Ranma had stayed up late the night before reading, a first for him. So, it was to be expected that he would be sound asleep and hard to awaken in the morning. When Ranma awoke, he was rapidly approaching the ground; His father having defenestrated him in order that they could begin their morning spar.
“You’re growing soft, sleeping in on these nice cushy futons. Don’t think I’m going to take it easy on you. Oh what have I done to deserve such a worthless boy?”
“Come on Pops,” Ranma railed back, “Lets see what game you got today.”
And off the two Saotomes went, sparring as they usually did every morning. And, as every morning, water managed to find them, triggering the curses. But that’s where status quo ended, and the yelling began.
‘Boy, how dare you find a cure *flip* and not tell your own father?’ - “What the hell?” - *Spit Take* - “Ranma, you didn’t change?” - “Oh My!” - “My profits!”
The cacophony of everyone talking at once died into the silence of everyone staring at the sight of Ranma dripping wet from the koi pond and still male while a waterlogged panda put him into a full nelson. Not only was Ranma a male, but he was also struggling more than usual to break the hold Genma had on him. It was when Ranma was forced down to his knees by his irate father that things got really weird.
“You don’t want to fight me, you want to play shogi with Mr. Tendo,” Ranma spoke in an eerie tone as his eyes glowed. Genma suddenly released Ranma and headed straight towards the gaming board and began to set up the pieces.
A moment’s worth of confused silence was broken by Ranma. “It appears the telepathy works. Ug, I feel so dirty. I don’t even want to contemplate what the Koi do in that water. I will be scrubbing off and taking a bath if anyone needs me.” On his way to clean up, Ranma paused in front of Kasumi, bowing politely. “Madam, could I trouble you for some of your wonderful tea blend with breakfast? I find the day is best started with quiet contemplation over a cup of tea. I would be eternally grateful if you do me this favor.” With another bow, Ranma left to clean up.
The Tendos looked among themselves quietly until Kasumi summed everything up nicely for them. “Well, Ranma-kun’s life is never boring.”
“Amen, sister!” Akane exclaimed, still in shock.
Nabiki had her suspicions. “I wonder where the fairy godmother might be?” The rest of her family were in no condition to notice how odd her question was.
“Is he possessed?” Akane wondered out loud. “Hey, wait a minute. Ranma found a cure and kept quiet about it and didn’t share it? That jerk!”
“If you’re worried about Ryoga, he doesn’t change into P-chan anymore,” Nabiki absentmindedly responded.
“Would it have killed him to tell ... What do you mean Ryoga changes into P-chan? That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. Sheesh, Nabiki, where’d you get a dumb idea like that from, anyways? Sounds like something Ranma would say, can’t believe he’s jealous of a pig.” Akane’s further comments devolved into a lot of grumbling as she tried to puzzle out what just happened with Ranma.
“Ranma! It’s all your fault! Prepare to die!” Ryoga announced his presence from the street.
The window to the bathroom slip open. “Bite me, pork-butt.”
Ryoga stormed into the house. “I’ll kill him for real this time!”
“Hey, Ryoga,” Nabiki called out. Curious to test something, she tossed a glass of water at him.
When the water hit, he turned into a blue haired girl. “Huh, where am I? How did I get here? Where did those two nice sailors go? ... Oh hello.” Ryoga-chan perked right up. “My name is Ryoga Hibiki.”
“Nabiki Tendo,” Nabiki introduced herself to the perky and cute-acting girl.
Akane fumed. “The jerk gave his girl curse to Ryoga? What an ass.”
“What is she talking about?” Ryoga-chan was unaware of any curses.
Nabiki shrugged. “Don’t listen to her, she’s a touch crazy and is going mad.”
“Nabiki!” Akane was not amused.
Nabiki pointed to her sister. “See what I mean? Mad, I say.”
“Oh you poor dear. Why don’t we sit and you tell me all about it. I have some experience with mental health, being a nurse.” Ryoga-chan turned all warm and compassionate, treating Akane like a sick, little puppy.
Nabiki tried not to laugh. “Well, her mother died.”
Ryoga got teary eyed. “I’m sorry. Would you like to talk about it?”
“And she keeps getting kidnapped.” Nabiki was enjoying the scene immensely.
“That’s enough, Nabiki.” Akane, however, wasn’t.
Ryoga broke out crying, “That’s horrible. I think a round of tea would do us all wonders.”
Kasumi, thankful for an excuse to get away from all the madness, made a beeline for the kitchen to make some tea.
“What the hell is going on here?” Akane was on her last nerve.
Nabiki snorted. “You know, is it a bad thing when Ryoga makes you look uncute in comparison?”
“Na-Bi-Ki,” Akane growled.
Ranma entered the room fresh from a bath. “Hey, where did bacon-breath go?”
“Oh my,” Ryoga-chan said dreamily as hearts filled her eyes. “Is it me, or did it just get hot in here?” Ryoga tried to fan her flushed face with a hand.
Ranma noticed the female Ryoga. “Hehe, that’s a good look for you.”
“Now you’re hitting on Ryoga, Ranma you really are a dirty pervert!” Akane was not having a good morning.
“Don’t mind her, she lost her mother, is crazy, and an uncute tomboy,” Ryoga said to Ranma, trying to explain Akane’s outburst.
Ranma looked to Akane. “See, I’m not the only one that thinks that way.”
“ARRRRGH,” Akane screamed as she stormed out of the house.
“Was it my deodorant?” Ranma asked Nabiki.
“Where’s Akane?” Kasumi returned to the room bearing breakfast.
“She left for school,” Nabiki answered.
Everyone settled to eat around the table, Ryoga taking Akane’s place at the table. “Here’s the tea you wanted,” Kasumi set a cup in front of Ranma and Ryoga.
Ranma made a face. “I can’t believe I turn into such a wimp. I’d have rather turned into a girl if it meant keeping The Art.”
Nabiki kicked his foot under the table. “Don’t say anything at school. Let’s look again at that game later, after school,” she hissed at him in a whisper.
“Whatever,” Ranma replied halfheartedly.
“I mean it,” Nabiki remarked softly, so no others could hear. “Imagine what Kuno would do if he had the game?”
Ranma shuddered. “Maybe I should be happy Daisuke and Hiroshi didn’t keep the game for themselves.”
Ranma was walking along the fence top while Nabiki and Ryoga followed along the sidewalk.
“I think we better destroy everything after school. No good has ever came from anything magic.” Ranma was thinking of all the ways things could get worse, and he wasn’t liking anything he thought of.
Before Nabiki could form a reply, Genma appeared out of nowhere grabbing Ranma intro a headlock. “Boy, give your father the cure.”
Ranma shook him off without any trouble, sending Genma into the canal. “Quit it, Old Man. There are worse things then being a panda.”
Ryoga-chan looked at the water where a panda now sat. “Wow, he turned into a real live panda. How cute! Hey there Mr. Panda.”
Ranma rolled his eyes and continued on his way to school. Nabiki tugged on Ryoga’s arm. “Come on, school is this way.”
“Everything looks familiar, I wonder if I have been here before,” Ryoga remarked to no one in particular.
Not even a block later, cold water splashed down onto Ranma, accompanied by a shout. “Sweeto!” A blur streaked out of nowhere and unerringly headed towards Ryoga-chan.
“Ranma-chan ...” Happosai looked up. “You’re not Ranma-chan.”
A wet, and still male, Ranma tapped Happosai on the shoulder. “Looking for me, elder?”
Happosai looked over and his eyes grew big. “Oh no! What happened to my Ranma-chan? Don’t worry, I’ll go fix this right away.” Happosai posed, briefly, in a heroic manner, which was even more funny because of his short stature. He then ran off down the street, crying.
“I think the aged pervert may become a problem. We will need to provide him with a distraction.”
Nabiki nodded her agreement with Ranma’s statement. She then turned to Ryoga. “Ryoga, could you be a dear and go on ahead? I’m going to help Ranma find a place to dry off, but I fear that a boy named Kuno could use your healing skills right about now.” Nabiki silently added to herself, ‘Considering the mood Akane was in, and this ought to get rid of Ryoga for now.’
“Really? Never fear, Nurse Hibiki is on the job.” Ryoga then ran off towards school. Fortunately, one of the changes made to him was to remove his lack of direction.
“Why did you get rid of her?” Ranma stared after the retreating Hibiki,
Nabiki raised an eyebrow and looked at Ranma expectantly, waiting for him to connect the dots. “Because, if we’re going to get you some hot water, I don’t want to risk turning Ryoga back into his usual angry self. We have too much to worry about without getting distracted by the two of you fighting.”
Ranma looked at her with a puzzled expression. “Why would I want hot water? There’s nothing wrong with me this way. I like to think I am a better person like this.”
Nabiki sighed before starting to drag Ranma by the hand towards Tofu’s clinic. “You’re just starting as a psychic-mage and you are at a beginner’s level. Your other form has been training for a lifetime and is a master level monk. With all the violent maniacs you’ll have to deal with at school, I think it’ll be better if you changed. Also, I’d like to keep things as normal as I can for as long as it’ll stay that way.” Nabiki then muttered under her breath, “Not very long, usually.”
“Very well,” Ranma responded with a shrug.
Out of hearing range, but not visual range, a pair of eyes tightened at what looked like Nabiki and Ranma walking along, holding hands.
After getting hot water from Tofu, with Ranma waiting outside – Nabiki did not want to take the time to explain the newest wrinkle in Ranma’s life – the pair made their way to school.
“Now that we know what’ll happen, maybe we can make a few tweaks to the characters,” Nabiki suggested.
“I think that is asking for trouble, let’s just put everything back the way it was and destroy it all.” Ranma was beginning to fear what that kind of power could do in the wrong hands. Images of Happosai turning everyone into willing female sex objects was turning his insides into ice.
“But what about the game we were going to make? I think it would be cool to play inside of one for real,” Nabiki protested.
Ranma turned haunted eyes towards her. “It bleeds into reality. If people find out, and they will, don’t you think they’ll be angry we changed them against there will?”
Nabiki shrugged, “We can just charge them to change them back, or into what ever they want to be. You let me worry about people and handle them, that’s what I do best. Now, what measurements should I give myself? Do you think I would look good with a wasp waist? How about clothing, in game? And shoes, can’t forget shoes...” Nabiki continued talking and Ranma stopped listening.
The pair arrived at school with plenty of time to spare. “Remember to keep quiet about you-know-what.” Nabiki then separated from Ranma to go to her class.
Ranma shrugged and headed for his classroom.
“Hey, Ranma,” Daisuke called out to him in the halls.
Ranma turned to greet his friends.
The pair came up to him, excited. “Did you hear?” Hiroshi asked rapidly.
Ranma looked at the two dumbly, hoping no one had already learned about what he and Nabiki did.
“Kuno’s got a girlfriend or something, and it’s not that cheerleader chick,” Daisuke told Ranma in a conspiratorial whisper.
“What are you two talking about?”
Hiroshi put an arm around Ranma’s shoulders and pulled him into a huddle. “This morning, Kuno did his usual daily spiel. Akane was here early, waiting for things to start, when Kuno walks through the gate and sees her. Just like any other morning, Akane left him as a groaning heap of badly twisted limbs. Later, some cute chick come rushing in, proclaiming she’ll nurse him back to health. After twisting Kuno back into shape, she dragged him inside to find pain-killers. That’s the last anyone has seen of the two, but everyone is talking about it.”
“Do you think she’s a new student?” Daisuke asked eagerly.
Ranma chuckled. “Oh, I am sure we’ll be seeing more of her.”
The perverted pair gave Ranma a suspicious look. “And how do you know?”
Ranma laughed nervously. “Er ... The first law of Furinkan. Anyone who would cause more chaos will show up at regular intervals, even if they don’t go to school here.”
“Ah, of course.”
“Isn’t that the third law?”
School proceeded normally, for Furinkan, that morning. On his way outdoors to eat lunch in the sun, Ranma did get splashed, but no one had noticed. No one registered anything out of the ordinary as they were all used to seeing Ranma damp in either forms. Settling down, Ranma didn’t even get to start eating when a commotion occurred over by the school doors.
“Come back! I haven’t released you as a patient yet, and you need to eat to heal.” Kuno was running away from an overwrought Ryoga-chan.
“Enough, woman! I understand how the greatness of my being draws you like a moth to a candle, but you are far too wimpy and passive to stand by my side. My very greatness demands that the women of my life be strong and fierce, like the thunderstorm that sweeps the weak willed chaff away or the tidal wave that cleanses the shore. Leave me be, you clingy trollop.” Kuno pontificated and postured, insensitive to the feelings of others.
Ryoga got misty eyed and began to sob. “Waah, I was just trying to help. You don’t have to be such a meanie-head. Waah!”
Kuno didn’t even noticed, his eyes already scanning for ‘the fierce tigress’ or ‘pigtail-girl’.
Hiroshi and Daisuke sidled up to Ryoga. Daisuke put his arm around Ryoga’s shoulders. “Now, now, don’t cry miss.”
“Yeah, you can always nurse me, if you want.” Hiroshi wagged his eyebrows suggestively.
“You perverts leave Ryoga alone,” Akane snapped as she appeared behind the hormonal duo along with Yuki and Sayuri.
Hiroshi and Daisuke flinched away. “He, he, Akane, what a surprise meeting you here,” Hiroshi tried to mitigate Akane’s temper.
“Did you say this is Ryoga?” Daisuke turned green. He was worrying what the eternally angry and violent boy might do when he becomes a boy again.
“Akane Tendo, my fierce tigress, come into my arms.” Kuno popped up, wrapping Akane into a bear-hug.
“Why won’t you just leave me alone?” Akane slammed her head into Kuno’s face and broke his hold on her. A haymaker to his jaw bounced Kuno off of a nearby wall.
“Oh dear!” Ryoga exclaimed. “Don’t worry, I’ll nurse you back to health.” Ryoga began to check up on the fallen Kuno.
“Are you sure that’s Ryoga?” Daisuke asked Akane.
“Just leave him be. Don’t waste your time, Ryoga.” Akane’s eye was twitching.
Ryoga frowned at Akane. “You’re not a very nice girl, are you. Ladies shouldn’t fight.”
Akane mimed chocking someone with her hands. “I know Ranma is behind this somehow. He gave his girl curse to Ryoga.”
Kuno popped up from the ground. “The foul sorcerer is behind this? No doubt he sent this girl to keep me away from my fierce tigress and the pigtailed goddess, but I see through his ruse. Worry not, I shall beat the secret of this foul spell out of Saotome and than I will add it to my vaunted skills.”
Hiroshi looked at Daisuke. “Kuno turning all the guys into cute girls?”
Daisuke looked at Hiroshi. “I don’t know if I should cheer or be afraid.”
Meanwhile, Ranma was calmly eating his lunch while observing everything. He observed how Kuno made Ryoga cry, the antics of his friends, Akane’s violence, and Kuno storming up to where he sat eating.
“Foul Sorcerer, I shall smite thee and you will then release your hold on the pigtail-girl and the annoying nurse. Have at thee!”
Before Kuno could draw his boken, he was stopped by Ranma calmly raising his hand and requesting, “Hold on a minute. Can you not see I am eating? And, as a role model for your underclassmen, you leave much to be desired.”
“What’s this?” Kuno was offended that anyone would say he was less than anything but a shining example of greatness. “These plebeian riff-raff can only dream of aspiring to my level of greatness. How can I, Tatewaki Kuno, possibly be a poor role model?”
Ranma swallowed the food he had placed in his mouth while Kuno preened, being of the mind that talking with one’s mouth full was in poor manners. “First, that you consider them to be so poor that they can not be lifted to new heights and then write them off as base commoners shows that you are eschewing your responsibilities of philanthropy and community involvement. Second, you selfishly treat others with no regards to their feelings, motivated only by what benefits you can derive from them. But what really rankles is that by your disruptive and antisocial actions, uncouth and lewd behaviors, and the objectifying way you treat those who have the unfortunate grace to have caught your fancy, you have reinforced a culture of low brow expectation and crude lifestyle choices among your fellow students. Your actively corruptive influence has brought down your fellow peers from what they could have easily achieved given the right support and motivation to a state of mob like mentality and an unrealistic world view on the dynamics of a healthy and rewarding relationship. They see your flagrant and contemptuous disregard of good taste, school rules, social norms, and the state of reality as justification for them to behave as rowdy and ill-mannered as they choose without fear of repercussions, consequences, and censure. By devolving all disputes into a physical display of fisticuffs and barroom brawling, you do others the disfavor of reinforcing the idea that problems should be resolved by violence. Without any example of diplomacy, you have left your peers starved for a polestar to guide their development. By resorting to duplicity when it suits you, you create a culture where the end justifies the means. In short, by pushing yourself into the limelight every chance you get, you divert attention away from those who are your upperclassman and better role models. You take the station of son of the principal to undeserved heights and then betray that status with your incessant histrionics, theatrics, and ego-pampering indulgences. The only thing worse than a false noble is a self-serving nobility that ignores, or is ignorant of, its social duties to the masses.”
Everyone in hearing distance was staring at Ranma, most with mouths open. Some, fearing the coming apocalypse, crossed themselves or prayed to whatever gods they believed in.
“How dare you insinuate those lies about my august personage. I shall smite thee where thou sits. And after I check the dictionary for the words I don’t understand, I’ll come back and smite thee for those as well. I see now your true game is to take control of the school away from me, the Prince of Furinkan High, and to steal my adoring subjects.”
Ranma rolled his eyes. “I see you don’t think very much about yourself,” he remarked sarcastically.
“The time for talking is over. I strike at thee, en garde.” Kuno yanked his boken free and raised it above his head, forcefully bringing it down upon Ranma.
While Kuno prepared to attack, a bowl of hot miso soup smashed into Ranma’s head. When Kuno’s boken came down, Ranma was already dodging, a smirk on his lips. Ranma then gave Kuno a beat down while also finishing off his bento. Kuno hit the ground hard the same time Ranma dropped his empty lunch-box into a nearby trashcan.
Wiping his hands, Ranma turned to return to school. Ukyo blocked his path with her portable grill. “Hey Ranchan, some fight. I bet you worked up an appetite. How about a Ranchan special?”
“Oh hey Ucchan. Sure, I never turn down one of your okonomiyaki”
Ukyo began to whip up a special. “What’s up with Ryoga? He’s a girl now? How did that happen?”
Ranma chuckled sheepishly as he stared at the ground. “Not entirely sure.” Ranma missed the way that Ukyo looked at him, suspicion written all over he face. “Oh, hey Akane,” Ranma blurted out a little to guility.
“Flirting with Ukyo? I swear, Ranma, I can’t bring you anywhere.”
“Aw geez, it’s not like that you uncute tomboy. Ucchan was just making me some okonomiyaki is all.”
“Didn’t you already have enough to eat? Come on, already, class will be starting soon.” Akane stomped off with out waiting to see if Ranma would follow.
“See you in class,” Ranma told Ukyo as he caught the okonomiyaki she flipped at him.
Following behind Ranma as she pushed her grill along, Ukyo pulled along side him. “If you like, you could come by the restaurant after school, Ranchan.”
Ranma laughed nervously. “Er, well ... I have something I need to do after school. Nabiki is helping me with something. Plus, I started reading this novel. It’s in a series called Dragonlance. Its very engrossing, I am anxious to get back to it.”
Ukyo couldn’t believe her ears, Ranma was reading a non martial arts related book or a book not assigned as homework. In fact, she didn’t believe Ranma and wondered what was going on.
Ranma was walking home with the two Tendo sisters, Ryoga being missing from the group. After lunch, Ryoga had went to wash her face off and used warm water. The resulting outcry of a boy in the girls bathroom when Ryoga changed and then fainted from a nosebleed ended up with Ryoga chained to a tree with a sign reading ‘Pervert’ hung around his neck. When Ryoga awoke, he was too embarrassed by both that incident and how he was behaving all day to reenter the school. So, instead, he left to find and learn a technique that would assure victory over Ranma once and for all.
“I’m glad today is over,” Akane grumbled, but without too much heat.
Ranma stretched his arms up above his head and yawned. “I didn’t think it was all that bad.”
Nabiki snorted. She was on pins and needles all day, anxious that something might slip out. The last thing she wanted was the Nerima Wrecking Crew tearing her room apart as they fought for control of her computer.
“I can’t wait to go break some blocks.”
When they got home, Akane went to her room to change. She hadn’t noticed, being in her room already, when Ranma quietly knocked on Nabiki’s door.
Nabiki’s door slid open and she wordlessly gestured for him to enter.
“Now we can fix this mess,” Ranma said once the door slid closed behind him.
“Ranma, you need to see the big picture here. We have power, we have control, and we can make a profit from it. This isn’t a problem, it’s an opportunity. One we would be foolish not to embrace fully,” Nabiki lectured Ranma. With the day passing safely, she had spent her walk home thinking about the possibilities. And now having seen her room was still secured and no one got to her computer, she was thinking about all they could do. ‘Maybe I should remove Ranma’s memories of the game?’
Ranma sighed. “I’m more worried about what will happen when karma catches up with us.”
“You worry to much. We have already weathered the changes to you and Ryoga, we past it now, it’s done. I’m aware of the changes to me, and none would be noticeable. I also don’t mind having these new skills. Would Akane notice any differences?”
“I don’t think so,” Ranma guessed. “I did not make her fighting any worse, just removed some bad habits that was hampering her. She isn’t going to find any sudden improvements either.”
“Right,” Nabiki agreed. “And since she never touches any bows and arrows, she won’t notice her skills at archery. And if she did, well my sister is conceited enough to think she was always that good. And what would Kasumi notice anyways? I mean, she spends all her time at home, what could possibly happen here?”
As if in answer, there was a knock on Nabiki’s door.
Opening the door revealed a rather frazzled Kasumi. “Kasumi? Is everything all right?”
Kasumi entered and sat heavily on the bed. “I’m not sure.”
“What’s wrong, Kasumi?” Ranma asked worriedly.
“Well, I was hanging the wash up to dry earlier today. The sun was shining and the birds were chirping; I suddenly felt like singing. I began to hum and sing softly as I hung the wash up. First, just one bird fluttered to perch on the line. It seemed to have been singing along with me, but I figured it was just my imagination. But then another bird landed nearby, and a third, and a fourth. Soon squirrels were showing up, chattering along. A bird perched on my shoulder, the squirrels helped with the wash – dirty, filthy paw. It was surreal. I think I must be going crazy and imagined it all.”
Kasumi pinned Ranma with an intense gaze. “You don’t think Nerima suddenly has a community of Jusenkyo victims, do you?”
Ranma scratched the back of head as he avoided looking Kasumi in the eyes.
“Nonsense,” Nabiki said soothingly, trying to ease her troubled older sister, “Maybe the animals can just sense your genuinely pure heart.”
The look Kasumi shot Nabiki showed that she wasn’t buying any of it.
“Well ... is it really so bad?” Ranma fidgeted and played with the hem of his shirt.
Kasumi looked away for a moment, in thought. “No, it’s not bad so much as just distressing. Nothing like this has ever happened before.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, sis. You could even make some money from it. We could videotape you the next time this happens and ...” Nabiki trailed off, quelled by the look she was receiving from her sister.
“That’s not the only thing. One of the birds was hurt. When I was done with the wash and shooing the squirrels and birds away, I found one that couldn’t fly well. So I picked it up and held it in my hands. The bird quieted down and I felt sorry for it. And like I would of done before, I said a small prayer for its rapid recovery. Suddenly, the bird perked right up and flew off like it was never injured.” Kasumi looked down to her hands in her lap. “You don’t think, maybe, that I got the devil in me?”
Ranma quickly strode over to Kasumi. “Look at me, Kasumi,” Ranma commanded her gently. Kasumi turned her face up to look at Ranma. “I don’t think healing would be the devil’s work. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say you were more likely to be the hands of a god. Maybe-” Nabiki nudged Ranma in the ribs, before he could say too much.
“Ranma’s right. You’re not becoming evil.”
Ranma nodded. “And if you just let us know what you rather like instead-” Nabiki stomped down hard onto Ranma’s foot.
“Well, now that is done, I guess it would be time for you to fix dinner. See you at supper.”
Kasumi looked at the two with suspicion in her eyes. “And you wouldn’t know anything about this?”
Nabiki giggled as she looked away, avoiding Kasumi’s piercing gaze. “Nope. We were about to work on making a computerized RPG game. We’re trying to come up with some suitable stories and quests. Actually, I was thinking of watching a movie for ideas. Me and Ranma better get going if we want to be back in time for dinner. Catch you later.” Nabiki grabbed a coat from her closet and dragged Ranma out of her room.
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See other episodes by Errol Peregrinus
(Posted Sat, 20 Sep 2008 18:43)
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