Kaolla Su, as has been stated, is (or was, if you prefer,) a genius. At the time of this story, she had surpassed Naru’s best in the college placement exams, skipped two years of high school, and constructed nineteen fully functional generations of robots that by all rights shouldn’t work under the physics of any self-respecting universe. Combined with her powers as Sailor Aquarius, the end result was as close to omniscience as the human mind can approach before it begins straining sanity. (Some would claim this would not be an issue for Su, as she had no sanity to begin with. This is untrue. Su has plenty of sanity. She just chooses not to use it most of the time.)
In any case, shortly before creating the thaumic surge, Aquarius had assembled a banana-powered electroshock skullcap designed to extract memories from past lives in order to better understand her current situation. A few erroneous trials later, she determined that there was an accessory device she was supposed to have that was not currently in her possession. Most people would ask for help in this situation. Then again, most people would ask others for information rather than flash fry their own brains.
Aquarius not being most people, she used another memory of her past life as a Senshi to obtain the device. Cannibalizing a backup Mecha Tama 11 provided the Bambleweeny 57 Sub-Meson Brain. The guidance system of one of the Krishna-Chan 2.0 prototypes supplied the atomic vector plotter. The cup of tea was easily obtained, and the improbability calculations were carried out on the innards of an empty Pocky box.
One activation of a jerry-rigged Finite Improbability Drive later, a technomagical feedback loop disrupted Senshi magic in the immediate area for a few hours, and two towels landed on top of Su’s head.
“I can fix that!” shouted the Molmolian princess shortly before wondering whose towels she’d teleported. The scream answered that question to a degree. Years of Keitaro's faux pas had refined Su's ears as fine wines do others' tongues. 'Hmm, male, but a bit lower than Keitaro. Could be the guy who helped with Motoko.' Su hurried downstairs. It wouldn’t be quite as fun as helping lay the smackdown on the landlord, but it’d do.
Ranma had tried. He really had. He’d rushed through the bath as fast as he could, cutting as many steps as he could think of, and even using a little Amaguriken speed for lather and such. He’d nearly made it, walking back to the changing room and thinking to himself, “Finally, a peaceful bath.”
That, of course, was like saying “Well, at least it can’t get any worse.” Those among the assembled gods who had chaos in their portfolios snapped their fingers, clapped their hands, pawed their whiskers, or otherwise invoked a small portion of their power. A number of things then happened in sequence:
First, Kitsune opened the door of the changing room, basket with bathing supplies and a six-pack in tow.
Second, Aquarius’ Improbability Drive spontaneously and simultaneously moved each molecule in both bathers’ towels several dozen yards.
Third, Ranma anxiously grabbed where he thought his towel was, thus discovering that it was no longer on his person.
Fourth, Kitsune noticed the other person, noted where Ranma had grabbed, and shrugged. “Heh. That glad t’ see me, are ya?”
Finally, Ranma’s reflexive anxiety in such a situation made him snap, thus triggering the scream as he performed the Saotome Ultimate Secret Technique, leaping over the bath’s fence, out of the frying pan, and into the proverbial fire.
Upon seeing the dust cloud caused by over a dozen females (and Keitaro) rushing to the bath, Ranma decided the best course of action was to pull a Ryoga and charge through the wall of the changing room to at least grab his pants. This meant that when the collected Senshi and Hinata Sou tenants opened the door to the changing room, they beheld a muscular young man, sans boxers, frozen in the process of either putting on or removing a pair of pants as a bemused Kitsune looked on.
Ami, Hotaru, Shinobu, and Nyamo all looked away blushingly and peeked out the corners of their eyes.
Rei and Motoko held back their libidos with wills strong enough to bend cold steel.
Minako, Makoto, and Kanako openly and shamelessly stared and salivated.
Usagi and Tsuruko thought of their loved ones and tried not to look, the latter having more success than the former.
Haruka and Michiru glanced indifferently and left, though Haruka’s eyes briefly scanned Kitsune.
Sarah and Mutsumi had little reaction. One was perfectly balanced between schadenfreude and lust, the other was happily oblivious.
Keitaro, thankful it wasn’t him for once, snuck away before anyone had a chance to smack him out of principle.
Setsuna merely smirked knowingly.
Su managed to break the silence and motionlessness with a flying kick aimed at Ranma’s head, which he reflexively dodged.
“So,” began Motoko, ignoring her slight nosebleed, “any last words?”
Ranma frantically finished donning his pants. “I don’t suppose ‘This ain’t what it looks like’ will help?”
On the island of Molmol, Naru stretched on a lounge chair and enjoyed the tropical sun. There were many perks to knowing a princess, and free vacations were one of them. Keitaro and she had had another minor falling out shortly before the tournament and had agreed that she should go let off some steam, preferably away from Keitaro to avoid accidental exacerbation. The rest of the Hinata Sou tenants had recommended plopping her on Molmol, knowing that keeping the two in separate countries would have the dual benefits of Naru getting over herself ASAP and having an unprotected Keitaro to play with.
The place was truly lovely, but Naru frowned. “Somehow, I have this feeling. Like there’s someone I should be punching right about now.” She shrugged and smiled. “Eh, I’m probably just missing my little knucklehead.”
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(Posted Fri, 24 Aug 2007 02:40)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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