In the distant corner of the galaxy is the planet Hyrule. This world was contacted a few years ago by the Terran Confederation. It was opened for trade and has become technological in the time since. Many Terran devices and ideas and ways and customs have found a home on Hyrule. This is the story of a young lad named Link.
***
In the Kokiri Forest the Great Deku Tree was summoning a fairy.
"Navi, get your butt out here now! I need your help with something! Move it!"
A glowing ball of light flew up. The light was a tiny girl with wings. She was a fairy.
"Yeah, yeah. Keep your pants on old wooden head. What do ya need?" she asked in a Brooklyn accent while filing her nails and popping her bubble gum.
"The time to get the Hero has arrived." said the Great Deku Tree(hearby known as GDT). "You must bring him to me so I can tell him what he needs to do."
"Can't it wait?" asked Navi. "I want to see the new episode of DS9."
"Move it or you don't get paid." said GDT.
Navi snapped to attention. "Sir! Yes sir!" she said, and then flew off to get the Hero, and to get paid.
***
Navi flew into the Hero's house. She found a young boy in front of a Sony flatscreen tv. He was playing a Gamecube.
"Hey!" she said introducing herself to him. "GDT wants ya ta move yer butt out to his clearing so he can tell ya something! Move it boy!"
Link looked up at her annoyed. "But I'm right in the middle of playing Tales of Symphonia. Can't it wait?"
"Ooohhh! Tales of Symphonia? I been wantin that one!" said Navi squealing in girlish delight.
"Get your own!" said Link, huddling protectively around his Gamecube.
"I can't get one until I get paid. And I don't get paid until I get you to GDT's clearing. So move it already!" said Navi.
"Oh fine then." said Link, saving his game and turning the Gamecube off.
***
Link lept down from his treehouse, and started up the path when he ran into Saria.
Saria saw Navi and said "So, you finally got a fairy huh Linkie?" while popping her bubblegum.
"Hey Saria!" said Link. "You sure is lookin fine today sexy mama!"
"You're not looking too bad yourself stud." said Saria eyeing him up and down and winking at him right then too.
"I gotta go see GDT." said Link. "But after that how about me and your fine self go catch a movie?"
"Wow! You get to see GDT? And sure, I'd like to catch a movie with you stud."
"Later." said Link.
"Later." said Saria.
***
Mido was snearing at Link and refusing to let him pass.
"You ain't getting pass me without a sword and a shield." said Mido.
"Hey Mido, GDT summoned me so move your scrawny ass out of my way." said Link.
"You ain't gettin by me shit for head." snarled Mido. "Not unless you have a sword and shield. Hehehehehehe. And you can't find one. Loser."
Link pulled something from his black leather jacket and held it up to Mido. "I don't need no sword and shield when I got my .50 Desert Eagle." said Link. "Now move before I cap your ass!"
"YIPES!" screamed Mido as he turned and ran.
"Hehehe." laughed Link. "Never bring a sword to a gunfight. Look at that little ass shit run."
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(Posted Mon, 08 Oct 2007 00:44)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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