“What does it look like I’m doing? I am redecorating my room.”
“Shake, this isn’t your room. It’s Meatwad’s.”
“Well, he’s not here, now is he?”
“No, but Nabiki is going to be staying in this room.”
“Of course she will! After all, this is where I will be sleeping and she is going to be my slavegirl, and as such she will need to be nearby to service me when I am ‘in the mood.’”
“Shake, she is not going to be your sex slave.”
Shake, as one might expect, did not react well to being informed that the world was not required to conform to his every whim. “Oh, I get it,” he said, squinting at his roommate. “You want her for yourself!”
“What? Whatever gave you that idea?!”
“Well, obviously, if you don’t want her to be my slavegirl, you plan on making her yours!”
“I do not want a slave, Shake.”
“Then why do you have a problem with her being mine?”
“You don’t even know if she’d want to do that!”
“Well, she’d better, or else all that S & M equipment I bought using your credit card is going to go to waste.”
“WHAT?!!!??!”
“I said, she’d better, or else all that—”
“I heard what you said, Shake, and I’m going to call up my credit card company and have them cancel those orders.”
“You can’t do that! — Can you?”
“Of course I can—I have the right to as a victim of identity theft.”
“Who stole your identity?”
“You did!”
“When—”
“When you stole my credit card, dammit!”
“I didn’t steal it, I was borrowing it.”
“Really. And were you going to pay me back for all of the stuff you ordered?”
“Don’t confuse the issue!”
Frylock sighed and wondered if his roommate would ever learn. “Shake, you can’t just assume that she’ll be willing to conform to your ridiculous stereotypes—and before you even think of trying it, tricking her into believing she’s required to act a certain way in America is not only unethical, it’s more than likely illegal.”
Damn! I should have known he’d try something like that. “Fine, have it your way. It doesn’t matter. Once she becomes my slave of her own free will—which she will do, because she is a Japanese schoolgirl and in their homeland, they are required by law to be horny and submissive—I will simply order her to let me sleep in this room with her. Unless you plan on raising a big stink about that, too.”
“In the unlikely event that that does occur, I’ll concede, provided that there is clear evidence that such a relationship is fully consensual.”
Shake rolled his eyes at Frylock’s continued attempts at preemptive cock-blocking. “All right, you spoilsport, I’ll make sure it’s all ‘ethical’, just for you.”
“Damn right you will. And until you get that consent, get the hell out of Nabiki’s room.”
“Alright! Alright! Keep your shirt on!” Shake shuffled his way out of the dirt-covered room, grumbling softly to himself.
Frylock sighed. I hope Meatwad’s doing OK…
“Are you sure it’s legal to let a blob of ground hamburger just sit out in the open like that?”
“It has a ticket…”
“That doesn’t change the fact that it’s probably violating several health codes!”
“All right, you tell him to leave!”
The airport employee walked over to Meatwad to do just that. “Excuse me?”
“Yes?”
“I’m afraid that we can’t allow you on this flight.”
“You… you can’t?”
“Yes, you see, the current health codes—”
The employee didn’t get a chance to go into the cavalcade of legalese that ordinarily swamped even the most dedicated of travelers, as Meatwad began bawling. “WAAAHHH!”
The airport employee was looked around nervously as a crowd started to gather. “Look, I’m sorry, but regulations...”
“WAAAHHH!”
As the crowd’s demeanor shifted from mild interest to outright disapproval, the man began sweating profusely. “That is… what I mean to say is… would it be alright if we upgraded you to first class?”
“WAAA—Huh? First class? Is that good?”
“You get a lot more legroom…” As if that mattered to someone without any legs.
“What else?”
“Well,” the man leaned closer to Meatwad and quietly whispered, “you also get served food that’s been approved for human consumption.”
“Edible food?! Oh Hell yeah!”
“Right… wait here, while I get things arranged for you.” The airline employee walked over to the gate at the computer.
“Well, you sure showed him, Ed.”
“Shut up.”
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(Posted Sun, 19 Mar 2006 04:30)
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