Realms of Fantasy: Dungeon Master [Episode 186565]

Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled in from the sun...

Crept into the crib and found the baby's bun...

Baby kept a cryin' 'till Mama's work was done...

And the Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled back out in the sun....

Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled into the mama's bed...

Crawled up on her hubby and bit him in the head...

Mama lay there sleepin' while hubby lay there dead...

And the Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled out of mama's bed....

Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled in the mama's shoe...

Mama was poor lonely, didn't know what to do...

She tried to go for help but her foot was turnin' blue...

And the Itsy Bitsy Spider crawled out of mama's shoe....

Save for Ranma and Ranko, the prisoners were feeling quite queasy from hearing what Linlin and Ranran were singing.  As the group walked down the dark hallways, the two young Drow had gotten bored of the silence and started their two-voice song with childish glee.  The lyrics, which they were slowly and carefully pronouncing in the Common tongue, were anything but childish, however.

“I wish they had kept to Drowish...” Akane grumbled.

“They’re doing this on purpose.” Nabiki flatly commented.

“Yeah, don’t let them rile you up, Akane.” Ukyō added.

Behind them, the old matriarch Cologne smirked.  If this little lullaby was enough to work up the pale-faced ones, just wait for them to get into the torture chambers.  Those foolish foreigners would no doubt sing their own song in no time.  And once they have admitted to be spies for their enemies, they’d be dealt with harshly.

The guards then opened a pair of large doors leading to a creepy place, with shackles hanging from the walls, racks, braziers, torture tool sheds, a catapelta, an iron maiden, and other instruments of sinister purpose.

“MORNING!  I hope everyone did sleep uneasily.  Welcome to our terrifying torture chamber.  I’m so pleased you dropped by.  We’ll have so much fun together!”

The five nude prisoners sweatdropped.  Standing before them, in the otherwise dreary place, was a rather tall and muscular female Drow wearing hugging leather clothes.  What was unusual, though, was the large smile and rather... chirpy? attitude of the woman, who was waving excitedly at them.

Cologne almost facefaulted.  ‘Oh no... not HER!  Damn, how could I have forgotten about who was demoted to work in the torture chamber?...’

Shampoo facepalmed.

“I am Yocchi, and I’ll be your host during your visit.  Is this your first time in a torture chamber of the Dark Elves?”

Akane, a bit taken aback by all this, timidly nodded, while Nabiki and Ukyō remained stoic.

Ranko, on the other hand, just harrumphed.  “Pffft... you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”

Ranma blinked, before shrugging, and asked “Hu... can’t we have something to eat first?  Yah can’t properly torture people that are about to faint from hunger, yah know....”

“SILENCE!” Cologne finally roared.  “Yocchi, you’re not here to make idle talk with the prisoners!  Begin the questioning already.”

“Yes, Matriarch!” the Drow torturer cheerfully answered.  “Which one will be first?” she then asked, eyes glistening, looking like as if she was expecting someone to volunteer.

“Interrogate the male first...” Cologne ordered.

Shampoo, which had been busy ogling Ranma, snapped back to reality. “What?  No!  “Great-grandmother....” she protested.

“I said, the male first.” Cologne repeated, adamant.  “Don’t worry about your latest Drowboy, Shampoo.  I’m sure he’ll start talking before getting too damaged....”

Shampoo crossed her arms and started pouting.

“Drowboy?” Akane whispered.  “Why does that sound... sexist?”

“Because it is, I guess...” Nabiki murmured back.

Obeying, the tall Yocchi grabbed Ranma and pushed him toward a horizontal shack.  The male Drow was a bit surprised by her strength, and found himself lying on his back in no time.  Most unnerving was the fact she was smiling all the time.  Then, Yocchi manacled his arms and legs while humming a happy tune (and occasionally blushing when she glanced at his naked black body).

“All right...” Cologne said, regained her firm composure.  “Now, lowly male, you’d better talk and tell us everything about your spying mission on our territory, and who is sending you!”

Ranma glanced at the shriveled old matron and shrugged.  “What about... ‘no’?”

Twitching, Cologne turned toward the females of the party.  “Maybe one of you will be willing to spare your accomplice some serious injury...?” she trailed off, directing an intense gaze at the four nude women.  Akane squirmed uncomfortably; Ukyō just returned the glare with equal venom; Nabiki looked distracted; Ranko sighed lengthily, as if bored.

“Very well, since it’s your choice... Yocchi, start the interrogation!”

“I can, I can?  Yes!” the tall Drow exulted, jumping in joy.  She turned toward Ranma, picking up a glowing-red hot iron from a brazier.  “If you don’t mind, we’ll start with the burning iron...” she told him.

Ranma barely winced when the incandescent metal was applied against his thigh.  The pain didn’t bother him much, but the smell, similar to roast pork, on the other hand, was cruelly reminding him how hungry he was.

Ranko watched with unsettling detachment as her brother was being tormented.  “Sheesh, you hick Drow from the countryside are really backward... you don’t know a thing about proper, modern torture, do you?...”

Cologne frowned.  “Shut up!”

“No, really, you should travel to the big cities from times to times... you would learn a lot about how it’s done seriously by the professionals....”

Cologne’s eyebrow twitched.  “I said, SHUT UP!”

Ranran blinked, and asked her sister in a hushed tone, “I thought they were supposed to talk...?”

This earned her a bop on top of the head, courtesy of Shampoo, to silence her.

Yocchi could see she wasn’t going anywhere, as Ranma really didn’t look impressed.  But this wouldn’t weaken her unshakable enthusiasm for the job.

“After the burning iron, the whip!” she commented, producing a wicked-looking leather lash.

While Ranma’s front was thoroughly whipped, his expression of boredom didn’t abate.  “You call this torture?  My mom would call it foreplay....”

“I’m going to be sick....” Akane squeaked.

“Courage, Akane!” Ukyō hissed.  “Don’t let those monsters’ cruelty get to you!”

“Actually,” Nabiki corrected, “I think she was rather referring to the mother comment....”

Meanwhile, Yocchi looked somewhat more worked up, with her long white hair tussled and in disarray.  Panting, she discarded the whip and took a nasty-looking tool from one shelve.  “And next, the pincers!” she announced triumphantly.

“Ah, could you scratch my nose for me?” Ranma politely asked.  “I can’t do it myself with my arms shackled like that....”

Cologne bristled.  “He’s a tougher shell to crack than I would have thought....” she reluctantly admitted.

“No kidding?” Ranko offhandedly mocked.  “Honestly, compared to the average training regimen that our father put him through, your little games are just child play.”

Yocchi dropped her pincers in disgust.  Although she had inflicted plenty painful gashes on Ranma’s skin, the male Drow was still feigning indifference.

“And we’ll follow with... the IRON SPIKES!”

Ranma did raise an eyebrow when Yocchi started treating him like a pincushion, piercing the flesh of his arms, flank and legs with the spikes.  “Don’t take it wrong, but... do you mind if I take a nap while you’re torturing me?”

Yocchi stopped her gruesome work.  Looking straight at Ranma, her eyes began to tremble and to fill up with tears.  Clenching her fist under her chin, she finally turned around and...

“BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHh!!!”

... bawled out loudly, before running away from the shack.  She hugged the first person she could find to cry on her shoulder... which happened to be a rather astonished Shampoo.

“WHHHAAAAA!!!  I DO MY BEST AND HE’S... HE’S... BEING MEAN TO ME!!!”

“There... there...” Shampoo said in reflex, patting Yocchi’s back, awkwardly trying to comfort the taller Drow.

Cologne fumed in rage, glaring daggers at the incompetent torturer.  “Shampoo...” she hissed in a glacial tone of voice, “can you remind me why I didn’t have her executed already...?”

Shampoo sighed lengthily, Yocchi still clinging to her.  “Maybe because she is fully regenerating... and nigh-impossible to kill?  And furthermore, she enjoys it...?”

“Ah, yes... I knew there was a good reason.”

Shampoo managed, at least, to unclamp the strong Drow girl from her and to shake her a bit.  “Come on, Yocchi, get a grip on yourself.  A proud Drow warrior doesn’t fall apart like this!  Do you want everybody to say you’re a failure again?  You can do this!”

Yocchi nodded, timidly at first; then she wiped her tears and stilled herself.  “You’re right, Captain!  I can do it... I haven’t yet tried half the tools of the trade.  I can make that nasty foreigner male spill his guts!  And I’ll spill them myself if he doesn’t!  YES!!”

Even for Ukyō, Nabiki and Akane (who couldn’t understand the Drow tongue), the meaning of the exchange was rather obvious, especially when Yocchi started taking silly poses to psyche herself up.

“That’s weird... I feel like encouraging her....” Akane mumbled.

This earned her a dirty stare from Ranko.  “Do you mind?  That’s my brother she’s planning to gut like a rothé calf!”

“I know, I know...” Akane replied.  “It’s just that she looks so... nice.” she added sheepishly.

Yocchi, now back to her confident self, moved back to Ranma.  Pulling on a rope dangling from the ceiling, she lowered a small cage above the prisoner.

“Now, please tell us everything you know, and fast... or else, you’ll be very, very sorry.”

Ranma blink-blinked.  Yocchi’s “menacing” tone was so sweet that she had no hope of frightening even a child.  What made her think he would speak now, when he endured her previous attempts?

The cage opened and two large, hairy spiders, bigger than a human hand, landed on his torso.

Akane screamed shrilly.  Nabiki and Ukyō blanched.  Ranko, however stayed impassive.

Ranma fixed the two ugly arachnids crawling on his unprotected chest.  He seemed quite fascinated by them, and... drooling.

Ranko glanced at Yocchi, who just skipped back next to her and was excitedly hopping while watching her spiders “torment” the captive.

“Those are Dementia tarantula, right?” the red-haired Drow asked.

“Yes!” Yocchi proudly answered.

“Whose bite is said to cause such pain that the victims usually become insane and end up killing themselves to make it stop?”

“Yes!” Yocchi gleefully confirmed.

“And believe me, it is no rumor.” Cologne added to the conversation.  “I’ve seen the effects of their venom.  Once bitten, your brother is going to beg us to end his suffering!  You’d better spare him that by talking right now.”

“Oh, I know perfectly what these spiders can do, no need for a biology lesson.”  Despite her words, Ranko wasn’t looking the least bit worried for her twin.  “It’s just too bad that Ranma is completely inured against this venom since he is a kid.”

This earned her the full attention of every Drow in the room, their heads turning suddenly.  Yocchi, Shampoo and Cologne stopped watching Ranma to face the redhead, staring at her as if she’d gone mad.

“B-but-but... that’s not even possible!” Yocchi stammered.

“Nobody can build a tolerance to this poison!” Cologne argued.  “The smallest dose would bring indescribable pain!  Who would ever subject a child to such an ordeal?!”

“What can I say?” Ranko shrugged.  “I told you... our father was VERY serious about making Ranma into a survivalist.  And you can bet that after such training, your little torture séance is a joke... just good to tickle him, at best.”

“Oh no... oh no... that’s not fair....” Yocchi protested, tears welling up again in her eyes.  Distraught, she turned again toward Ranma.... and shrieked in horror!

While they were discussing, Ranma had managed to free one hand from the manacle, and to seize an iron spike... which he’d used to impale both spiders.  And now, he was grilling them above a nearby brazier.

“KIKI!  MIMETTE!  YOU KILLED KIKI AND MIMETTE!!” Yocchi yelled.

“Hey, your fault.” Ranma retorted.  “You’re the one who hadn’t given us any food since you jailed us yesterday.  I’m starving.”

This said, he brought the two curled, smoking arachnids close to his mouth, and bit off a leg.  The crispy appendage crunched under his teeth.  “Hmmm... need a little bit more.” Ranma concluded, before resuming the impromptu cooking.

“WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!  HE’S SO MEEEEEAAAAANNN!!!” Yocchi cried, once again bawling her eyes out on Shampoo’s shoulder (who looked a tad bit annoyed).

“I’m definitely going to be sick....” Akane bemoaned, holding her tied hands before her mouth.

“See the bright side of it, Akane-chan... Ranma is getting something to eat... and he killed our appetite.” Nabiki deadpanned.

“ENOUGH WITH THE BLOODY SILLINESS!!!” Cologne finally exploded.