Between the time when the oceans drank Atlantis, and the rise of the sons of Aryas, there was an age undreamed of. And onto this…
Yeah, yeah, alright we get the idea.
But I wasn’t finished yet!
I SAID we get the idea.
Rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb, main narrators, rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb, gonna complain to the union about this, rhubarb…
Whatever.
Anyway, where was I, oh yes, Ranma’s dream.
In the dream Ranma was the teenaged ruler of a mighty empire that stretched to all points of the compass. The name of the empire is immaterial (and Ranma couldn’t remember it in any case) and the time period was difficult to comprehend. Suffice it to say that it was reeeally far in the past, when people wrote in sheets of parchment or papyrus, and when reality TV-shows only existed in the fevered imaginations of demonic sorcerers.
The empire kept expanding and absorbing smaller nations and tribes. Ranma himself was famous throughout the known world. He was a mighty warrior who was said to have the strength of ten elephants and who by himself could fell entire hosts of men. But his marital prowess was just as legendary as his martial one. For in the short time that he had reigned he had amassed a vast harem of beautiful, nubile women. The beauty of the women in his seraglio was marvelled far and wide. In this dream harem were included Akane, Kasumi, Nabiki, Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, Hinako Ninomiya, Mariko the cheerleader, Yuka and Sayuri, Pink and Link etc, etc. In short, all the girls that Ranma knew were in this harem, and much more. Most of the harem girls came from countries that the empire had conquered and were there as a result of conquest, tribute or some other means, like slavery. However, the women did not mind being his concubines, quite the opposite. They had already known of Ranma’s prowess and were quite eager to… sample his talents.
As you might have guessed, this was one dream harem that would even make Ataru Moroboshi green with envy.
At the moment, Ranma was sitting on his throne at his throne room. His feet were resting on a lackey who served as his footstool, said lackey resembling Tatewaki Kuno. Before him were people from the latest city-state to be defeated and absorbed into the empire. The men were lying prostrate before him, while the women were allowed to stand. Ostensibly this was a way of showing respect for women, but actually it also served as a way for Ranma to look at potential candidates for his harem.
As Ranma looked at the women, he spotted among them an attractive auburn-haired woman. She was wearing a veil covering her body and most of her hair. The veil could not quite conceal the curves and contours of her body, especially since she held it in a way that hugged her frame. She noticed Ranma gazing at her, and smiled pleasantly at him.
“Who is that woman?” Ranma asked his vizier, who stood next to his throne.
“I believe that is the Lady Nodoka, wife of one of the leading noblemen of the city we just captured, milord” whispered the vizier.
“What of her husband?”
“He hasn’t been found amongst the prisoners. It is suspected that he along with several others fled the city disguised as a gypsy dance troupe. Shall I put a bounty on his head, Sire?”
“No, don’t bother. If he wasn’t man enough to even take his wife with him, he’s not worth a bounty. Does she have children?”
“Actually… no. It would seem that her husband was… inadequate in that area.”
“How so?” asked Ranma, not quite getting the hint.
The vizier smacked his hand on his forehead. Despite his prowess in all things manly, the young monarch was still unaware of innuendo. “I mean, milord, that his purple warrior was not up to the task, that he shot blunt arrows, that his mighty oak was all shrivelled up.” Seeing the blink-blink look on Ranma’s face, the vizier sighed. “He couldn’t get it up.”
“Oh,” Ranma uttered with a slight blush, finally understanding. “Do you know how old she is?”
“I believe she is thirty and five summers old, though to be honest, she looks considerably younger than that.” Indeed, the woman seemed definitely younger than her supposed age. Ranma idly wondered what the lady would look under the veil, although he already had a tantalizing hint.
“Well, I’ve made up my mind. Have Lady Nodoka fetched to my chambers. After she’s been bathed and all that.”
“Very good, Sire. And may I say that you’ve made an excellent choice.”
“Thanks. Now lackey, could you gimme some vibration?” Ranma asked the Tatewaki-footstool.
“BRARBRBBRBRBRBRBRBRBBRBRRB!!” mouthed Tatewaki as he vibrated his entire body, much to the satisfaction of Ranma’s feet.
“Ahhh, this is always nice,” sighed Ranma happily.
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(Posted Tue, 03 Jul 2007 23:58)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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