An unkempt man in an unkempt black suit with an unkempt beard swung in from the bedroom window that Ranma just now noticed was broken (and on a very high story of a building). "Aw, freaking crap!" he said, seeing Fujiko completely naked. "No wonder you didn't just grab the loot she stole from us and scram." Dames are no good: Especially naked ones.
" "Stole"?" Ranma asked.
"She stole my heart, Jigen, and I gave it all to her as her wedding present," Lupin hurried to confuse the issue while smoothly lifting Fujiko/Ranma's left hand, and The Queen's Fortune ring on it.
"No, freaking, goddamn way!" Jigen might have said more, but Lupin's long-time partner-in-crime knew the unspoken signals. So you want me to go along with you, huh? But this is the goddamn, freaking bith-goddess herself! She's contracted hitmen to off you before, you freaking jerk. Aw, crap! He'll never learn about this no-good, greedy dame. ...And I can't win against her. If it comes down between her and me, guess who the lunatic genius chooses? {Sigh} If I'm going to be allowed to stay close to him so I can protect him from himself, I have to go along.
"That was quite a long pause; I'd say, "A penny for your thoughts", but that seemed to be quarter's in worth," Lupin joked.
"Naw, to you, the thought isn't worth even a penny. I know from experience. So, how long do you figure we have left before the security for this exclusive hotel for the stinking rich arrives?"
"That's right! I had to come in through the "alternative entrance" to get by the private fuzz. -Look, Fujiko, as much as I hate saying this, you have to get dressed." When he saw 'he' was hesitating, he asked again, "Ranma?"
"Well..."
"You don't want to be caught, too? You know, the non-law enforcers don't need to obey the Geneva Convention for the humane treatment of prisoners."
You mean she doesn't remember renting this place so she'd be guarded against people like Lupin and me?? Jigen thought.
"Okay. Gimme your boxers."
"Boxers!??" Jigen was so surprised his eyes came out from under his slouched hat.
"Now, now, Fujiko," Lupin led 'him' by the wedding ring hand (but wishing he dared touch something much more damn interesting) to the walk-in closet of the apartment suit. "It would show beneath your mini skirt; we can't have that fashion faux pas."
"I want pants."
"Pants??" Jigen was surprised again.
"See? Fujiko, people don't expect "you" to wear anything but dresses and skirts. Short ones that reveal your perfectly shaped gams that go from here to Forever... ." He forced himself to stop fantasizing; he knew "Ranma" was skittish enough "playing" a woman.
"I ain't wearin' no bras or panties."
"Who sees bras and panties? Honestly, all you need to wear to pass as my wife is a dress," he said as he gently sent her into the closet.
"Fujiko without a bra? Doesn't that vain dame worry about her whopping "treasure chest" sagging? And what's this "pass as my wife" jazz? Are you two cooking up a scam? Let me in on it."
"Shh!" Lupin said, pulling the ex-American, ex-hitman and greatest gunman in the world away from the closet. "The scam is to get Fujiko thinking she's married to me. But, you know, that might not be a bad angle on this caper we're currently working on."
"Okay, if you say so; what's my part in it?"
"Your part is to get to Goemon, first, and tell him that Fujiko has amnesia; though, more precisely, it's a case of traumatic split personality," Lupin said, qucik changing back into his color outfit, which included his current trademark, a red jacket.
"It couldn't happen to a nicer dame. This personality has got to be better than the original."
"Don't say that about my Fuji-cakes. I'm humoring her so that I can take her through familiar situations, until something triggers the return of her old self."
"If she's got friggin amnesia, I say we just bop her one on the noggin," Jugen said, motioning same with the handle of his magnum.
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(Posted Mon, 20 Nov 2006 11:10)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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