"Akane Tendo or the pig-tailed girl... Akane Tendo or the pig-tailed girl..."
Whoever knew Tatewaki Kuno normally also knew about this strange mantra he was regularly chanting whenever he was confronted with a difficult decision. Particularly, when he was going to say or offer something to one of his two 'loves'.
They also knew that he should better be left alone in such a state of mind.
Kuno's hands were trembling. "Oh, I simply cannot decide! I MUST INVITE THEM BOTH FOR A DATE! Sasuke! The bouquets!"
Unfortunately for Sasuke, little ninja retainer of the house Kuno, he had not such a freedom of choice... As his young masters servant, he had to endure all of his moods.
"Here they are, Master Kuno," Sasuke said and carried two massive bouquets of orchids alongside his master, as they were approaching the Tendo Dojo.
"I still do not know where the domicile of the pig-tailed girl is located..." the delusional kendoist muttered to himself. "Still, she seems to visit the home of the Tendos quite often. Hopefully, I can meet my two beauties at once..."
Before he reached the main entrance of the premises, he heard some strange noises coming from the other side of the wall that surrounded the Tendo's home.
Were that villain Saotome and his gluttonish father sparring again?
"You know, you're pretty fast, Ranko... I've never had this much fun when fighting Pops."
"Nrrrooowwlll... You're prretty good, too, big brotherrr..."
Kuno blinked. That had been... the voice of his pig-tailed goddess... and that of Saotome.
"I knew it!" he proclaimed. "All the time, I heard rumors that Saotome and my lovely pig-tailed girl were supposed to be the same person. But I see it now: Those were nothing but lies!"
He looked towards the wall, then down at the pavement and finally towards his small servant.
"Sasuke, I need a lift."
Sasuke sighed. "Of course, Master Kuno..."
While the ninja crouched down on the ground, Kuno climbed on his servant's back and looked over the wall.
In the backyard of the Tendo home, he could see that fiend Saotome and the pig-tailed girl, jumping and dashing around the premises, while exchanging blows and kicks.
But wait a minute... why was the pig-tailed girl so... furry?
"SAOTOME!" the offspring of the house Kuno shouted. "You vile sorcerer! I knew it all the time! What spell did you put on my lovely, pig-tailed beauty?"
Ranma and Ranko interrupted their sparring and looked over to where Kuno was climbing over the wall. ("Sasuke, stop wiggling around! - "I'm sorry, master Kuno...")
Ranko looked at her new brother's face. "Who is that boy? A frriend of yours, big brother?"
"More like a pest..." Ranma grumbled. "Yo, Kuno! Whaddya want now?"
Kuno came stumbling down the wall, landed on his head, but instantly jumped back to his feet. "Saotome! You fiend! How dare you transform my red-haired beauty into such a lowly beast? True, she is as fierce as a tigress... just like the beauteous Akane Tendo... but such mockery of her loveliness cannot be allowed. Remove your spell from her this instant, you cur!"
Ranma looked at Kuno, then at Ranko and back at Kuno. "Um... I think you might have misunderstood something here, Kuno..."
Kuno pointed his bokken at Ranma. "I understand pretty well: Finally, you show your true face. But your back arts won't save you this time, Saotome! Now the justice of heaven will descend upon you!"
He raised his weapon and charged at Ranma. "HAVE AT THEEEE..."
Ranma prepared himself to fend off Kuno's standard opening as usual... but before he got the chance, a reddish blur jumped in front of him and lunged at the bokken with feral swipes.
SLICE! SLICE!
Kuno could only stare as his weapon fell apart in countless pieces... reduced to splinters by the claws of the tiger-girl that stood in front of him.
"Grrrrr... you wanna hurt oniichan, you have to deal with me."
"Oh my pig-tailed goddess... has the vile sorcerer corrupted your mind? fear not, for my love will free you of his brainwashing."
And he attempted to glomp the tiger-girl with all his might.
POW!
Ranko's fist slammed right into the kendoist's chest, and the force propelled him backwards, until he heavily slammed into the wall.
"That... didn't hurt..." Kuno groaned weakly, before collapsing to the ground.
Ranma shook his head. "Kuno... whenever will you learn?"
----
"My imbecile brother..." Kodachi Kuno cussed while jumping from rooftop to rooftop, trailing her trademark ribbon behind her. "Where did he take the bouquets of love I've prepared for my Ranma-darling? If he is not careful, the capsules with the sleeping gas will break open, and then it's wasted."
She stopped for a while on someone's balcony. "But, even if he did, it shall not hinder me from conquering my Ranma-sama this time."
She clasped her hands and gushed in what she thought to be a romantic manner. "Wait for me, my Ranma... your Black Rose is coming!"
And then she started laughing (and every Nerimian with common sense fled and covered his ears): "OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOOO..."
"Hey, you!"
Kodachi stopped in mid-laugh and looked around. "What?"
"Down here!" the voice shouted. "You human upstart! How dare you impersonate my lovely voice like that? I and only I am the only one that is allowed to laugh in a regal manner like that. Stop it right now, you hag!"
Kodachi looked down... and saw something that looked like a furred version of herself, complete with muzzle and tail.
But that was something she only noticed secondarily. "Hag? HAG? What did you call me, you... you... you furred fiend! You bestial impersonator! This laugh is what marks me as a member of nobility. Hear my name and tremble in fear, beast! I am Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho..."
Leodachi grinned. "That's the best you can do? My laugh is much, much better than that. Truly, what is your lowly nobility against me, the QUEEN of the zoo? OH-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho..."
Kodachi snarled. She would show that fiend...
She took a deep breath and continued: "Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!"
"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!"
"OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HOOO!"
"OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HOOO!"
"OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!"
"OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!"
All around the two crazed, pony-tailed girls, the people of Nerima winced and squirmed in pain while having to endure the horrible laugh... It sounded even more horrible in stereo.
----
Ukymel ran along the streets of Nerima. "Michan, how could you leave me like this...? I NEED you! I need some water! Water! Water! NOW!"
In her panic, she couldn't think of anything better than just running into the next store to ask the proprietor for a glass of water.
And that store just happened to be 'Ucchan's'.
The camel-girl slammed the door open upon entering, making every single customer in the restaurant jump in surprise.
Ignoring the scared looks the customers were giving her, Ukymel stormed up to the counter where a young and cute waitress was taking care of business while her/his mistress was in the back of the restaurant, fetching something from the storage rooms.
Ukymel slammed some coins Michiru had given her down on the counter. "WATER! NOW! QUICK! LOTS OF IT!"
Konatsu gasped as he stared at the furred figure that looked so much like his mistress. "U-ukyo-sama?"
Ukymel growled as good as a camel could and grabbed Konatsu by the collar. "Didn't you hear me? I NEED WATER! YOU WANNA SEE ME DIE OF THIRST?"
"R-right away, Ukyo-sama..." the kunoichi muttered and grabbed an empty glass, filled it with water and put it in front of the thirsty camel-girl, who downed it with a mighty gulp.
She slammed the empty glass down on the counter. "MORE!"
Konatsu used his ninja speed and skills to quickly fill eight more glasses with water and offered them to Ukymel, all of it happening within several seconds.
Ukymel drank and drank and drank... until she had enough (for now).
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH..." She put down the last glass. "That was great... Sugar, you're a real live-saver, you know that?"
And before the confused kunoichi could react, she grabbed his collar again, pulled him close... and gave him a fierce kiss, right on the mouth.
The customers applauded upon witnessing that scene, and an elderly woman who was a regular customer of the restaurant, wiped a tear out of her eye's corner. "Aaah, finally Kuonji-san brought herself to show her affections towards Konatsu-chan... That is so sweet!"
Then she frowned. Although Kuonji-san's costume looked kinda weird... Oh well, perhaps it was just some strange fetish of hers. Who knew about the strange habits of teenagers?
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(Posted Sat, 23 Dec 2006 15:34)
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