He got this figure by dividing humanity in general into three categories: Confused Wool, Turtles, and Actual People. Confused Wool (Hawkeye had read and enjoyed Semi-Tough) presumed that, since nobody would do outrageous things unless they had authority, Hawkeye was fully authorized by the Powers that Be to do whatever he was doing. Turtles were just intelligent enough to realize that he was breaking rules, but ignored it for various reasons- from not wanting to be bothered with the consequences to sheer disbelief that anyone could act the way Hawkeye often did. This accounted for two-thirds, or sixty-seven percent, of humanity; the remaining sixteen percent came from the fact that Actual People, those who used their brains, tended as often as not to become willing accomplices to Hawkeye's schemes.
Hot Lips had spent pretty much her entire Army career following the rules, and during their term in Korea had been foremost among Hawkeye's obstacles. Over time the Pierce Method had grown on her, and by the time she had retired she had adopted it for herself. For her it had been even more successful than eighty-three percent, if for no other reason that Hawkeye didn't have her astronomical levels of sex appeal.
In short, both people were quite used to getting their way and confounding those who tried to stop them. This explained their sheer frustration with a computer which, had it been human, would have fallen square into the seventeen percent of humanity Hawkeye had to deal with by other means.
So long as Ranma stood at the terminal, and didn't move out of arm's reach of the touchscreen and keyboard, the computer would answer the questions Hawkeye and Hot Lips asked... provided, of course, it felt those questions of educational importance to Ranma. If the question wasn't relevant (for the computer's unknown definition of relevance) it would be ignored. In fact, the computer seemed to ignore about every fifth question automatically, to encourage Ranma to actually type into the computer.
Hawkeye had not encountered such an effective stone wall since the last time he'd had to deal with the United States Army Quartermaster Corps.
At the moment one portion of the terminal's screen showed the current status of Akane Tendo, ending with the "Abort/Retry/Fail?" prompt. Thankfully a second-layer confirmation was required to implement any of the three options; on four occasions Ranma had accidentally selected one of the three options, to the horror of all concerned. What could be done by accident, all realized, likely could not be undone, or done again for that matter.
"(Okay, you stupid machine,)" Hawkeye said, "(let's stick to very simple things. I am a medical doctor, revived by the operator as his advisor in such matters. Correct?)"
Ranma had, at this point, become proficient in both Japanese and English in entering the phrase Answer his question and several other variants. He did so again.
Subject Benjamin Pierce is a fully qualified medical doctor and surgeon for purposes of personal care of designated emergency operator.
"(I'll take that as a yes. OK. As such I require answers to questions which relate to all matters which involve medicine, so that I may better advise the operator. Understood?)"
This facility is programmed to respond only to the requests and wishes of the operator.
Ranma typed in: Answer all questions asked by Hawkeye Pierce.
This facility is programmed to respond only to the requests and wishes of the operator. Instruction not implementable.
"Enough," Hot Lips muttered. "We've been at this for hours and we're right where we started. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, my feet hurt. Forget the operations for now- we just need the answers."
"Right," Hawkeye nodded. "(Okay. Let's cut to the chase. Ranma, ask the computer what will happen if Abort, Retry or Fail is selected regarding Akane Tendo.)"
Ranma typed, and the computer responded:
ABORT: Humaniform duplicate of Akane Tendo will be preserved and pattern buffer saved. RETRY: Humaniform duplicate of Akane Tendo will be destroyed. New humaniform will be crafted based on pattern in buffer and memory and soul transfer will proceed. FAIL: Humaniform duplicate of Akane Tendo will be destroyed. Pattern buffer will be erased and soul cache cleared.
"(Okay, forget Fail,)" Ranma muttered.
"(Right,)" Hawkeye nodded. "(Now we need to know the dangers of Abort and Retry. Ask it what can go wrong with Aborting now and starting from scratch later.)"
Soul cache is prone to decay over time. Subject is already approaching maximum recommended safe cache time. Memory in pattern buffer is unverified and may be corrupted by incomplete duplication process. Incomplete duplicate of Akane Tendo may be revived in error without complete memory or soul and therefore presents a potential danger (see cultural reference: Frankenstein Monster).
"(And the same for Retry.)"
45% memory transfer in Akane Tendo incomplete duplicate represents only source of verifiable memory. Memory in cache comes from original body, now destroyed and unavailable for access. Causes of corruption error remain unresolved, posing potential for multiple repeat interrupts. Multiple duplication of memory poses threat of corruption, loss or alteration of memory. Risk of contagion remains high.
"(Let's look at that contagion issue again,)" Hawkeye muttered. "(Ask it if the copy we've got now is contagious.)"
Affirmative. Process was interrupted at first indication of viral strain in duplicate.
"(Well, separate the damn thing out,)" Hawkeye muttered. "(You can cure Alzheimer's, for Chrissake, why not this?)"
Viral strain is detectable only as abnormal DNA and RNA fragments in duplicate. This system is not programmed to differentiate unidentified virii from authentic humanoid genetic material.
"(But you have the original DNA, right?)"
Affirmative.
"(Then forget the robot body, just clone a new Akane, human, with the DNA you have on file.)"
ETHICAL OVERRIDE #7: No whole human body is to be cloned for purpose of personality or soul transfer. This constitutes murder according to the makers of this facility. Transferred soul humaniforms do not have independent potential to develop soul or personality and thus may be used for this purpose.
Hawkeye read this, slumped on his feet for a moment, then said, "(Kid, ask this thing for some food, a couple brews, and something to eat on, table, chairs, like that.)"
"(What about Akane?)"
"(She'll have to sit for a little while longer. I got no more ideas, and I don't like the options we have in front of us.)"
"Me either," Hot Lips said. "Ask for pen and paper, too. It's time we got organized. We need to look at our problems, prioritize them, and find a solution."
After several complaints that adequate food supplies existed in the environmental dome habitats, the computer finally produced food and drinks which satisfied nobody. As they ate, they discussed this problem first. Ranma, although a passable cook under supervision, refused to volunteer the information. Hawkeye's cooking skills were limited to distilling rotgut. Hot Lips, having grown up Army, believed that KP was something which happened to other people. The subject was eventually tabled without action, and once the rations were consumed the problems were listed on the notepad as follows.
1. System is difficult to work with and operates at a level far beyond what we understand.
2. System operates at least partially on "magic," something we either don't believe in or have no knowledge of.
3. Akane Tendo has a disease unknown to current medical personnel. This disease must be cured or otherwise disposed of before she can be rescued.
4. Rescue of Akane Tendo poses extreme hazard to Akane Tendo; so does the status quo. Action must be taken, but we don't know what action to take.
5. This facility poses major ethical concerns. Any and all actions must be taken with the greatest caution.
"(What about getting us home?)" Ranma asked.
"(Your home has a nasty virus on it devouring all animal life, if it hasn't already done it,)" Hawkeye said. "(Our home went up in a radioactive cloud. Forget home. For now, forget anyone you loved who didn't make it here, because here is all there is for the moment.)" When Ranma tried to say something else, Hawkeye shot him a look that stopped the question cold. During the thrashing with the machine, Hawkeye had asked about several people, and none of them had made it... including one Mary Pierce, Hawkeye's loving and long-suffering wife.
"Anyway, it's not a priority problem," Hot Lips said, breaking the silence. "These points are. And I don't see any way around finding someone else to wake up to help us with them."
"(Except for the last point, I agree,)" Hawkeye said. "(I don't want anyone dictating ethics to me, thank you.)"
"This from a man who took photos of me in the nurses' shower back at the 4077th?"
"Well, now-"
"Obtaining those photos by collapsing the wall of the shower tent with an audience composed of you, Duke, Trapper John, and virtually the entire enlisted company of that military unit?"
"I can explain-"
"And then submitted the shots to National Geographic along with an article about the mysterious native Amazon women of the Inchon River?"
"I offered you all the royalties if the article was accepted," Hawkeye retorted. "Nothing unethical about it."
"Hawkeye, I don't think anyone COULD tell you how to act ethically," Hot Lips said. "So let's not bother about that."
"(What are the two of you talking about?)" Ranma asked.
"(Discussing options for which problem we find a troubleshooter for first,)" Hawkeye said.
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(Posted Fri, 03 Mar 2006 02:51)
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