Nabiki thought about how exactly she should phrase her wish. She’d quickly decided against wishing for anything that would have an immediate benefit to her material wellbeing—this genie might have seemed like a ditz, but even she was likely to suspect something if the wish had any direct commercial value. No, Nabiki had decided to be more subtle about it: quite simply, she knew that Ranma could make her a lot of money just by doing the things he always did, as they were inevitably exploitable. All she had to do was make sure that he was in a place where she could keep tabs on him, and she knew of a very good way to do that.
“Well, Saotome,” she told Ranma, “the way I see it, there really isn’t any quick fix to your problems.”
“Quick? Nabiki, at this point, I’m willin’ ta take any kinda fix.”
“Well, what you had someone to help you? Someone who could turn all of the lemons life gave you into lemonade? Someone who would always be by your side, through good and bad, to comfort and support you?”
“Uh, that’d be nice, I guess. But I wouldn’t wanta just get all that stuff for nuthin’.”
“You wouldn’t—this would be a two-way thing. You’d be there for this person, and in return, this person would be there for you.”
“Oh… okay. That would be good, then. Real good. Do ya know anyone who’d be willin’ ta do that?”
Are you kidding me? There’s a whole slew of people out there causing massive amounts of property damage just to be with you, Nabiki didn’t answer. Instead, she took a less sarcastic road. “Yes, Ranma, I do.”
At this, Mihoshi started to sniffle, producing a handkerchief and dabbing at her eyes—and Nabiki knew she had her. Yes! Hello, lifetime of steady revenue! The mercenary girl stepped forward and took Ranma’s hands in hers.
“Uh, what the heck are ya doin’?”
“I’m making sure you get what you want,” Nabiki replied, looking warmly into Ranma’s eyes (and really creeping him out in the process. “Ms. Genie, I’m ready to make the wish.”
Smiling, Mihoshi wiped more tears from her eyes. “Yes?” she asked in eager anticipation.
“I wish that we could be together for the rest of our lives.”
Ranma suddenly went from feeling “creeped out” into a full-blown panic mode: “What?!”
Grinning widely, Mihoshi made her pronouncement: “Granted!” And with that, all three vanished in puffs of smoke.
Nabiki was very much surprised to find herself in an office, along with Ranma and the blonde genie. “What the hell? Where are we?” After looking around some more, she soon generated another question:
“You’re at the offices of the Council of Djinn,” Mihoshi explained.
“Great. And why are we here?”
“Because of your wish,” Mihoshi replied.
“What? What do you mean?”
“Well, you wished we could be together for the rest of our lives, so I turned you into genies so you could stay with me!” Mihoshi chirped.
Nabiki simply stared in horror at the genie’s smile, before slowly looking down to see that she was wearing a harem outfit very similar to Mihoshi’s—and what was more, she also noted that the intricate design of the manacles around her wrists and ankles matched Mihoshi’s exactly. “Ranma…” Nabiki said warily as she looked towards her… well, she never actually said that she wanted to be Ranma’s wife or girlfriend, but if this airhead could make a mistake like that, who knew what else could have been added to the mix.
As she looked at Ranma, she realized why the martial artist been silent up to this point: she was too stunned to react. Finally, a response came: “Why… why am I a girl? I didn’t get hit with water.”
“The answer to that,” came a new voice, “is actually quite simple.” Smoke suddenly materialized behind the room’s large desk, rapidly forming into what appeared to be a shirtless, broad-shouldered Middle Eastern man. “Hello. My name is Ahmed, and I’m going to be processing your transition today.”
“Processing our transition? What the heck are you talking about?” Nabiki asked indignantly.
“I believe Mihoshi told you. As a result of your wish, you and Ranma are now genies, and will be together with her for the rest of your lives.”
“I take it back!”
“I’m sorry, but that’s just not possible.”
“Why?”
“Because if you could take back wishes, that would destroy the whole reason genies exist.”
“They exist to grant wishes?”
“No, we exist so that people might learn that all actions have unforeseen consequences—both good and bad.”
“That sounds like a bunch of malarkey to me.”
“It’s our corporate mission statement,” Ahmed replied, motioning to a plaque on his wall emblazoned with those very words. “We can’t let you take back your wish, because then you’d be escaping the consequences of your actions.”
Sufficiently irritated, Nabiki turned her attention to an admittedly more trifling matter. “Do we have to wear these clothes? I feel like a slavegirl in a harem.”
“Technically, you are enslaved to whoever possesses your vessel, but that’s just semantics, really. To answer your question, you can adjust the color and opacity of your uniform as you see fit,” the male genie replied.
“I don’t want to adjust anything—I want to wear something else!”
“Well, technically you don’t have to wear the uniform…” Ahmed started.
“Thank god,” Nabiki said. “What are my other options.”
“…but if you don’t want to wear the uniform, you’ll have to go nude.”
Nabiki froze for several seconds. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Sadly, no. I haven’t been able to wear a shirt for centuries, all because the current standards call for all male genies to be bare-chested. All I can do is pick from different colors of parachute trousers, or, of course, I can go au naturel. Same for you, except you get more articles of clothing to wear (or not wear, if you desire). However, it should be noted that all headgear is optional, and may be chosen at the individual genie’s discretion. Are there any more questions?”
“Why am I a girl?” Ranma asked.
“Because you are a genie, that means that your physical body no longer exists. Ordinarily, that would mean that your body would be replaced with an identical copy made from magical ether, but your curse complicates things. You see, it is also made from the same stuff as a genie’s body, which means that when your physical body was taken away, no replacement needed to be made, because you already had a body.”
“You mean…”
“The body you’re in is the only one you have now. You’re stuck.”
“Stuck…?” Ranma looked like a deer in the headlights—she didn’t even want to contemplate the possibility.
Ahmed, meanwhile, continued. “Now, here’s how your arrangement will work. The three of you will live in the same vessel, only coming out when summoned by your master, whoever that may be at the time. Each one of your masters shall be entitled to one wish from each of you, which you are free to interpret in any way you wish, but your interpretation must originate from the wish’s actual wording, and as you well know, wishes may be passed on to others at the master’s discretion. Your master will not have to make all three wishes at once, though you may decide whether or not he or she will be able to choose who grants a particular wish. Within 48 hours of the granting of the third wish or the permanent incapacitation of your master, you must return to your vessel, which will be transported to another part of the multiverse, wherein the process repeats itself ad infinitum. If you have not returned voluntarily, you will disincorporate and be returned to the vessel by force.”
“Huh?” Ranma asked.
“We have two days to get back to the lamp and get going, or we’ll turn into smoke and be drawn into the lamp,” Nabiki translated.
“More or less,” Ahmed said with a nod. “Now, as for the ‘together’ part of the wish’s clause, this will be enforced by means of a magical boundary which will prevent any of you from traveling further than 100 meters from your partners.”
“A reverse restraining order?” Nabiki asked.
“Essentially.”
“Don’t worry,” Mihoshi tried to reassure the other two women. “It’s only for ten years—actually, right now, I’m down to seven!”
“Actually, that’s not correct, Ms. Kuramitsu.”
“What do you mean? My contract was for ten years, and I signed it three years ago. That makes seven, right?”
“That was before you granted this wish. Due to certain technicalities, we’ve been forced to extend your contract.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, as you interpreted the wish, you, Nabiki, and Ranma are supposed to be together for ‘the rest of your lives’ which is why you turned them into genies.”
“Right.”
“Well, that means that if you return to your former life, Ranma and Nabiki will be separated from you, since they would still be genies. And thanks to your rather strong interpretation of the wish, the three of you can not be separated. Therefore, you, like them, shall remain a genie for the rest of your life.”
“So that’s… how long?”
“Well, since genies are immortal… eternity.”
“What?!” the three genies yelled at the top of their lungs.
“The three of you will be together as genies for eternity. And before you start shouting, let me point out that you have no one but yourselves to blame. Ranma tried to avoid being responsible for her actions by passing the wish to Nabiki, Nabiki tried to trick Mihoshi into granting a wish that would have allowed her to exploit Ranma for financial gain, and Mihoshi deliberately misinterpreted the wish.”
“I didn’t do that! I just misunderstood!”
“Despite what some may think, you aren’t that airheaded, Ms. Kuramitsu. Can you honestly say that you believed that Nabiki intended for you to be included in the ‘we’?”
“Yes… well, maybe…” The other three genies continued staring at the blonde, who soon broke down. “Okay, I… I admit it. I’ve been incredibly lonely for the past three years… I just… I just wanted some company. I didn’t want to spend the next seven years alone.”
“Loneliness is a part of life as a genie,” Ahmed said. “I told you this when you signed the contract.”
“I know, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
“Be that as it may, you are ultimately responsible for the way you interpret wishes. Now, can I rely on you to show your partners the basics, or are you going to become malevolent? Not that there’s anything wrong with being a bitter, malevolent genie, but it’s our policy to take out frustrations on our masters, not our roommates.”
“No… I’ll show them how to do everything.”
“And you’ll tell them about all of the ‘extra features’ you added?”
“What extra features?”
“The ones you requested for yourself when you became a genie… they’ve been applied to your partners as well.”
Mihoshi blushed as she realized what the male genie was talking about. “Alright, I’ll make sure to tell them.”
“Good.”
“Is that it?” Nabiki asked indignantly. “We’re going to have to spend eternity like this because we made some mistakes?”
“Yes. Consider this your introduction to the ‘Careful What You Wish For’ clause.”
“Shit!”
“I do have some good news, though: as your fate, when compared to the actions that caused it, is something that not even the most malevolent of us would wish on another, the Council has decided to grant you an exemption to our traditional structure and classify you as a single entity that grants three wishes as opposed to three entities who each grant one wish.”
“How’s that s’posed ta make us feel better?” Ranma asked.
“It means you’re going to get an upgrade from the lamp. Would you like a bottle, or a ring?”
“What’s the difference?” Nabiki asked half-heartedly.
“The bottle is a bit roomier, but the ring has more amenities. Both are very much preferable to oil lamps, and normally, it takes centuries, if not millennia, to accrue enough political clout to get one. And naturally, once you move in, you can’t be evicted, so you’ll get to keep whichever home the three of you choose—in fact, they’re both indestructible, so your security is guaranteed.”
There was a pause for a few seconds as the three thought about this. “I think we should take the bottle,” Ranma finally said. “If we want any sorta privacy, we’re gonna need as much room as we can get.”
“Yeah… that sounds good,” Mihoshi agreed.
“Might as well go along with it,” Nabiki said. “We’re still screwed either way.”
“The bottle it is, then,” Ahmed said as he checked a box on a form. “You’ll find your new bottle waiting for you when you return to Nabiki’s room. Now, you’ll be allowed up to 48 hours to say your farewells before you get your first assignment.”
“Will… will we ever see them again?” Ranma asked vaguely, though Ahmed had a pretty good idea of what was meant by “them.”
“Of course—one of the benefits of being an eternal genie is our very competitive vacation package. Four weeks of vacation per year after the first year, which may be taken anywhere in the multiverse, with infinite rollover. Just keep in mind that you all have to take your vacations at the same time, and make sure to call us up at least two weeks in advance so we can file the paperwork.”
“Call you up? On what?” Nabiki asked.
“On the telephone in your bottle, of course. Here’s my card,” the genie said, handing a business card to each genie. “I’ll be glad to help you out with any problems you may come up against.”
“Uh, thanks,” Ranma said glumly.
“You’re welcome. Welcome to the team, and have a nice eternity!” The three genies were turned into puffs of smoke and whisked back to where they’d come from.
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(Posted Wed, 17 Oct 2007 04:22)
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