“Alright, is everyone here?” A quick look around the Hikawa shrine showed that this was indeed the case: all of the Senshi were present (and Usagi had even managed to be on time for once), as were both of the mooncats and Mamoru. In addition, a certain consultant named Nabiki Tendo was also present to answer any questions about the situation in Nerima and to provide an outside opinion on any decisions that would be made tonight. After finishing the scan of her visitors, Rei turned the floor over to Setsuna, who had been the one to call this meeting (though if she hadn’t called it, someone else probably would have).
“I don’t think I really need to give an explanation for why this meeting was called,” she began. “We are here to discuss one item: Bob.”
Heads nodded around the room.
“Quite simply, he couldn’t have gotten here on his own—and since he's obviously a middle management youma, he probably wouldn’t try coming to this plane of existence even if he could. In other words, someone had to summon him, and we have no idea who this person could be.”
“Well, actually, you do have a few clues,” responded Nabiki. The mere fact that this summoner knew about Kuno’s antics means he or she is familiar with that part of Nerima—and that means that this person is more than likely a local, or at least someone with a connection to Furinkan.”
“Do you know who it might be?” asked Michiru.
“I can’t say for sure—there are a few people who have shown some interest in the occult, but I’ve never come across anything that would lead me to believe that any of those people would be capable of pulling something like this off. Still, I’ll keep my eyes open—for my usual fee, of course.”
Rei rolled her eyes. Nabiki may have been a decent person, but that didn’t stop her from making money every chance she got.
“Even with Nabiki’s nose for information, we’re still going to have to decide what we’re going to do,” Ami pointed out.
“Agreed,” said Luna. “Until we know more about the nature of this mysterious person who summoned the youma, it would be best for us to stay on our guard.”
“What, like sending out patrols?” asked Makoto who obviously wasn’t thrilled with the idea of going through large amounts effort to deal with someone who might turn out to be benign.
“Not exactly… it wouldn’t make sense to use any more force than necessary—after all, you all have regular lives to lead as well. I’m merely suggesting that we be ready in case this does turn out to be a threat.”
“Which isn’t really much of a difference, since we’re supposed to be ready at all times anyway,” Mamoru added in.
“Yeah, but I thought Galaxia was supposed to be the last major threat before the Great Freeze…”
Setsuna stepped up to try and quell her Princess’s confusion. “Usagi, the key word here is ‘major.’ Compared to Metallia, Galaxia, or the Great Freeze, there are very few threats that could be called ‘major.’ However, that does not mean that a ‘minor’ threat can’t be dangerous.”
“Yeah, especially since your spouse has made it rather difficult for you to pick up details in the Time Gates,” Haruka pointed out to the chagrin of her green-haired roommate.
“Yes, well, my point is that for something to be considered a ‘major’ threat, it generally means that, if it is unopposed, might result in the eradication of humanity, and to a slightly lesser extent of human dignity and freedom. Obviously, there are several types of serious threats that do not fall into that category.”
“And of course,” remarked Artemis, “ there’s always a chance that this really is the first in a chain of events that will bring about the Great Freeze.”
“My, aren’t we optimistic?” Haruka deapanned.
“I’m only saying it’s a possibility.”
“Right. But the point is, we’re going to have to be vigilantes to make sure we aren’t surprised,” Minako added.
“I think you meant ‘vigilant,’ Mina-chan,” replied Ami. “Though, technically, one could argue that we are already vigilantes, in that we essentially take justice into our own hands at times, at least as far as youma and the like are concerned—”
“Perhaps, but now is hardly the time for semantics,” said Pluto, who still did not like the idea of youma being the ethical equivalent of humans—even if her Princess appeared to disagree—and did not particularly want to dwell on this issue. It was time to change the subject a little. “Nabiki, have there been any recent developments in Nerima since the incident?”
“Not really—most people are responding to Kuno’s incapacitation with cautious enthusiasm, which is just as well. I don’t think my sister could handle it if all of her potential suitors approached her at once, anyway. Mostly, people are trying to figure out exactly how much time they have until the moron is back in action; it’s not as easy as it sounds, since he’s a notoriously fast healer, like a lot of the martial artists in the area. But speaking of the Blue Dunderhead, he has, through his family’s retainer, asked me for my services in learning a particularly important bit of information.”
“Which is?”
“He wants me to discover Sailor Neptune’s identity.”
This elicited a mass “What?” from the other occupants of the room.
“Apparently, he believes that Neptune’s original attack on Bob was motivated by devotion and/or infatuation with him, and out of the goodness of his heart, Kuno has decided to repay her by allowing her to date him.”
“You have got to be kidding me,” said Haruka as her lover hung her head.
“Nope. He’s serious, too—when I saw him, he’d already written about a dozen haiku praising her delicate femininity, as well as a few longer peices about the way she must be attracted to his masculine charm. I almost burst out laughing when he mentioned that.”
“Because Michiru is a lesbian and therefore could not be attracted to any form of masculinity?” Ami posited.
“That, and the concept of Kuno having any quality that even remotely resembles charm is so at odds with reality that it’s just plain ludicrous.”
“Ugh. Why me?” said Michiru, in a tone that wasn’t really sorrowful so much as it was irritated.
“I’m really not that surprised, actually. He also had a virulent crush on a certain classical violinist until she publicly came out of the closet. I think he’s simply transferred his delusions about Michiru to Sailor Neptune, with the important difference being that Sailor Neptune is obviously straight.”
“How does he know that?” asked a somewhat irate Haruka.
“She has to be straight because she’s in love with him.”
“And how does he know that?”
“I already told you, she tried to protect him from Bob.”
“That isn’t proof!”
“To Kuno it is.”
“What? Is he really that much of an idiot?”
“When it comes to interpersonal relationships, Kuno lives in his own little world. He can’t accept the possibility that any woman who’s met him personally is not head over heels in love with him—well, except for me. He’s somehow managed to recognize that I don’t fawn over him like all of the imaginary women in his mind. But then, he’s also convinced that I’m a lesbian, since I’m far too ‘aggressive’ in my demeanor for a ‘proper’ lady.”
“And what about all the less ‘aggressive’ women who spurn him?”
“Obviously, they are under the influence of an evil sorcerer, with Ranma as his favorite suspect. The only reason he even believed Michiru’s coming out was ‘genuine’ was because Ranma is obviously too uncouth to have any interest in classical music.”
“Wow,” said Rei, who, like most of the other people in the room, were becoming awestruck by the kendoist’s near-infinite capacity for self-delusion. “Is there any stereotype that he doesn’t believe?”
“He doesn’t believe the stereotype that all the members of the Kuno clan are delusional morons—though he will admit that it applies to everyone in his family but himself.”
“So what should I do about him?” asked Michiru, who clearly did not like the idea of this wacko pining after her.
“I don’t think you’ll need to do anything. After all, he’s convinced that you can’t be Neptune, and once he’s made up his mind about something, he refuses to change it. You could probably transform in front of him and he wouldn’t believe it. Of course, if he ever finds out that you know Ranma, you’ll probably shoot right to the top of the list, since he’d convince himself that Ranma used some evil charm to “turn you gay” just to spite him.
“But the only person who takes Kuno at his word is himself. If he somehow manages to discover your secret and decides to proclaim it to the world, that will just convince the world that there’s no possible way you could be Neptune. Still, I’d suggest you take extra precaution when you transform into your civilian form—if you’re followed as Neptune, anyone you associate with will probably end up being harassed.”
Michiru nodded. This would certainly be a pain, but it could be worse.
“Well,” said Rei, who wanted to wrap this up before her grandfather returned. “now that that’s taken care of, is there anything else to discuss?”
“Well, there’s still me,” said a hitherto unheard voice. Heads whipped around to see a figure standing at the shrine’s entrance, followed by gasps, jaw-droppings, and in Usagi’s case, a flat-out groan.
She was taller, her hair was longer, and she exuded the attitude of a rebellious teenager, but her distinctive take on her mother’s hairstyle (not to mention her hair color) left no doubt about her identity to anyone present (including Nabiki, who’d never actually met her before).
Chibi-Usa grinned at the assembled mass. “I’m back.”
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(Posted Mon, 06 Mar 2006 05:25)
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