Tatewaki Kuno had faced many dilemmas in his relatively brief life, ranging from relatively simple ones such as the reason that Akane seemed to continually spurn his advances (she was playing hard to get, obviously) to the mind-numbingly difficult question of selecting a proper moniker by which his greatness might be remembered for posterity (his current selection, “Blue Thunder,” seemed to be working out nicely in this regard). However, these conundrums were as nothing compared to the one he currently faced, which was gaining the respect of Ranma Saotome, uncle to Akane and brother to Ranko Tendo, as well as his other sibling, whose name he had yet to discover (though trifling details like that had never worried the scion of the Kuno clan before). Ordinarily, he would never have dreamed of attempting to gain the respect of one so unrefined in manner as Ranma, but the past few days had made it quite clear that wooing either Akane or the younger of his sisters would be out of the question for one who did not meet up to his standards.
Ordinarily, this would not have posed a problem for the Rising Star of the High School Kendo World™, but then, Saotome had made it perfectly clear that he was far from ordinary; whatever he may have lacked in social graces (which was quite a bit), he was a supremely talented martial artist who had easily bested him in both of their meetings. Indeed, Kuno had seriously considered giving up on his loves at that point… for about three seconds (after which he rebuked himself and had his staff serve him imitation caviar [as opposed to the real stuff] at dinner that night as penance for allowing his famed iron resolve to waver). No, instead of accepting failure as a lesser men would have, Kuno decided to “think outside the crate” (or however that cliché went), and his results looked quite promising.
If he could not demonstrate his worthiness in single combat, then perhaps there were other ways to gain Ranma’s respect, which was the impetus behind his grand idea to have the young martial artist begin a romantic liaison with his sister. Yes, by igniting the fires of love between Kodachi and Ranma, surely he would be afforded multiple opportunities to demonstrate his worthiness to his future brother/uncle-in-law beyond any possible doubt, and as a bonus, his twisted sister might refrain from her tendency towards obnoxiousness once Ranma had restored her to her proper sensibilities. (Kuno’s motives certainly did not include any desire to spend time around Ranma simply for its own sake. Nope. Not at all.)
But while there could be no doubt that this overall plan was quite solid, there were still a few definite kinks that needed to be worked out. First of all, he had to get his sister to go along with it, and Kodachi generally reacted to his many wise suggestions about how she might better her life with an aggravatingly indecorous hostility. Thus, to simply walk up to Kodachi and recommend that she pursue Ranma would likely as not result in a failure so abysmal that it could destroy any chances of a future relationship between the two, as well as any future relationships between Tatewaki and Ranma’s female relatives.
But with the direct approach thus disqualified as a viable option, Kuno was at a loss for a way to spark a romantic relationship between the two. He paced his room, attempting to come up with a strategy, talking to himself as he did so. “Hmm… how does one fall in love? From my personal experience, I know ’tis possible to enter into the deepest and most sincere of loves upon an initial encounter, for that is how I began to love both Akane and her aunt, and they me, but I know not whether I may safely employ such a stratagem in this case. Alas, for all of their positive qualities, neither Ranma nor my sister strike me as the type with whom one might fall in love at first sight; Ranma is unrefined, Kodachi eccentric. And yet…” Kuno paused to collect his thoughts. “And yet, it is equally true that a taste for the unrefined may be cultivated over time. After all, amongst collectors of gems, there are many who prefer the natural beauty of uncut stones — who is to say that my sister may not also be brought to view one such as Ranma in a similar light? In a similar vein, one may grow to appreciate the eccentric, if works of contemporary art serve as evidence; verily, the exorbitant amounts of money for which such odd images and sculptures sell amongst the upper classes must indicate that eccentricity alone does not necessarily detract from desirability. But how to cultivate such tastes for the unusual in one so clearly ‘down-to-earth’ as Ranma? For that matter, how to show Kodachi the potential for joy in the unpolished?”
This enigma continued to tax the kendoist’s brain for several minutes, until he had a sudden epiphany: “Of course! Context! An uncut gem may be beautiful in a display case at a museum of natural science, but it is hardly fit for a lady’s finger. One displays an Andy Warhol silkscreen with a Roy Lichtenstein painting, not a woodcut by Hokusai. Why, seen in the proper context, the appeal of any object can be made self-evident. Therefore, if I can ensure that the initial meeting between Ranma and my sister is in a proper light, love will most assuredly blossom! I am a genius!” Indeed, Kuno was quite proud of himself for coming to this conclusion, until he realized that there was one aspect of his otherwise foolproof plan that he had yet to consider: “How on earth am I supposed to do that?”
Back at the Tendo home, Genma’s family had taken it upon themselves to get to the bottom of his unusual actions. Once the Saotome patriarch had explained as much of the situation as he was willing to make public (which wasn’t nearly enough in the opinion of the other people in the room), Ranma began the interrogation by summarizing his father’s statement. “So, lemme see if I got this straight. Yer sayin’ that we can’t go home an’ live with Mom, an’ instead gotta keep moochin’ offa Ranko’s hospitality.”
Genma had to resist the urge to groan — why did the boy always have to state things in their worst possible light? “I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘mooching,’ but yes, essentially, that is the case.”
“An’ ya say that the reason for this, is ’cuz of some sorta meetin’ that ya set up here with somebody.”
“Correct.”
“An’ finally, ya’ve made it clear that ya ain’t gonna tell me—”
“Because it doesn’t concern you.”
“Ya know, a month ago, I mighta accepted that, but in the past coupla days it’s kinda become obvious that a lotta things that ‘don’t concern me’ are things that I shoulda known about a long time ago.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
At this point Ranko decided to jump into the conversation. “Well, for starters, there was the marriage agreement.”
“Which you and Soun already fulfilled, rendering it irrelevant.”
“That didn’t exactly stop you from trying to marry him off to one of us when you first got here,” Nabiki pointed out to her step-grandfather. “All in the name of this ‘irrelevant’ agreement.”
“Ah, yes, well, you see….”
“Also, you didn’t mention that he had that seppuku pledge hanging over his head,” Ranko continued.
“I didn’t want him to worry himself sick over it.”
“Because it would distract from his training, or because you decided that men weren’t allowed to worry about things?” Nodoka asked with her eyes in a slight squint. The more she listened to her husband’s description of “manliness,” the more amazed she was that her son had any sort of emotional maturity at all. Granted, Genma was being rather tight-lipped about his parenting philosophy, but so far, it seemed that the only emotion which he approved of in his son was anger, and even then only when that anger could be channeled into some sort of destructive martial arts technique.
Speaking of which, Ranma looked like he was on the verge of performing such a technique right now. “Ya see? Ya never want me ta know about anythin’ that could drastically change my life, which is why I say the odds’re pretty good that this ‘business’ of yours is gonna involve me directly.”
“Besides, if it didn’t, then you wouldn’t be insisting that Ranma stay here too,” Akane joined in. “Whatever this is, you’re trying to make sure that he’s here when it happens.”
Kasumi, for her part, was becoming just as irritated with Genma’s refusal to provide information as the other persons in the room, but she chose to express that irritation in the form of an “innocent” and extremely politely worded inquiry: “I’m still not entirely certain why Grandfather feels it necessary to hold the meeting here. It isn’t as though Grandmother’s home is any more difficult to find than ours is.”
Genma was getting a bit more panicky now. He felt that he had to respond to this; he could hardly dismiss Kasumi’s observation, as her tone had conveyed no hostility whatsoever (which, incidentally, is exactly the conclusion Kasumi had hoped he would draw). “Well, you see, Kasumi, this particular issue… well, its resolution is a bit overdue, and I really don’t want to inconvenience this person any more than necessary.”
“In other words,” Ranma translated, “Pops here has a good reason ta think that somebody’s real pissed off at him right now, and he don’t wanna risk makin’ things worse by not bein’ here when they show up.”
“Is this really necessary?” Genma asked, almost whining now.
“If you wish to stay in my home, it is,” Soun responded apologetically. In truth, he didn’t think that they needed to be so hard on his best friend and father-in-law, but Ranko was clearly determined to get this information, and he generally preferred to avoid getting on his wife’s bad side unless it was absolutely necessary.
“So, Pops,” Ranma said, “what’s really goin’ on?”
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(Posted Sun, 04 Mar 2007 05:21)
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