Senshi of Love: The swirly eyed duck of doom. [Episode 168205]

“So, anyway, my friends and I fixed everything we could back… home…” Mercury explained, “but the sex fiends seemed to have just packed up and relocated.  So, since there’s nothing to worry about back… there… I decided to come see what I could do to help out here.”

“Ahem, excuse me,” a timid voice asked.  “Could you help me a moment?”

“Of course, Sir, Ah’m always willin’ ta help,” the sales-girl answered, with a polite Osakan accent, as she turned towards the customer, then exclaimed in alarm on seeing who it was.  “Oh, no, Umino-san!  Ah’m not going to look inta yoah eyes.  Ah’m not lookin’ deep into yoah eyes… look so deep Ah fall, fall under yoah spell, making me feel verah relaxed, relaxed an’ obedient, obedient ta yoah everah desire.  Ah will… do… whatevah… y’all… say…”

“Ah… what?” the puzzled boy demanded, removed his glasses to peer at them briefly, before replacing them and waving his hand in front of the entranced girl’s eyes.  “Uhm, Naru-san?”

“Yes,… Master,… Ah… heah… an’… obeah…”

“Uhah… Naru-san, snap out of it.  Wake up!”

“Woo… wah… what?” the girl blinked, then glared.  “Umino-san!  How dare y’all use yoah glasses ta put me under… again!  Haven’t y’all learned yoah lesson after the hockey team strung y’all up ta play Umino-pinyata?”

“But, Naru-san,” the boy protested while cowering from the girl’s looming wrath, “I’m not wearing those glasses any more.  They were broken back then, remember.  These are my old prescription.”

“But, ya… Huh?” the girl babbled as she dared to glance, then stared carefully at the thickly-lensed glasses.  “Oh, so they ahre.  Now that Ah look closer Ah can see, see deep inta yoah eyes, so deep Ah’m fallin’, fallin’ …”

“Naru, stop that!” the boy ordered sharply.

“Wha…?” the girl flinched.  “There!  Y’all were doing it again!”

“What’s all the commotion over heah?” an authoritative voice demanded as an older woman came over to investigate.

“Mother, Umino-kun is trying ta hypnotise me!” exclaimed the girl. “Again!”

“That’s nice, Dear.”

“But I’m not doing any such th… huh?”

“‘Nice’?” the girl exclaimed.  “What do ya mean ‘that’s nice’.  He was tryin’ ta put me under a trance so he could make me… do… ya know… things.”

“Yes, Ah know.  But y'all enjoy being hypnotised, Dear,” the woman explained and pulled out a gold pocket watch, “ya have evah since that nice gentleman gave mah this shiny, shiny watch.  Watch the watch, Naru.  Remember how it makes y'all feel so verah, verah relaxed; so relaxed ya immedahatelah begin ta drift off ta sleep, drifting deeper, deeper inta a deep, submissive trance where y'all will listen ta everahthin’ Ah say.  Listen an’ obeah ya Mommy, Naru.”

“Listen… an’… obeah…,” Naru repeated as her head swayed in time to the swinging watch.  “Do… eveah… thin’… ya… say…”

“Yesss, Dear.  You’re ssso sssleepy now, Naru.  Y’all need ta go ta th’ store room an’ lie down on th’ futon.  Lie down and wait for me ta come an’ play.  Go relax now, Naru.”

“Yes,… Mother,… Ah… will… obey…,” the girl nodded, then turned and marched zombie like to the rear of the store.

“Uhn…” the boy gapped.

“It’s so nice ta have such an ah-bedient daughtah,” Mrs. Osaka commented pleasantly as she tucked the bob-watch away between her bosom.  Then she demanded, “now, young man.  What’s this about y’all hypnotisin’ mah little girl without asking mah permission ta play with mah toys?”

“Bawah?” Giro Umino pronounced.  The statement was not very intelligible, admittedly, but then his brain had sputtered to a standstill.

“Nevah mind, Darlin’,” she smiled knowingly.  “No harm done naw, is there?  W’all talk about that latah.  Anyway, fa naow, Ah suppose y’all are here ta buy mah special ordah jewellerah?”  She winked, winked again, and nudged the near comatose boy in the ribs.

“Well, I’m glad you’ve cleaned up the mess back there, but nothing strange has happened around here,” Ranma observed as she lapped up milk from her bowl.  Milk that Kasumi had provided for her kitties and which Mercury was pretty sure didn’t come out of a carton, nor a bottle.  “Well, uhm, not recently, anyway,” Ranma corrected as she suddenly realised that she crouched was on all fours with the pet bowl on the floor.  “Aside from… uh… stuff… you know…”  she waved vaguely as if to indicate her very alternative lifestyle.  “Things have gotten back to normal.  Mostly.”

“ShhShampoo!” Mousse cried in an oddly commanding voice.  Well, in a voice nearer to commanding than he’d ever managed before, anyway.  “You are feeling very very sleepy.  You are falling into a deep, deep trance.  You will obey my commands.  You will … you will… want to go on a date me!”

“Yes, Master,” replied a voice.  “I want to date you.”

Mousse froze in place, and was suddenly glomped.  “Ssshampoo?” he greeted with uncertainty.  “When did your voice get so oddly deep… and have you put on wieght…?” 

“Hirato?” another voice trempbled.  “What’s the meaning of this?”

“I don’t know why, but, but,… I suddenly want to date him!”

“How could you?  After fourty years, to cheat on me with a… a… boy!?”

“No, wait…” Mousse began to protest, but was suddenly swept up by something hard and round with sharp pointy bits, roughly in the shape of a large cat claw, then was launched into the air by the whippy pole to which it was attached.

“No!  Come back, my boy toy.  I must date with you!”

“Stupid Mousse!” the real Shampoo complained with a feral growl.  “Ranma say we no do yuoi in Café.  Only yuri is okay, okay!”

“So, uh, that’s a new weapon, isn’t it?” Sayuri observed as she came out of hiding.

“Is too, too nice, yes?” Shampoo agreed and admired her new polearm.  “Is getting good leverage for to take out trash!”

“So I saw,” Yuka agreed while peering out from under the table.  “Nice cat’s paw motif too.  It suits you, I think.”