Soun smiled at the reminder of the imminent culmination of his plans and dreams. "Oh, I can handle that."
Kasumi had over anticipated her father's reaction; her reply was almost too fast to be polite. "No, that wouldn't do. Tradition dictates that a senior woman holds that role. Anyway I've already asked someone, and she accepted."
When Kasumi contradicted him, he feared the worst. For a moment he was sure she was going to try to postpone the omiai because she needed time to pick a representative. He knew Kasumi was obviously nervous; after all marriage is a large step.
His emotions started fluctuating wildly. From his previous elation to fear, dread, and anger over Kasumi's suspected delaying tactic. To joy and guilt that he misunderstood. There was even an unjustifiable touch of annoyance that she had acted without consulting her father before upsetting his plans.
He briefly considered telling Kasumi that he insisted in acting as representative in spite of being male. The marriage was too important to risk on an outsider who might not do what was expected of them. That idea quickly died, as they couldn't dismiss someone after inviting them, it would be a serious insult.
No, the only thing he could do now is make sure she understood what Soun expected of her, and hope she was sound. But was she sound? Kasumi hasn't said who it was yet. Why hasn't Kasumi said who it was yet? "Kasumi, who did you invite?" An unexplained feeling of imminent doom settled on Soun's shoulders.
"Mrs. Innyuendo."
Soun groaned piteously.
Genma looked at his depressed partner, and asked "What's the matter? Doesn't she approve of marriage?"
Kasumi smiled, "Oh, yes. She was happily married when she was 17, for nineteen years when her husband died."
"Then what's all the fuss about?"
Nabiki grinned. "I'm afraid she's been after our father ever since he went round while she was having some home renovation done to the front of her home."
Soun Tendo groaned again, and buried his face in his hands.
"Apparently Daddy said she should call him if she needed another hand getting her ass felt, laid out in her driveway."
"Asphalt! I said 'Asphalt!' No one ever listens."
"Then there was that time they were discussing water purity when he started discussing his genitalia and offered to show them to her."
"What I actually said, was 'I see my tester calls once a month to check for any changes. Would you like me to give you a formal introduction?'"
"And there was that scandalous event where you offered to give her oral sex."
"All I said was if she regularly found herself lying awake in bed and getting frustrated I could provide a good liquor."
"You also said it would take her mind off her day to day problems, and it would be something to look forward to in the evening."
"And you know how Daddy's speech gets all garbled whenever he's had a few sake? Like the time he insisted that young woman was 'a candy runt who had a job as a pheasant plucker'?"
Genma nodded, not that he had ever heard about that particular story, He was thinking back to that time when they had been trying to stop the master's depredations, and Soun tried to say "The master was always on some careless hunt seeking more panties." It nearly cost them the support of the Women Hording Underwear for its Protection. That was where he had first met Nodoka; She was the finest looking piece of WHUP ass he'd ever seen.
"Well, there was the time she asked him about how he was always fiddling with a rabbit’s foot. I think he threw it away the next day, but at the time he looked her right in the face, and without an ounce of embarrassment told her 'I derive pleasure and a sense of peace with Lingering my Fuck.'"
"And I still haven't heard the details about what he tried last Thursday..."
That one was entirely her fault. She took my words totally out of context. She had a hammer, nails and some framed photographs of her husband, whom she must have been daydreaming about. So I said 'You're at a disadvantage as a woman living by yourself. It's only natural that you need a man to help you with this. The hard part is finding a good stud; but I could start hammering away in a surprisingly short time. I can assure you I'll make sure it's well hung.'"
Genma looked at his friend. "Are you sure you're not making Freudian slips?"
Soun started to cry. "Why does everyone ask me that?
"Well, there was that time at a council meeting. Apparently daddy mentioned how beautiful her outfit was."
Genma retorted "It's unlike him, but not that extreme."
Nabiki ignored Genma's comment, "Apparently she was wearing one of her best elegant dresses, and a pair of beautiful new shoes. When he mentioned how nice it had looked, someone asked him what she had worn just as daddy was walking out the door. So he never got to clarify when he said in a loud clear voice to a room full of people, 'A dark purple dress and matching cloth pumps. I was surprised how nice her outfit looked with just a simple dress and felt uppers."
And what about that last Neighborhood meeting?
"Someone else coughed! I was celebrating about the imminent marriage. I clearly said 'I want to share my HAppiness with you.'"
"Come on, daddy; for me? Tell us how in her company you feel like a boob. You feel a perfect tit. How you're a wanker. Come on, tell us how you're hard to please."
"Nabiki! That's a horrible thing to say!' Unfortunately Kasumi's admonishment was completely mitigated by her colossal grin.
"You'll see. Tonight I'm not going to say a single thing that could be taken the wrong way!"
And it seemed like everything everyone else said could lead him to saying the wrong thing. It started when Mrs. Innyuendo arrived and said, "Sorry I'm late, I've got a little behind."
Nabiki was obviously trying to make him slip up, he had expected that. But he hadn't expected attack to come from all sides. Surely it was just a coincidence that Genma said tonight of all nights, "There's nothing like the taste of raw fish, eh Soun?" while complementing Kasumi's dinner.
Or her comment, I never know what's the best thing to do with an eel. But Ranma had some suggestions. Apparently he used to choke his eels in mountain streams. He offered to show me later the things he's done with his eels."
Soun was worried he was becoming paranoid. He was still mulling over Akane's comment about talking with her mouth full to try to tell if they were doing it to him on purpose.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Innyuendo was telling everyone a story about how the charity which she volunteered her time for, had sought bids for some contract work."... Of course I had to be strictly impartial, but I was delighted to see his little firm won." Soun gurgled. "It was hard, but everything came all right in the end, and afterwards I was able to give them my congratulations, and hand jobs to all the men."
Soun whimpered
Kasumi asked her, "You mentioned on the phone that the Sunday paper had a list of the most popular things men enjoy eating; were you able to bring it?"
"Lefttit behind."
Soun choked on his water, but was cheered by the way Kasumi looked shocked, glanced quickly at Ranma, then stared at her hands and blushed. No one else seemed to notice anything odd.
Finally the dinner was at an end, and Soun hadn't said one inappropriate or embarrassing thing. Everyone else was sorry to see her go, because she was a host of stories that had everyone but Soun laughing; sometimes in places she intended them to.
But for Soun, all he could feel was a sense of triumph and relief at not adding to the host of stories about him. So in a cheerful mood, and ignoring the sake he had drank at dinner, he said, "We'll see each other this weekend. No sense letting ourselves get Fuck in a Stairwell."
S.E.
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(Posted Mon, 10 Oct 2005 03:15)
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