| Furinkan High | Carnivorous Rabbits | Men in Black | |||||
| Kendo Club | Ranma | Akane | Ukyo | The Principal & Hawaiian Forces | |||
| Kuno Club | - | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Ranma | 0 | - | 0 | 0 | 12 | 95 | 0 |
| Akane | 2 | 0 | - | 0 | 12 | 77 | 0 |
| Ukyo | 0 | 0 | 0 | - | 2 | 31 | 0 |
| Principal etc | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 27 | 68 | 0 |
| C. Rabbits | 18 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 14 | - | 0 |
| MiB | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 4 | - |
The Wabbit’s eyes gleamed, and it sprang towards the Hunter – who also moved to the attack. Nabiki leaned over the parapet. “Sachiko, if you add me to the scoreboard I shall call in all your debts!”
A sparkle developed in the air.
It twisted and grew.
Then it faded.
“That wasn’t as smooth as usual, dear.”
“And there isn’t anything that looks like a dojo,” added the tallest figure, turning around.
“Curious,” remarked Theo. He raised his hands to begin a quick incantation.
“Scout a perimeter, guys, I’ll give top cover,” ordered Brianna. The Lazy-Boy of Doom (MkIIIb) rose precipitously, orientating to cover her family against attacks from up or down the street they stood on. She would have brought something heavier, but her mother had insisted it wasn’t necessary or advisable making the first visit to a potential friend. She’d only gotten away with the LBD because Brit had wanted something to carry the baby stuff. The Peeboscouts spread out, Peebrit blazing around in circles with Peebri staying closer to Peegi to cover the sensor-packed ‘scout.
Peebochu stayed in Stryyp’s arms, where Tiffany wanted it, and watched the little figure in her chubby hands. It was calculating how much it jumped, and extrapolating how far it would move for a lower voltage shock; just as soon as it woke up, and Tiffany put it down, the experiments would begin!
“Birdie!” SHAiir!
“Peebri! What have I told you about shooting birds?”
“Sowwieee.”
“Excuse me,” said Gina in fluent Japanese, “We’re looking for either the Tendo Dojo, or a Ranma Saotome. Can you give us directions?”
The shopkeeper nodded. He hadn’t made a bet with himself; it was obvious that such an odd group would be looking for someone at the Tendo dojo, with Ranma at the top of the list. “Well, the dojo is three blocks that way, then turn left one block and right about a block and a half, the dojo is on your right. Now, Ranma should be at school right now, that’s two blocks that way, turn right and it’s straight ahead of you. Furinkan High School.” He peered at the group a little closer, noting the obvious baby in the arms of the huge cat-lady, and warned, “There’s been a lot of noise from the school this morning; might be best not to take the little one there. And the Principal won’t like either of those two,” he finished, nodding at Brittany and Stryyp.
“Oh? Why?” asked the archaeologist/adventurer/scientist.
“All that hair,” explained the shopkeeper calmly, as though it was obvious.
“Oh,” replied Gina, who found it wasn’t. “Um, thank you.”
“Not a problem, young lady. Oh, if you’re going to the Tendo’s, could you tell Kasumi that I’ve got those daikon she wanted? My name is Akiba.”
“Um, sure...”
“Much obliged.”
“Ah. Well that explains why we didn’t arrive at the point I intended,” said Theo. The rest of the party (save Brianna, who was too high to hear) turned to listen.
“Well, dear?” asked Julia.
“Firstly, there is a very old chaos enchantment on the entire town. It seems to be centred in that direction,” he said, waving a hand. Gina noted that he was not gesturing towards either of the destinations the shopkeeper had suggested for her. “I would estimate that it was set about a century and a half ago; perhaps leftovers from the magical battles during the Meiji Restoration. “Second, there is an open dimensional gate almost on top of a permanent dimensional congruence in that direction.” He gestured towards the school. “Between them and a lot of magical and aura residues, those threw off my aim rather severely.”
A rumble sounded through the air.
“Hey!” shouted an excited Brianna, leaning over the side of the LBD. “There was a lot of explosions over there! Should I check them out?”
“Ah, that is the direction of the school,” inserted Gina. “Where this gentleman informs me Ranma ought to be, and Dad says the gate and dimensional congruence are.”
“I’m not taking Tiffany anywhere things are blowing up!” exclaimed Brit, holding her daughter close.
“Of course not,” said Julia. “I suggest you, Stryyp and Gina go to the Dojo and introduce yourselves, while the rest of us see if Ranma is in any trouble.”
“I ought to investigate the chaos enchantment and the permanent congruence in any case,” said Theo. “They aren’t mentioned in the Mage Council précis on this area.”
As the party of Amerikajin split up, the two cat-people and the one he spoke to heading towards the dojo with the baby and the older couple following the flying chair towards the school, Akiba Yusho could have sworn he heard a familiar voice say, “Free me this instance that I may defend the school against the foul sorcerer’s depredations!”
But he had to be mistaken. Whyever would an Amerikajin record such a foolish boy as a voice for a toy? Why, indeed, would anyone else?
Peebochu grumped. It had been very clearly told it wasn’t to shock the little doll when anyone was holding it.
Ranma watched his ‘uncute’ fiancée charge the wave of monkeys, and grumped. His clothes were tattered rags on the battlefield, but hers – oh, no. Not hers. She didn’t even have to worry about flashing everybody when she changed back, or about looking strange as a giant cheetah running around in a dress. Her clothes mutated as she changed, and were now a discrete collar around her neck.
He might have been a little less disgruntled had he been able to read the tag attached to her collar, which read ‘My name is Akane – if found, please return me to Saotome Ranma’. Bastet hadn’t told them everything that little pendant did, after all.
“Ok, Ranchan, go!”
Feeling his ‘cute’ fiancée grip his body between her thighs, he sprang from the wall in Akane’s wake and began clearing up the Wabbits that had been swept into the air by her passing. It was ‘like shooting fish in a barrel’, as that Amerikajin soldier had said of catching him and his father after they snuck onto that naval base, but he didn’t really feel like making it easy for this many opponents.
“Whee!” On his back, Ukyo freed her hands, and started providing Akane with covering fire, each small spatula taking out a lobster or Wabbit before it could threaten her sometimes-friend, sometimes-rival.
Ichiro stepped forward, calmly lighting the fuse and dropping a gluestick into the pit behind him through the red tape. His chief deputy snapped a hand forward, beaning a monkey between the eyes with a marker. “Ignore the distractions, and don’t follow up any retreats – they could be traps,” he ordered. “We’ll take the administrative offices first, then the staff room.”
“Sir, yes, sir!”
Behind them, the gluestick exploded among the crabs.
The Hunter crossed swords once again with his opponent. The Fly Fisher had cut the line, sacrificing the last few feet of his precious heavyweight line and quickly fastening another fly to the remains, and was even now retrieving yet more carcasses from the melee below, but the samurai Wabbit was a wily and skilled opponent. Only its small size and awkward reach had saved the Hunter so far, for the scimitar was not his preferred weapon.
He really wished they would turn off the CD player. He was a Star Wars fan, and the Trek musak was putting him off his groove.
The butcher turned from his work at a sound from the stairwell behind him. His eyes narrowed. He had long regarded the arrangement of the roof access points to be a major flaw of the school building design, although much of the rest of the structure fell far short of the standards normally achieved in Japanese architecture. There were elements that almost seemed to have been deliberately completely opposed to the precepts of Feng Shui!
Now, however, the flaws in the stairwells were of greatest concern, and his hands slipped stealthily to the cleaver he had set aside moments before.
Eyes glinted in the shadows.
| Furinkan High | Carnivorous Rabbits | Men in Black | |||||
| Kendo Club | Ranma | Akane | Ukyo | The Principal & Hawaiian Farces | |||
| Kuno Club | - | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 |
| Ranma | 0 | - | 0 | 0 | 17 | 111 | 0 |
| Akane | 2 | 0 | - | 0 | 16 | 99 | 0 |
| Ukyo | 0 | 0 | 0 | - | 14 | 59 | 0 |
| Principal etc | 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 29 | 74 | 0 |
| C. Rabbits | 18 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 21 | - | 0 |
| MiB | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 31 | 27 | - |
The lobster thanked its lucky starfish, and crawled into a pit with its cousins the Robber Crabs. Except it was very dizzy, and landed in one full of shaving cream instead.
“‘Tendo Dojo – Indiscriminate Grappling’. This is the place,” announced Gina. “Funny how many dojo there are around here.”
“What does that other sign say?” asked Stryyp as he rang the bell.
“‘To defeat owner in savage combat, please use other gate’,” replied Gina. “Doesn’t really have anything to do with us.”
“That’s right. We want to make friends, not have all-out battles with the owner,” said Brittany. “Don’t we, Tiffany? We want to be friends with Uncle Ranma, don’t we?”
“Yay!” squeaked the bundle of fur in her arms. “Unky Wanma!”
“Let’s hope your father’s translation spell works properly,” muttered Stryyp as he heard the door of the house inside the gate open.
Moments later, the gate opened, and he found himself looking at his wife in a housedress. “Hello, how... Oh my! You must be Brittany-san. Bastet-sama said you might be visiting.”
No, that wasn’t right, he thought, glancing over his shoulder to make sure his wife wasn’t somehow playing a trick on him. Sure enough, she and her sister were right behind him, gawking at the werecheetah in front of them.
“Do come inside. I am Tendo Kasumi; I’m afraid Ranma is at school now, but you must make yourselves at home until he comes back.” The host stepped aside, and Stryyp found himself stepping forward almost without conscious volition.
“Urrm... wha...”
“Oh, Ranma-kun bit me last night while I was measuring him for some new clothes,” said Kasumi with a friendly smile. “He bit my little sister as... Oh, my, and who’s this then?”
“Unky Wanma?”
“Oh, dear, I’m sorry, Ranma isn’t here. Would you like to come inside, and I can find some of my old toys for you to play with?”
“Pway!”
“Egads, the demon has infected even the pure Tendo Kasumi! Surely without my presence the entire ward shall become infested with his excrescences!”
“Peebo...” Whap! “Awww...”
“Um, h-hi. Yeah, I’m Brittany Diggers-Gia, and this is my daughter Tiffany.” It must be remembered that Brittany has never before seen another werecheetah, not counting Raphiel (technically a golem) and her mother’s shade as animated by Séance’s power. She was a little overwhelmed by meeting another female of her species, having only just accustomed herself to the idea of another male. “And this is my husband Stryyp, and my sister Gina.”
“Welcome to our home, all of you. Aunty! Could you set out some more plates, please, we have more guests! And I need to go up into the attic to get our old baby toys.”
“Of course, dear; who... oh, my! Oh, how darling!”
“Unky Wanma?” Tiffany had found exactly the right thing to say to make the Saotome matriarch her devoted advocate for life.
“Oh, no, I’m sorry. Ranma isn’t here. I’m Aunty Nodoka. What’s your name, little one?”
“Tiff’ny! Aunty Nodka!” Well, maybe there was something she could say to build on that.
The remainder of the Diggers family paused on the threshold of the school. This was principally due to the deep pit of white stuff immediately inside the gates, flanked by shallower pits occupied by aggressive crustaceans. Brianna hovered overhead, awaiting her parents’ movement before committing the LBD to the offensive and chafing at the delay.
“Those are Wabbits,” pronounced Julia grimly.
“Quite,” replied her husband. “And the open Gate is in that building with the large hole in the wall near the roof. However, I do not recognise either the crustaceans or the monkeys as any known magical species.”
“Hmp. Stupid mages should know by now not to mess with nature.” She blinked. “Is that Sabbo?”
“I, ah.” Theo peered through the smoke of battle. “I don’t think so. Come to think of it, I don’t think the ‘Hidden Emperor of Jade’ is quite insane enough to stand that close to a Wabbit.”
“Although the guard lobster seems to be dealing with it.” She sighed. “Regardless of whether the Saotome boy is at risk in here, I think we ought to deal with the Wabbits, at least.”
“I agree.”
Zoom zip “Whee!”
“Analysis complete. Pit contents are generic-product shaving cream. Pit is five feet wide.”
“I think he may be enjoying himself a bit too much. Brianna! Go for it!”
Overhead, Brianna had spotted the pair of werecheetahs (pair of werecheetahs? Had someone already gotten to the stud-muffin?), one of them with a rider sporting dirty-blonde hair, well before they made their run past her parents at the gate, and had nearly decided to drop in even before her father gave the go signal. She rolled the LBD and dropped into the firezone with all weapons pods blazing.
Well, except the one with the baby things in it. That just went ‘Sqeeee’ as air was forced past the rubber ducky.
Julia took a standing longjump onto solid ground and converted that into the beginning of a rough-field run across the checkerboard of pits towards a lone Wabbit. She was intent on a trick she had heard of, but never witnessed, and trampled anything in her way.
Theo floated casually over the shaving cream, his hands glowing. Wabbits, monkeys and lobsters roasted as he hurled fireballs into the fray, covering his wife’s back.
“Awright! Targets!” SHAiirSHAiir!
“Geronimo!” Peebrit vaulted the pit by sheer speed and swerved to catch up with the fastest thing in sight. She couldn’t help it; speed was just a built-in obsession. The Wabbits and lobsters in her path couldn’t help falling in the pits, either, except for the ones that got splatted straight up.
“Phooey,” grumped Peegi. “Wanton destruction. Hmp. Hey! You missed one!”
“Did not!” SHAiir!“See?”
The butcher circled his opponent. So far, neither had made a strike, but also neither had gained an advantageous position over the other. The butcher had prevented the Wabbit from passing him to the unprotected figures of Nabiki, the Fly Fisher, and the members of the Track Team on the roof with him; but the Wabbit had prevented him from closing the access hatch, thereby leaving the way open to more of the carnivorous rodents to gain the high ground.
More eyes glittered in the stairwell, and the butcher knew he was out of time. He took a deep breath, and crouched for a decisive attack. The Wabbit crouched, and raised its bill to receive him.
Shingy! “Down!”
The butcher threw himself at the rooftop.
Splutch. He looked up carefully.
Nabiki leaned over the parapet once again. “Sachiko, mark the rabbits down for two.”
“Two what, boss?”
“Rabbits.”
The butcher closed the access door and prepared to deal with the Wabbits: one neatly halved by his opponent’s bill, and the other skewered by the katana.
The Principal ordered another salvo, even as the sergeant-monkeys advised against it. The chemical-weapons cocoanuts soared skyward, and the monkeys made another charge at the embattled enemy.
This had to work! No enemy had ever broken the back of forces led by a Kuno!
And if it didn’t he would shave his own head rather than bow it to any mere hairdresser!
Ichiro marched toward the main doors, his objective now well within sight. The lobsters were few now, and the monkeys were making desperation attacks. Their shears were ineffective against clipboards at short range, and opened them to close-range attacks with the markers. Matsena, on the right flank, had drawn his ruler; each skilled stroke of that weapon drew the crack of breaking carapaces as he drove off the crabs trying to resist their advance.
The sproing of the palms sounded again, and he looked up. A thin smile passed across his face as he gauged the trajectories of the missiles.
Sure, enough, as he threw a bottle of correction fluid at a cluster of Monkeys trying to advance between crab pits, the cocoanuts delivered their payloads of shaving cream well behind the team of Schools Inspectors. They were inside the defence boundary!
Ranma met Akane by the gym. Both were splattered with shaving cream from the Principal’s last salvo, their flanks heaving from exertion, and both were grinning madly. The heirs of the Musabetsu Kakuto lived for conflict; this was just plain fun!
Ukyo was also breathing heavily. Her limited experience on horseback was serving her well so far, but she was the first-ever cavalryman to go to war mounted on a cheetah, and it was more than a little hair-raising.
A Whirr announced the arrival of another figure. This one shared their pale yellow colour, with spots, but was only half a metre long and, well, cute. “Gotcha!”
“Um, right. What are you, and where are you from?” asked Ukyo, since neither of her friends could speak at the moment.
“I’m Peebrit!” it announced. “And, well, you were running and I like running, so I ran after you...”
“Riiight,” said Ukyo. “I don’t suppose you have any idea what all this is about, do you,” she continued, waving a hand at the battlefield.
“Um, well, user-designate ‘Granma Julia’ identified the fluffy things as ‘Wabbits’, and ordered their destruction. And user-designate ‘Granpa Theo’ said there’s a dimensional gate in that building, and he ought to close it up. And that person in the grass skirt isn’t Sabbo, the Hidden Emperor of Jade. And User-designate ‘Brianna’ said ‘Attack!’.”
Ukyo watched as the tall gaijin man roasted an attack wave of the rabbit-things, and decided she was on his side – especially since he didn’t seem to be on the Principal’s side, as his next shot took out a pitfull of crabs. Akane watched the tall redheaded woman slice and dice with a long sword trailing a bloody streamer from the hilt, and decided she could do that – maybe if she asked for some lessons? Ranma flattened himself to the ground as the flying woman made another low pass straight over his head.
“Hey you guys! Not giving up are you?”
All three Nerimans looked up. “You know, that’s not a very sensible thing to say around these parts,” said Ukyo, in conversational tones loud enough for the flying woman to hear.
“Well, come on then! There’s plenty of targets to go ‘round!”
“Riiight…” Ukyo settled herself comfortably on Ranma’s back again. “Take out the Principal, Ranchan?”
“Regh!”
“Yay! Geronimo!”
And so the unlikely attack began, the tiny spotted robot leading the way as Ranma and his fiancées took on the frontal force of the Principal’s army, with air cover from a woman in a flying easy chair. It was, indeed, the Charge of the Lightspeed Brigade.
| Furinkan High | Carnivorous Rabbits | Outsiders | |||||||
| Kendo Club | Ranma | Akane | Ukyo | The Principal & Hawaiian Farces | Men in Black | Sword & Sorcery Couple | Science Woman | ||
| Kuno Club | - | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Ranma | 0 | - | 0 | 0 | 31 | 152 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Akane | 2 | 0 | - | 0 | 27 | 134 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Ukyo | 0 | 0 | 0 | - | 29 | 101 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| Principal etc | 4 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 38 | 98 | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| C. Rabbits | 20 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 41 | - | 0 | 0 | 0 |
| MiB | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 48 | 51 | - | 0 | 0 |
| S&S 2 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 31 | 55 | 0 | - | 0 |
| SciWoman | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 32 | 51 | 0 | 0 | - |
The Wabbit stuck to Ukyo’s battle spatula crossed its forelimbs and snarled ferociously. It had barely leapt aside from an exploding gluestick, and had resigned itself to the spatula; now it had an edge-side view of the attack on the Principal’s position.
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(Posted Fri, 11 Aug 2006 19:02)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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