"He's very fast," noted Minako, pouting a little.
"What was that about?" asked a scowling Rei.
"Alas, it was a training accident," said Genma. "The shame of it."
Setsuna beat her hormones down long enough to ask the obvious question. "Something to do with starving a bunch of cats, wrapping your son in fish sausages, and then throwing him into a pit of said cats repeatedly?"
Everyone stared at Setsuna, wondering where such a bizarre idea had come from.
"No, that was the Cat Fist training, different training accident entirely," admitted Genma.
Everyone turned their stares to Genma now.
"In order to get the boy to avoid the obvious distractions of girls, I sort of told him a few horror stories," said Genma, then began relating some of the tales of body-fluid extraction by fiendishly sadistic females in their mating throes. He even had the boy watch spider and mantis matings. He'd told the boy that was the REAL reason there were so few males.
"So you told him things like that, and kept him isolated from women most of the time," said Setsuna calmly. "Well, that isn't insurmountable."
"Then I came up with a genius idea, though it didn't quite work out. Foolish boy!" said Genma, weeping crocodile tears. "If only he had cooperated more! I saw how well the Cat Fist training had taught the boy to be afraid of cats, so..."
"YOU DIDN'T!" exclaimed Usagi, horrified.
"I modified the Cat Fist training to the Onna-Ken training!" said Genma, beseeching the heavens apparently. "It worked well. Too well. Take one young boy already afraid of women. Tie him up and use candy and frilly little things. Throw him into a pit of affection-starved young girls. Ah, the path of a martial artist is fraught with hardship."
"So he's terminally afraid of women on a planet where the overwhelming majority of the people ARE women?" asked the doctor, sitting back against a desk, quite obviously stunned.
"Even more shameful," declared Genma. "The boy exhibits an allergy to contact with women or their clothing, his skin breaking out. Oh, the shame of having such a foolish boy."
WHAM! CRACK! SMASH! FLATTEN! THUD! CRUNCH! WHACK! HAMMER! Hmph! WHUMPF!
"Oh, the pain of having such a foolish father," said Haruka, dusting her hands off.
"We'll have to try therapy to get him over these problems," said the doctor as she picked up a rather large needle. "First, I think Mister Saotome needs a little rest. I get this uncomfortable feeling that he'd just make things worse. Ami?"
"Yes, mother?" responded the young lady in question.
"This will require some effort," said the doctor. "Let me seal the building first."
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(Posted Mon, 19 Sep 2005 21:40)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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