Hinata despised that idea intensely. Unfortunately, she knew more than a little of it was true. She wasn’t a peer of Tsunade’s, nor would ever be; and she knew quite well that as Hokage the lady in front of her considered herself the protector of all Konoha. Still, the truth did nothing to dispel the feeling of inferiority – which was probably the intent.
With a huff, Tsunade turned and started walking, not even bothering to make sure she was being followed, but still finding time to say, “Since you’re going to be a floor decoration, what better place than my office? Come.”
Hinata followed at a distance of two paces, taking care to prevent it from becoming more or less. With difficulty, she accomplished that.
After some minutes (and an indistinct feeling Hinata couldn’t quantify) they were in Tsunade’s office; Tsunade sitting on the couch and Hinata standing at attention some number of feet away.
“I find it difficult and usually futile to try and understand you, at least some of the time,” the older woman remarked at length. “The rest, I’m not sure I want to know.”
Hinata heard the words, but even though they were obviously a reprimand, she couldn’t find one. She felt strangely warm.
“You’re aware, moon-daughter, that using that disguise art in my presence without my permission is technically illegal, yes?”
So there was the nickname again. Hinata didn’t know what it meant or where it came from, but Tsunade had given her that nickname three years before and Hinata still didn’t know the reason why. She only knew that Tsunade had never since used her actual name, at least in Hinata’s presence.
Still, she said something about a disguise art? With a sudden jerk, Hinata knew what she meant. A faint blush and it was dropped.
Tsunade’s left eyebrow quirked up. “Feel free to make yourself comfortable. You’re going to be here a while and it’s a lot warmer in here than outside.”
Was there amusement in Tsunade’s voice and eyes? Hinata pretended she hadn’t found any.
*@*@*@*
Tsunade found it more than a little funny how slowly her moon-daughter dispensed with her winter clothing. When she finally stopped removing layers, there was only a dark blue silk shirt (oversized) tucked into dark blue silk pants that were only slightly loose; and black socks.
“Turn”, she commanded. “All the way around.”
The order was instantly carried out. She saw a large-type character there on her back, in red. She knew the meaning instantly. “Hmmm. What sort of truth? Or, is this the truth?”
Perhaps, she thought, there was something to the girl’s use of the disguise art after all. Without it, she would probably find it difficult to be unnoticed. With it, she could live.
“Sit wherever you choose.”
*@*@*@*
Hinata found a seat in only a moment. It was an easy chair, with red leather upholstery. It would have been very comfortable were this not a mission briefing, or something else that was equally horrible, but it was.
“You seem to have survived your last mission unscathed,” the older woman noted.
Hinata nodded. Her most recent mission, which ended two weeks before, had not entailed an assassination. Rather, she was expected to observe a certain man as he completed a certain task, without herself being discovered. It wasn’t terribly difficult, and the pay was good.
“Actually, your record at that is exemplary.”
Hinata carefully stayed silent. Tsunade was bestowing compliments? Now? It was almost unbelievable. And yet, it was true.
“Still, there are always more missions to assign. Most of them are stupid, and they get fobbed off on the youngest, least experienced genin. We call them D-ranks. I’m told you’ve completed a few here and there.”
Hinata ignored the sarcasm. She had done her share of D-ranks, but there were also a respectable number of C’s, a fair number of B’s, and a climbing number of A-ranks. And one S-rank. She hoped never to have one of those again. A-ranks were bad enough; they were usually the sole province of jounin – but Hinata was in ANBU. The name spelled out everything.
Tsunade tossed her a collated file, three pages in length. “Read the first two pages of this. Don’t read the third until I say so.”
Some time passed as Hinata did so. When the first read was over, she read it twice more before stopping. It had been an intriguing read: two mountains destroyed; chi lines distorted; chi nexus moving towards uncertain location; global climate possibly to cool; long-term effect unknown.
She placed the file on her lap. “I’m not sure I understand,” she started to intone, but she was interrupted.
“Bullshit”, Tsunade replied. “You understood every word perfectly. You don’t have anything to protect here, so don’t lie.”
Hinata considered this. At length, she decided it was true. “Most of this is theory,” she muttered. “It isn’t something that can be tested. It can only be observed, over time. And it will be a *long* time, Hokage-sama. And few will ever really understand the reasons even if the speculation proves correct.”
Tsunade nodded. “And time is the important factor, or at least one of them. You can read the last page now.”
Hinata picked up the file and began to read again. She read the last page twice, then the entire file in succession twice before stopping. The last page was much less interesting.
“Bodyguard duty? For a teenage girl? Am I needed?”
*@*@*@*
Tsunade considered the girl’s reaction. It had been exactly as she expected. “Time is the important factor, moon-daughter. The bodyguard stint is simply what gets you paid for the duration of this mission.”
Tsunade watched the girl’s face as she attempted to school her expressions. The girl thought the mission was beneath her. It was stunning to have this from her, as the girl suffered from an extraordinary number of contradictory neuroses, a massive inferiority complex among them, in Tsunade’s opinion.
*@*@*@*
“Paid during the mission,” Hinata inquired. “That’s not normal.”
It was actually highly abnormal, she thought. In fact, it was unheard of. Payment was delivered when the mission was completed to standard, and never before.
“You can read. Read *between* the lines”, came the reply, in a biting tone.
Hinata read the entire file once more, and considered it for fifteen minutes before speaking again. “So I’m to collect data to support or refute the first two pages, while I protect this girl?”
Her assumption was proven correct with a nod.
*@*@*@*
“More or less”, she remarked. “Your observations will be more important, although the girl must be protected as well.”
On a whim, she intoned, “You shouldn’t have ever joined ANBU.”
The expected shiver of surprise was immediately gratifying. She decided to elaborate. “You have the nature of a healer. You don’t belong among those who murder and plunder for Konoha’s benefit.”
She was rewarded with another shiver. She saw a chance for progress and so pushed further. “Haruno Sakura is an exceptional apprentice. She has made great strides.”
Yet another shiver, she noted. “I wish *you* had asked me to be my apprentice. If you had, I’d have let Shizune teach Sakura. I would have taught you.” This was becoming therapeutic, and she’d decided it was necessary for her moon-daughter to hear it.
She found no small enjoyment in this. “Despite Sakura’s potential and drive, she will eventually plateau. I have no doubt in her ability to learn everything I will teach her, but she is a warrior – even if it took her too long, and cost Konoha too much, for her to recognize it.”
She noted yet another shiver. This could now be considered ‘venting.’ “I, myself, am a warrior, despite my skill in healing. I have an instinct for healing, but not the equal of your own. Shizune doesn’t have it either. You would have surpassed Sakura, Shizune, and myself, easily, given enough time. No healer in the world would compare to you, I think.”
Tears were now rolling down her moon-daughter’s face, she observed. Clearly, the girl was listening, and felt every word.
“I am the fifth Hokage of Konoha. People call me The Fifth, or one of The Three. I hate the formality of both those titles. I hate that people look up to me. Even when I exercise my skill in healing, I cannot save a soul. I do nothing for this world.”
The tears were becoming more pronounced. “There will be more and more missions, and we will lose more and more people in more and more wars. All I can do is try to protect the people I see, and bury the bodies of civilians, comrades, lovers, and brothers.”
And yet, there was a greater point here, which she now reached. “Think about this for a while. There have been *days* when I’ve killed more people than you have in your lifetime. That, more than likely, will always be true. Your depression brings you nothing but hurt. That, I will not allow.”
She sighed. “Please, get dressed and go. You’ve got a mission to prepare for and I’ve said what I can.”
She stared at the ceiling for ten minutes. When she stopped, she found that her moon-daughter was gone. And she could not feel her chakra anywhere in the building.
“I am the mother-protector of all Konoha. Let all know this, and may none even try to prevent me from carrying out my work. Or Hell shall be paid in full.”
*^*^*^*
The headquarters of the Leaf ANBU were not in the administration building. They were in a separate facility several miles away; and in fact the ANBU section of the building was all below ground. Above ground was a six-story private apartment complex, mostly populated by civilians. Only a couple of ninja lived there; none of whom were familiar to Hyuuga Hinata.
At the moment, she didn’t particularly care about them – she wasn’t even thinking of them. She was, currently, shedding tears in a private shower stall in a private changing room reserved exclusively to herself. Every member of ANBU was allotted such luxuries, for they were the elite; they reported only to their direct supervisor: Tsunade herself. The water was, per normal, extremely hot. She’d been under the stream for fifteen minutes, and her skin was very red. Only her willpower kept her from screaming.
She couldn’t find the energy to care about the physical pain. Everything was currently devoted to…attempting to forget. She didn’t want to remember anything that had just occurred; any of the terrifying emotions Tsunade had forced out. Only the mission was relevant.
Only the mission. Only the mission. Only the mission.
If she repeated it enough times, maybe it would reassure her. Probably not, she decided, and she stopped. She turned the water off and stepped out, not bothering to towel off. Heedless of her nudity, for there was no one else in here or even in HQ at the moment, she walked out of the stall and into the changing room itself.
She stared at her reflection in the mirror for several minutes. Her body annoyed her. There was only one person she’d wanted the attention of, which was partly why she’d started using that *particular* disguise art. It wasn’t a good thing in her line of work for her to be easily noticed, and she didn’t like the attention anyway.
She snorted in disgust, and shattered the mirror with a raw bolt of angry, unfocused chakra. *They* were growing again, probably. Why was it that she had to be “blessed” with breasts very nearly as large as Tsunade’s, perfect child-bearing hips (or so she’d been told) and an ass like sculpted granite? Let that be anybody else's body; she didn’t need it. Why did she have to be so miserably short (just barely five-foot-two)? She’d rather have been taller, even just a couple of inches would be nice. Why did she have to have silky straight black-purple hair that was now nearly waist-length? Well, that one was easily solved. Shorter hair would be easier to manage anyway. She could put it in a ponytail again; she liked that.
Not for the first time today, certainly not for the first time ever, she wished she could be somebody, really anybody, else.
As she looked at the floor, seeing the shards of glass everywhere, her eyes mocked her as well. Hyuuga. Always, and forever, a Hyuuga – with eyes like fields of endless white.
She quickly dressed herself, and walked out.
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(Posted Sun, 27 Nov 2005 03:29)
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