As Cologne left to do some research (and to make sure that Mousse hadn’t let the Nekohanten go to hell in her absence), the five teenagers weren’t exactly encouraged by her theories, but at least they were a little better informed.
Not that it helped much. “This stinks,” Akane said.
“Ya got that right.”
“Why does stuff like this keep happening to you?”
“Don’t know.”
“And just as importantly, why am I always getting caught up in it?”
“Hey, it’s not like you’re the only one,” Ukyo reminded her friend/rival. “We’re mixed up in this, too.”
“Spatula Girl is right. Besides, not like Akane better choice for Ranma just because she always need to be rescued.”
“What?!”
“You heard Shampoo.”
“Why you—”
In the midst of this, Kodachi reminded the others of her presence with a loud, derisive sniff. This action immediately drew Akane’s attention.
“What was that for?”
“That,” Kodachi explained, “was for your utter lack of perspective on the matter.”
Shampoo groaned a little — yet another unfamiliar word. “Perspective? What Flower Girl mean by that?” She hoped that the irritated tone would be enough to cover the fact that she really wasn’t sure what Kodachi meant.
“While you peasants were busy moping, I was contemplating strategies through which Ranma-sama may shed this inconvenience, and I believe I have hit upon a notion that, while somewhat distasteful, may well prove to be the key to removing the links between him and the three of you.”
“And you,” Ukyo added.
Kodachi was clearly confused by this suggestion. “Why on earth would Ranma wish to be deprived of my commentary on the events of his life? I most certainly desire his.”
Ranma could hardly believe what Kodachi was saying, especially since he could tell through his link that she was being sincere. Ain’t she worried at all ’bout not havin’ no privacy?
| Why? We’ll be sharing our lives soon enough. Why should I be troubled at the notion of sharing our minds? Indeed, one could say it is Fate’s ultimate seal of approval upon our inevitable union. | Why would she care about her privacy? She certainly doesn’t care about other people’s, what with those ambushes of hers. | Oh, dear. I sincerely hope that that was just a rhetorical question rather than a direct query for my help; I’m still befuddled by Japanese notions of privacy myself. | Ugh. That reminds me: there’s no way any of us are going to have any chance of privacy now, is there? I really hope these things aren’t permanent — something like that would probably screw up our sex lives beyond all hope of recovery. I mean, I know that there’s going to be times when we’re together when he’s going to have to put effort into thinking about baseball, but I certainly don’t need to know what Sadaharu Oh’s slugging average is when we’re making love. And if he doesn’t pick me — no, I can’t think like that. But if he doesn’t… I really don’t want to listen in on Ranchan’s honeymoon unless I’m there. |
| Sharin’ our lives? Kodachi, I don’t even like you. Heck, I can’t even pretend ta like ya without someone else nudgin’ me along. | Akane winced upon hearing this snippet of Ranma’s conversation with Kodachi. He’s got to be referring to the White Lily incident. Why the hell did I ever convince him to date Kodachi that time? It probably just encouraged her. Of all the times for Ranma to decide that it was worth his while to listen to what I had to say, why did it have to be then? | Someone else nudging him along? Who on earth could possibly be foolish enough to advise Airen to encourage this madwoman’s delusions? Hmmm… perhaps his mother. She does have decidedly odd ideas about appropriate courtship behavior — but surely even she could see the folly of something like this. | |
| Don’t be silly, dearest; of course you love me. You simply have yet to realize this, due to the distractions of your lesser suitors and the interference of the redheaded harridan. | Speaking of sex, what’s going to happen if I start sensing Ranma’s attraction to girls? Could… could I become attracted to them as a result? Ukyo shuddered briefly and tried to dismiss the notion from her mind. | ||
| “Redheaded harridan?” Um, about that — uh, well…. | Akane sighed to herself. We might as well get this over with. I just hope she doesn’t go ballistic if we can get her to accept reality. | Oh… that’s right. This blueblood has yet to realize that Airen’s two forms are not separate people, much like her thick-skulled stick-wielding kin. | What? Ranchan’s decided to try explaining his curse to her again? I can’t say I blame him — and with these links, it might actually work this time. |
Kodachi, however, didn’t give them a chance to explain anything, as she had just found the perfect segue into the point that she’d wanted to make. “I think it might be worthwhile to seek out the assistance of the redheaded harridan. Surely, a mage as powerful as she is aware of some way to counteract this genie’s blunder. Granted, it may take some convincing to get her to do something so noble, but fortunately, the Kuno family has a long tradition of impeccable negotiating skills which I may call to bear upon the situation.”
Ranma didn’t think this idea had merit, for reasons that should have been obvious to anyone, telepath or otherwise. “Um, Kodachi, I ain’t too sure that’s a good idea….”
But if Kodachi was listening to Ranma’s interior monologue, she apparently wasn’t paying attention to the most pertinent information, because her reaction was as blasé as ever. “Perhaps you’re right… if there’s one thing that’s been proven time and again, it’s that she can’t be trusted — no doubt the harridan would use this as a pretense for some rite that would ensnare you within her clutches. In fact, upon further consideration, I would not be surprised to learn that she had something to do with this genie business….”
Yes, that must be it! It was she who used her wiles to put my Ranma-sama in this situation! This can not go unpunished — I shall destroy her! Oh ho ho ho ho ho!
Kodachi’s laugh was disturbing enough when it was audible, but unvoiced, it was downright creepy. Ranma put that aside — he had other things to worry about. “Look, Kodachi, I think ya really oughta consider givin’ this whole ‘redheaded harridan’ thing a rest….”
Kodachi preemptively dismissed his objections with a wave of her hand. “Yes, yes, I know that you’re willing to make all manner of excuses for her. Fear not, for I do not hold you accountable for actions you’ve taken in the past while under the effects of her witchery. As I said, one way or another, I shall see to it that she never hearkens upon your doorstep again.”
“Uh…”
“She make Redhead Girl go bai-bai,” Shampoo explained.
“Oh…” Well, if I’m honest, I guess it would be nice ta be rid of her—
Kodachi’s mouth turned upward into a grin; Vindication at last!
—but with my luck, Kodachi probably thinks that the only way ta do that is ta kill her.
Kodachi sighed. “Please, be reasonable, Ranma-sama. Do you really think me so foolish as to not reserve lethal force as a final option, when all other possibilities were exhausted?”
“Considering that you’re willing to use lethal force in a Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics competition, I’d say that’s a ‘yes,’” Akane interjected.
“Oh ho ho ho ho ho! That, my dear Akane, is highly unlikely to ever occur — the rules of Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics clearly state that killing one’s opponent in the course of an official competition results in an immediate disqualification and forfeiture of any titles one may currently hold.”
“Is that why you only try to kill your opponents before your matches?”
“I never kill — I only incapacitate. But we are getting off the subject; to return to Ranma-sama’s point, I am willing to use lethal force in the harridan’s case, because she is an extreme example. Once I have dispatched her, Ranma will be free to run to my arms.”
“More like he’ll be in a decorative urn.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“If you kill the redhead, you’ll kill Ranma.”
“I don’t understand; has she somehow linked his life to hers?”
Akane’s patience was at its limit. She slammed her hands on the table and shouted, “No, you idiot; they’re the same person!”
This was a bit much for Kodachi to accept. “My dear, have you perchance been sampling some of your own cuisine?”
It’s true.
“W-What?”
The redhead and I are the same person. We’ve always been the same person.
“Heh-heh… what do you mean, Ranma-sama… is that…. That’s some sort of poetic image, correct? There’s no way you and she could possibly—”
“Ucchan?”
“Way ahead of you, Ranma,” said the chef as she returned to the table with a glass of water. “Here you are.”
“Thanks.” Ranma turned to Kodachi. “Listen, Kodachi, you don’t got any choice in the matter. I’ve tried ta tell ya this before, but it ain’t done no good up ta now. Well, this is yer last chance, as far as I’m concerned. Ya either accept what yer about ta see, or I’m gettin’ a restrainin’ order, ’cuz I don’t want ya botherin’ me or anyone else over this.”
“What do you mean? What am I about to see?”
“Just keep payin’ attention ta the link while it happens. If that don’t convince ya, nuthin’ will.” Ranma lifted the glass and emptied the contents over her head.
As the transformation occurred, Kodachi was stunned for a second… but only a second. She then lunged towards the redheaded girl on the opposite side of the table, only to be restrained by Ukyo and Shampoo. “You… you fiend! Villainess! What have you done to my Ranma-sama?!”
First of all, I ain’t never been your Ranma-sama. Second, I ain’t done nuthin’ I haven’t done hundreds of times before.
What? Ranma-sama? You’re here? Where are you?
I’m sittin’ across the table from ya.
What do you mean? There’s no one sitting there but the redheaded harridan.
Exactly.
What? You’re claiming that you… and she… Just what are you saying, Ranma?
I’m sayin’ ya should just chill out for a minute or two… I got some memories I wanna share with ya.
Ranma had related the events leading to his curse many times before, but never in such a detailed way. He simply recalled everything he could: the way Jusenkyo looked, the noises in its ambiance, the smell of the fresh mountain air. He recalled the surprise upon seeing his father transformed into a panda, the feel of the water as he fell into the Nyannichuan, and the utterly indescribable sensation of feeling the form of his body shift. The shock of looking at his reflection, and seeing a busty redhead stare back. The high-pitched, throat-shredding scream that followed. The confusion. The self-doubt. The shame.
Using the telepathic link, Ranma transmitted all that and more — in less than one minute. When she stopped, she noticed something odd coming from the minds of all four suitors: silence. Well, it wasn’t really silence: there was still the subtle murmur as their minds tried to process everything they had learned, but there wasn’t any immediate, distinct reaction to the memories.
| My god… is… was that what it was really like? And to think I’ve accused him of enjoying his curse…. | Holy shit. That… is insane. I know I’m supposed to be able to read his mind, but I never thought it would come through so… so clearly…. | I always thought my own curse gave me adequate insight on his mind, but I never stopped to think about it like this before. I had some idea of what would happen when I received my own, but for Ranma… | What am I to make of this? Clearly, Ranma-sama believes that he is indeed the redheaded harridan… and… and these memories are clearly his… and they must be coming from that girl sitting across from me… which would make her… But that cannot be! |
Kodachi couldn’t even verbalize her conclusion in her head, so anathema it was to her. They can not be one and the same… unless… of course! A look of understanding suddenly came to her face. “Of course! It all makes sense now!”
Ranma, who had already seen the gymnast’s epiphany in its entirety, winced and put her head in her hands. So close…
“What makes sense?” asked Akane, who sincerely doubted that Kodachi had made any sort of breakthrough at all.
“This situation. Clearly, it is the doing of the redheaded harridan!” The other teenagers groaned — so much for progress.
“Kodachi….”
“Allow me to explain. I accept that this redheaded girl before me is indeed my darling Ranma-sama — the evidence precludes any other interpretation. Yet the fact the this form bears is a duplicate of my greatest nemesis must be accounted for. Thus, I conclude that this is yet another of the harridan’s dastardly tricks; she has caused him to take her form so that when I sought to mete out justice upon her, I would erroneously attack my beloved instead, accomplishing the double purpose of allowing her to escape her richly earned fate while driving him away from me, and into her arms.”
“Kodachi, if the harridan caused my curse, how d’ya explain my memories of Jusenkyo?”
“Obviously, that horrible woman addled your mind and implanted them there. But that is but a trifling matter… now the trouble will be figuring out how to tell the difference between my beloved’s cursed form and the harridan herself….”
“Kodachi, please, just listen—”
Ukyo, however, stepped in with a bit of practical wisdom: “Ranchan, just let it go. This is probably about as close to acceptance as you’re going to get. Trust me, you should quit now while you’re ahead.”
“Shampoo agree.”
Akane voiced similar opinions as well. “As much as I’d like an excuse to smash that loony into mush, I’m going to have to second their opinions. At least now she won’t be attacking your girlform as much.”
“Yeah… I guess yer right.”
See other episodes by Kwakerjak
(Posted Thu, 18 Jan 2007 09:22)
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