[Episode 147052] [Episode 147052]"The world today seems absolutely crackers, With nuclear bombs to blow us all sky high. There's fools and idiots sitting on the trigger. It's depressing and it's senseless, and that's why...
"I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're always friendly, and they're ready to please.
"I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
There's nine hundred million of them in the world today.
You'd better learn to like them; that's what I say.
"I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They come from a long way overseas,
But they're cute and they're cuddly, and they're ready to please.
"I like Chinese food.
The waiters never are rude.
Think of the many things they've done to impress.
There's Maoism, Taoism, I Ching, and Chess.
"So I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
I like their tiny little trees,
Their Zen, their ping-pong, their yin, and yang-ese.
"I like Chinese thought,
The wisdom that Confucius taught.
If Darwin is anything to shout about,
The Chinese will survive us all without any doubt.
"So, I like Chinese.
I like Chinese.
They only come up to your knees,
Yet they're wise and they're witty, and they're ready to please.
"All together.
"[verse in Chinese]
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
Wo ai zhongguo ren. (I like Chinese.)
Ni hao ma; ni hao ma; ni hao ma; zaijien! (How are you; how are you; how are you; goodbye!)"
Ranko was chuckling to herself as she slipped out the back, hearing the Hat sing the reprise as she snuck out on her way to Hagrid's Hut. Who even knew the Sorting Hat knew that song? She was tempted, briefly, to stay and sing along.
If Shampoo or Cologne hadn't left already they probably would have.
Evening at Hagrid's hut was one of the more remarkable things to look forward to as they always recounted the events of that day. Only the core group of seven were there visiting: Nodoka, Cologne, Ranko, Shampoo and Ukyo, plus the two Patil twins. This had been a daily event for most of them ever since they'd fled from Nerima and taken up residence at Hogwarts.
The girls were allowed to stay at the castle over the summer because they had no other place to go, and their parents were here. In between their normal activities of building up resistance to Voldemort by preparing other people for his return, they had focused quite a lot of time and energy on their own preparations.
All summer long the girls had practiced spells under Nodoka and Cologne's close tutelage. The entire family (and they did view themselves as a family) had practiced Anything Goes, learning together over the summer.
And Genma had passed on all he knew to the woman he'd thought was his wife. The only time he'd ever touched her was during sparring. She hadn't even needed an impotence jinx to keep him out of her bed, though she'd used one anyway as a precaution. That man's only appetite was for food, and that was a small price to pay for his fighting techniques.
Nodoka had only tricked the fool into believing he was married to her was for his martial arts knowledge, and had endlessly grilled him for everything he knew, including especially his secret techniques. Liquor spiked with truth serum was a combination the mental midget had never figured out, and the idiot could not resist a bottle when she left one out. Nodoka had trained more intelligently than he did and was better for it. But when Genma had gotten rid of his master and left off training (meaning he'd never have a useful thing to teach again, as she was already better than he was) she'd kicked him out and made him think it was his idea.
The only thing she hadn't counted on was the pathetic moron kidnapping her son on his way out the door. Undoing the damage from that was an almost infinite task. Ranko had been stunned to learn that the greedy fool who'd raised her was not related to her at all, and that he'd made up horrible things about her mother to keep her from seeking her out.
Though Nodoka had practiced the beheading stroke, that was in anticipation of having the thief and kidnapper kneel before her, not her only child.
Since arriving, the small family had practiced everything together, doing the best to merge the best aspects of their fighting styles, and the best base to build that combination off of was Anything Goes. They'd even played tag and pillow fight with Hagrid, never leaving the reach of his arms while they bounced about trying to avoid the pillow he'd wave at them for hours and calling that a game.
Of course, accident will happen, and after a few holes had appeared in the walls of his hut, Nodoka had felt so ashamed of herself that now the Groundskeeper lived in a much larger stone outbuilding with four floors if you counted the two levels of basement, and an average of three rooms a floor. All of them had shortly been filled with assorted herbs and things, but one that they used as a sort of meeting chamber.
But for tonight, they were doing as they had done for months: reviewing their lessons and asking Hagrid for help. Everyone there knew that was more for Hagrid's benefit than theirs, but no one was rude enough to say that. It was just a convenient excuse and that was good enough to get the half giant to study along with them as those girls memorized the first two years of subject matter over the break. Close tutelage by their parents made that whiz past and sink deeply in, providing an enormous advantage.
Ranko poured another glass from the enormous jug of milk. Bella was happy, and Kasumi and the others were fine. The mare was practically dancing in anticipation of the next day. Speaking of the next day, their first evening lesson as centaur mares had gone better than anticipated, with the old, grey guy teaching them all a charm that had been useful enough to get the other girls excited about returning for future lessons.
Nodoka was still worried about the accelerated pace, and what that might bode, but at least their class as a school of merfolk had gone off without a hitch, and Undersea Herbology was looking to be every bit as interesting as promised.
"Rock cake, Ranko?" Hagrid offered a plate, beaming with a big smile.
"Yes, thanks." The girl reached out and grabbed a half dozen, crushing one in her fist over her milk. The dang things were tasty as anything once you softened them up a bit! She took a bite of one, still hard, and began to chew while reading. But the other girls put theirs in the drinks to soften up first.
Hagrid was happier than he'd been since school.
"Hagrid, I'm having trouble with this Defense lesson. Would you review it for me?" Ukyo took off her earrings and offered one to the giant.
"Well, that's yer mothers class, ain't it, Ranko? Let's see here what I can do fer ya there, Ukyo-chan." The half giant bent down and took one of the proffered earrings, holding the stone to his forehead. Those jewels held all of the same enchantments as omniocculars, only Nodoka had done something funky with the playback so that it took only seconds to review hours worth of experiences, and it felt like realtime.
Hagrid took the stone away and set it down moments later. "Well, that's simple enough. It's only a werewolf after all. Come ta think of it, I know one. I'll invite him up ta the castle this weekend. Full moon's not to far away, and I've got a real sturdy cage. If he's of a mind ta, ya could even watch him transform! It ain't like he's got a better place ta stay."
The best thing about offering to help Hagrid like this was so often he found a way to truly offer help in return.
"Hagrid," Ranko offered a wonderful smile, an essay, and an earring to their host. "Can you make sure that I didn't miss anything in my History homework?"
"Sure now, here jest a sec and I'll check." That gentle man finished scribbling a note to Remus Lupin, folded that into a letter, and shoved it into his pocket. Then he took the stone and touched it to his head.
While he was thus occupied, Ukyo gave a scandalized whisper. "We don't HAVE any homework for History of Magic!"
Ranko returned a grin that said 'I know that', and Ukyo almost laughed. When the half giant regained his outside senses he returned the stone and read the essay. "Looks pretty good to me, Ranko-chan. I'm sure you'll get a good grade on that'un."
"Hmm, amazon eyes soooo tired! Hagrid be angel and read to me?" The purple haired eleven year old stretched out lazily on the couch, offering her textbook to the giant.
Nodoka practically had to laugh as Hagrid went over 'One Thousand And One Magical Herbs and Fungi' with her, and had practically every one of those mentioned on hand, right there in his hut! So the girls got to handle and gain experience with them.
The Patils ate this up, getting really useful insight, even though for the others this was all review.
"Now dears," Cologne reminded. "It's getting on toward curfew, and you have Potions in the morning. Hagrid, would you show them? I'm so busy with this knitting, you see, and..."
"Sure!" The big man responded, looking around. "Now where did I leave my cauldron? Ah, 'ere it is! Let's see now..." The girls watched as, with great difficulty, Hagrid brewed the boil remover that Snape had all of his first years start their practice on. Getting him to where he'd become willing to show them anything, even 'just fer practice, unnerstand' had taken them most of the summer, but the giants skills were returning to him now.
"Hagrid," Nodoka got out of her seat when the potion was done and he was unexpectedly wiping sweat from his brow over the difficulty it had cost him. The Defense teacher went over and began to measure the giant, taking a tape to his armpit, elbow, fingers and so on. "Tomorrow I was wondering if you'd be willing to show the girls a few wand motions, just so they could see them, of course. You've been so good at helping them out so far, and with Cologne and myself getting so busy as classes start... you will be a dear, won't you, and do it for us?"
"Well, sure madam Malfoy. That is, I reckon I could... that is.."
The Professor beamed a smile at him. "Don't worry. I'll cut you a nice stick to use. Now dears, it's time to go back to the castle. Say goodnight, everyone."
"Goodnight, Hagrid!" Everyone chorused. The rather embarrassed giant waved.
Nodoka paused in the door on her way out, the last one to leave. Looking back, she asked, "Oak, sixteen inches, rather bendy wasn't it?"
Then she vanished.
Blaise came back in a moment later, carrying a bucket. "Hey, if they didn't need a gallon of flobberworm mucus why did they send me for some?"
Hagrid smiled, too happy to be curious. "Don' pay it no mind. They didn' get that far in their lessons anyway. They'll use it tomorrow, I'm sure. Now you'd best get off ta bed."
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by Lionheart
(Posted Sat, 13 Aug 2005 04:09)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.