“It was then that I realised the true horror of Jusenkyo!” interrupted Genma, fresh from the furo. “My son was transformed into a beastly parody of a woman, with fur and a snout. He was so unnerved he ran away to hide in the bushes!”
“So I was a bit shaken up! You weren’t much better, chasing after me!”
“I had to make sure you didn’t harm anyone in your madness!”
“Oh really. I suppose you have an excuse for trying to push me into all those other pools, as well?”
“One of them might have cured you!”
Ranma covered her face with a hand and groaned. “Yer a moron, Pops.”
“Well, you obviously turned back somehow,” began Tendo’s middle daughter.
“Yes!” said Genma. “After I caught my son and returned to the guide’s hut,” he continued, ignoring Ranma’s interjection of ‘daughter’, “he showed us how hot water would reverse the curses, at least until we were splashed with cold water again. However, when we tried it on Ranma, a fresh horror was revealed!”
The three Tendo sisters noticed their younger guest granted her father a surprised and disbelieving look at this proclamation. Their own father was already showing signs of his normal (over)reaction to bad news; he had obviously already been told this tale of woe.
“When Ranma was dowsed with hot water, only the second curse was removed, and my poor son was left stuck in this feeble girl’s body!”
“Of course the hot water only reversed the fox curse!” yelled Ranma. “I’ve had this body since I was born!”
“Hah!” retorted the elder Saotome in the tones of one producing irrefutable evidence. “Your birth certificate says you are a boy!”
“Only because you scribbled out ‘female’ and wrote in ‘boy’ yourself,” replied Ranma. “You didn’t even use the same colour ink as the registrar!”
“I did not!” asserted Genma, producing a sheet of paper. “See?”
Soun’s middle daughter snagged the form and inspected it. After a moment, she judged thoughtfully, “I don’t think they would use correcting fluid on an official document like this.” Her younger sister leaned over, and picked at the paper.
“That doesn’t look like correcting fluid,” she said. “Actually, I think it’s gloss paint…”
“I understand this is a great ordeal for you,” said Soun, leaning over towards Ranma.
“Yeah, livin’ with Pops…”
“But I’m sure we can find a cure for you!”
“Huh?”
“In the mean time, this is my daughter Kasumi, she’s nineteen,” continued the Tendo patriarch, oblivious to the looks directed his way by all the females in the room, “this is Nabiki, seventeen, and my youngest, Akane, she’s sixteen. Pick which one you want, she’s your fiancée.”
“She’s a girl, Daddy,” said Nabiki clearly. “I don’t think that’s legal.”
“What she said,” added Ranma, an expression of near-complete disbelief on her face as she stared at Soun.
“I’m sure we can overcome that!”
“D’ya think bein’ completely blind ta reality is necessary ta be a Master of Musabetsu Kakuto?” asked Ranma of Akane.
Akane closed her mouth and swallowed before answering. “Maybe,” she allowed. “Frightening thought…” she added, realising that if that were true there was at least one person of her acquaintance far more qualified to master her family school than herself.
“Yeah,” sighed Ranma, not following that line of thought at all. “Explains why I ain’t got there yet, fer sure.”
“Excellent, boy!” declared Genma, slapping his daughter on the back heavily.
“What’re ya talkin’ abou… no way!”
“You shall be engaged to Akane!”
“NO!”
“I am not going to be engaged to her or any girl, Pops!”
“Why not?” asked her father, apparently reasonably. “I mean yes, she’s a bit chunky and flat-chested, but that’s a matter of personal taste. I’m sure…” Whatever opinion he was about to express was cut off when the table landed on the back of his head.
“That,” opined Ranma, smiling at the girl holding the other edge of the table, “he had coming.”
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(Posted Mon, 11 Jun 2007 00:27)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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