rules nearly completely different from our own concerning PokéBattles and Gyms, the Edo League Badges aren’t compatible with any other Leagues.”

Ignoring the whimpering Ryoga, Stroaks looked at the next one. It was a spherical gem, silver in looks, but obviously a diamond, almost a pure sphere but with connected octagon panels to make it. “So you have the Imperial Silver-Crystal Badge? Not a chance.” He grimaced as Ryoga looked like such a pathetic sight. “While Crimson and Indigo are on great terms, the Crimson League disregards the use of ANY of their Crystal Badges for outside Leagues. Tough luck there.”

His lower lip quivering, Ryoga hesitantly asked, “So that means,”

“Your Golden Dream-Crystal Badge?” Stroaks asked as he held up the elongated golden crystal. “Caught in the same Loophole as Imperial Silver-Crystal Badge, and we know THAT doesn’t cut it.”

“How about the others?” Ryoga urged him to continue. There had to be SOMETHING useful.

At Ryoga’s insistence, Stroaks continued. He held up a badge consisted of pure platinum, shaped in a Dragoness in a crouching position. “I see you’ve gotten he highly-coveted Platinum Dragon Badge, eh? Sorry, but no sale...”

“Why noooooot?” Ryoga whined, feeling like his whole world was crashing down around him.

“Because it’s an Orange League Badge,” Stroaks said seriously. “And they only trade Badge-use with the Blue and Crimson Leagues. But I’m ninety-percent sure if you hold onto this Badge for another twenty years or so, the talks we’ve had going on for the past four decades might come to fruition and Indigo and Orange will have Badges compatible with each other.”

“AAAAAARRRGH!!!” Ryoga growled as he pulled at his hair. Being an Indigo League Tamer SUCKED!

Ignoring as how Ryoga was now banging his head against the wall, much like Ranma, Stroaks continued looking through the pile of Badges the Lost Tamer had brought in for his verification. His eyes lit up upon seeing the large gold triangle with another triangle hole in the center. A small emerald implanted in the top triangle, a ruby in the bottom left, and a topaz in the bottom right. “Oooh, you’ve got the Blue League’s Golden Triforce Badge?” He asked in awe. “So you’ve met, Link have you? He’s a rather good friend of mine. Why, I just saw him last year during that Inter-League Convention. You know, there’s strong talk about him being promoted from status as Gym Leader to one of the Blue League’s Elite Four?”

Ryoga stopped banging his head on the wall for a moment and looked back at the Professor. “So... It’s a good Badge?” He asked hopefully.

“Oh, God no!” Stroaks answered. “I said BLUE League. Sorry, Ryoga. Completely worthless to you!” He placed the badge down. “They’re one of the toughest Leagues out there, what with their ‘no rules’ for PokéBattles. Only one’s they trade with currently are Orange, and starting next year, Crimson too.” The professor considered this, it was odd how well Blue, Crimson, and Orange got along. If only Indigo could have the camaraderie amongst all three like it did with Crimson.

“Aren’t ANY of them any good!?” Ryoga wailed. Ranma stopped banging his head for a moment to consider how Ryoga reminded him of Soun Tendo-H... No confusion on this matter, since Soun was pretty much the same either way he remembered him.

“Well, let’s see...” Stroaks mumbled as he looked over the last two badges. He smiled a little as he looked at the Sapphire badge that was shaped like a woman’s sex, and the rather detailed set of doors made from a solid piece of gold. “We, you’ve got the Cascading Cunt AND the Marsh Gates Badges. Those ARE Indigo League Badges.”

For a long while, Ryoga just stared at the good, (perverted) professor. “... So that means only TWO are of any value?”

“Er...” Stroaks paused for a moment before answering, “Yeah, right. No worth at all. Heh heh...”

His eyes widening, Ryoga screamed, “NO!” He threw his arms up, waving them frantically “I spent a YEAR going around and facing Gyms! My efforts can’t be for nothing!!!”

Taking a moment to consider this, Professor Stroaks stroked his chin in thought and finally said, “Well, at least you have experience under your belt...”

Lowering his head into his hands, Ryoga cried.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Stroaks said. “If you get lost again, just make sure to face the OTHER Crimson League Gym Leaders or Gym Leaders of the Shadow League. Their Badges are compatible with Indigo League’s system.”

Ryoga just kept sobbing.

“Besides,” Stroak’s Vaporita spoke up. “Why complain when you’ve gotten to go through a year’s worth of Taming!

If possible, Ryoga cried harder.

“Hey!” Checkers barked at her master, feeling somewhat insulted.

Rolling her eyes, the Vaporita mumbled, “Yeesh, what a crybaby...”

Getting fed up with the Lost Tamer’s sobbing Stroaks couldn’t take it anymore “...Fine! I’ll tell you what, Ryoga... I’ll take these six WORTHLESS Badges off your hands and give you one USEFUL Badge.”

That was all it took for Ryoga to stop crying. He looked up at the professor, hope coming back to him. “Y-you will?” He hiccupped.

“Yep,” Stroaks said as he nodded his head. “I just so happen to have come across an extra Earth’s NERV Badge of the Viridick Gym...”

Ryoga’s eyes widened. “Really?”

Smirkng, Stroaks crossed his arms over his chest, feeling rather pompous. “Yep, and to be such a good sport, I’ll even give you a NEW PokeGirl!

“Really!?” Ryoga asked in awe. Wow, was Stroaks ever being so kind and thoughtful! Obviously, the professor was a god amongst men!

Stroaks smiled and gave a firm nod of his head. “Yep! A rare and valuable Fire-type, that, lucky for you, none of the new Tamers that came through a few weeks ago didn’t take as an Alpha. FOXX!” He proclaimed as he raised his fist. A bolt of lightning sounded in the background.

Ranma, who had stopped banging his head, twitched a little as the Vaporita was holding a tiny Pia behind the professor for said effect.

Ryoga, however, was totally blown over by the use of special-effects. “Oh WOW! Professor Stroaks, how can I ever thank you!

“Believe me, Ryoga,” Stroaks said seriously “It’s no trouble... No trouble at all...”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Ranma spoke up as he turned away from the wall. “I thought it was a Vixxen you were offering.”

Stroaks shrugged his shoulders. “Eh, no difference.”

The Vaporita blinked her eyes in surprise. “I thought you told everybody that she was a Vixxen so that they would take her off your hands and-MMHP!”

“SHH!” Stroaks shushed his Vapotira, his hand over her mouth. He looked over at the two Tamers staring at him, and chuckled nervously. “Well, I used one of my own evolution stones to make her stronger and rarer.”

“And no takers?” Ranma asked seriously. Something was obviously wrong with this set-up. “Ryoga, I don’t think this is a good idea bud-”

“I’LL TAKE HER!” Ryoga declared before Ranma could try and help him.

Sighing, Ranma shook his head. He tried.

(------)

Watching as the doors closed behind the two Tamers, the Vaporita turned to her owner who was sitting at his computer console. “Boy, you really pulled a fast one there,” She said seriously. “I mean, trading Ryoga for his one-million, five-hundred thousand slc worth of Badges of rare metals and gems for fifteen slc worth of aluminum.”

Stroaks nodded his head. “Those badges wouldn’t have done him any good anyway. And besides, he didn’t need to know I had a whole drawer full of Earth’s NERV Badges we got from when the Indigo League Officials busted the Viridick Gym for the connection to Team Rocket.” He grinned. “And besides, now we can buy that new Hover-Van I’ve been meaning to buy for field research. Oh, oh! Maybe we can even get a Helicopter! We’d no longer be limited to Indigo League for research!”

The Vaporita nodded her head. It was true, they did need the money... “And how you masterfully pawned that Foxx off on him...”

Stroaks nodded his head. “She was a moody bitch, what with her defect... I mean, what pokégirl somehow levels up, it’s only at one-eighth a level?”

The aqueous fox-squirrel smirked a little. “Admit it, you just get a kick out of screwing over poor retarded Tamers, like that Ash Sexum fellow.”

“Oh, don’t say that about Ash,” Stroaks said. “I may pick on idiots, but not real retards. And Ash was obviously as handicapped as they came!”

“Then why’d you give him that rather volatile Peekabu for a starting pokégirl when he was here last year?” The Vaporita asked.

Stroaks was silent for a long moment. “...I have a sense of humor,” He said in his defense. “Besides, not my fault he was rather late and missed out on his choice of Eva, Boobisaur, Squirtitty, and CharAmanda.”

The Vaporita nodded her head. Poor kid must’ve slept in. He arrived at the lab in only a pair of boxers... And she could see how that poor boy OBVIOUSLY must’ve have the Blood Curse of ‘Shrinkage’. “I still feel bad about Ranma though. You pawned Ryoga off onto him!”

Stroaks raised an eyebrow. “You actually feel sorry for Ranma?”

“Well, yeah,” The Vaporita said. “I mean, now he has to stay in Phallus Town longer, and practically drag around that dead-weight.”

“True enough...” But I think they might get along well...” Stroaks said. He started typing, bringing up info on the two aspiring Tamers.

(------------)

PokéGirl Tamer
Name: Ryoga Hobiki
Tamer Level: 32
Badges: Earth’s NERV
Cascading Cunt
Marsh Gates
Birthplace: Phallus Town
Blood Gifts: Fire Affinity
Toughness
Endurance
Strength
Blood Curses: Hardheaded
Wanderer
Cash: 2,012 slc
Notes: A rather experienced Tamer, considering how he’s gotten lost quite often. Oh well, I still have hope he’ll become one of the greatest PokéGirl Tamers. He might even have the potential to become a Gym Leader of Fire-types one day... Provided he doesn’t get lost for too long. We don’t need another Gym Leader like Shadow League’s ‘Metro’ out there.

PokéBall 1 [Alpha]
Name: Checkers
Level: 56
Species: Growltit
Type 1: Fire
Health: 280
Attack: 156
Speed: 112
Special: 300

PokéBall 2
Name: Cammy
Level: 33
Species: AssassinCammy
Type 1: Fighting
Health: 165
Attack: 187
Speed: 96
Special: 210

PokéBall 3
Name: Helena
Level: 30
Species: Whorizard
Type 1: Fire
Type 2: Flying
Health: 153
Attack: 132
Speed: 45
Special: 312

PokéBall 4
Name: Lum
Level: 32
Species: Oni
Type 1: Electric
Health: 164
Attack: 72
Speed: 88
Special: 204

PokéBall 5
Name: Fuu
Level: 30
Species: Airmaiden
Type 1: Flying
Type 2: Normal
Health: 135
Attack: 28
Speed: 24
Special: 78

PokéBall 6
Name: Sakura
Level: 15 1/8
Species: Foxx
Type 1: Fire
Health: 17
Attack: 32
Speed: 49
Special: 40

(------------)

Stroaks nodded his head, considering all this information and the notes he placed at the end. He couldn’t help but notice how Ryoga leaned heavily towards Fire-types, but with a Blood Gift like his, it really was no wonder. It was also why he was pretty sure why Ryoga would accept a new Fire-type PokéGirl right off the bat without thinking of what he was getting himself into.

And besides, concerning PokéBattles, it’s not like Ryoga was shooting himself in the foot. He had a Fighting, Flying, and Electric-type as well. And Fire and Electrics were always considered a good tag-team. And hey, with Ranma by his side, hopefully the pigtailed Tamer could bail him out if his girls started to take a pounding.

Or... At least Ranma could keep Ryoga on track to finding the next Gym... Hopefully..

Shaking his head, the PokéGirl Researcher pressed a few more buttons on the computer console, bringing up the available information on Ranma.

(------------)

PokéGirl Tamer
Name: Ranma Sextome
Tamer Level: 10
Badges: None
Birthplace: Phallus Town
Blood Gifts: Strong Constitution
Charm
Horse Hung
Trainer
Efficient Metabolism
Iron Stomach
Recovery
Blood Curses: Hardheaded
Cash: 25,000 slc
Notes: Extremely inventive, full of surprises, and able to pull miracles out of his ass. This boy lives up to his Blood Gift of Trainer. I’ve never seen PokéGirls, or rather, PokéKits level up so quickly. I have rather high hopes for this one.

PokéBall 1 [Alpha]
Name: Ranko
Level: 12
Species: Tigress
Type 1: Fighting
Health: 60
Attack: 70
Speed: 32
Special: 93

PokéBall 2
Name: Hotaru
Level: 4
Species: Panthress
Type 1: Dark
Type 2: Fighting
Health: 20
Attack: 12
Speed: 10
Special: 48

(------------)

Stroaks smirked to himself. He was damn certain these two were going to become quite a pair...

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(Posted Tue, 19 Jul 2005 23:03)


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