“G-Grandma?” Keitaro said nervously. If looks could kill, he’d already be a smoking crater.
“Don’t ‘Grandma’ me, young man,” Hianta snapped irritably. “You have quite a lot of explaining to do.”
“Who’s that?” Su barged into the conflict, noting the younger woman who’d accompanied the Urashima matriarch.
“A colleague of my grandson,” said Hinata off-handedly. “One who has told me some very distressing news regarding him.”
“Grandma, I’ve never seen that woman before in my life.” Keitaro said this in such a firm, definitive tone, it brought the conversation to halt, albeit briefly. This was the Hinata Sou, world capital of Tease the Landlord.
Sarah began the volley. “You sure she’s not one of your secret liaisons?”
“Or maybe she’s got a chibi-Keitaro in tow,” thought Su. She began searching for the Turtle Radar III. (Now with Motoko-sensors!)
“Grandson…” The eldest Urashima performed a passable imitation of the Tendo Demon Head®.
“They’re just joking!” cried Keitaro, tears of exasperation beginning to flow. “I’ve honestly never met this woman before in my life!”
“Then perhaps you can explain why she claimed you have become estranged from your fiancée?”
“Huh?” Keitaro considered this. “Well, Naru is in Molmol at the moment, but—”
“Yup!” cried the the princess of the aforementioned island. “She’s hangin’ out there ‘cuz she was bashin’ Keitaro at the drop of a hat!”
“Really?” Hinata’s head had returned to normal size, but her expression still boded ill. Knee-jerk violence between betrothed wasn’t something she approved of, but it was arguably preferable to the bride languishing from lack of affection.
Keitaro took the chance he saw struggling before him. “Yes! We were going to get her after we finished the Improbably Powerful Girls Tournament!”
“Which was ruined when Motoko turned into a giant monster,” Su noted helpfully.
The still scattered bleachers and wrecked ring attested to greater-than-anticipated conflict. “Do tell…”
Su did so. “Well, Motoko and I were fighting, and she was all ‘Strike!’ and Mecha-Tama 19 was all ‘Secret Weapon!’ and then the black cloud thing showed up and Monster-Motoko went ‘RAWR I’m big!’ but then Ranma showed up and I went super mode and he turned into a girl and went ‘BATTLE CRY!’ and Motoko turned back and the cloud thing swore everlasting vengeance.” The mad genius took a deep breath as the others paused to stare in wonder and process her rant.
Hinata shook herself. “I see. In any case, that you planned the tournament at all tells me you are not nearly as obsessed with your archaeological work as Ms. Pandora claimed you were.”
Keitaro wrinkled his brow in confusion. “Who?”
“Helen Pandora, the woman who escorted me here.” Everyone looked around and realized that the mysterious woman had vanished at some point in Su’s synopsis. “Where—”
The elder woman’s question was both interrupted and answered by the vanished’s reappearance behind her, grabbing Hinata in a one-armed wrestling hold while her other arm held a rather large cannon to the hostage’s head. “No one move,” said Helen, “or Granny gets 10,000 thaums of chaos through her skull.”
“Why are you doing this?” demanded her captive, not with rage but perturbed indignation.
“You have something I want,” explained the captor, as she dropped her illusion. “The Virgo Amulet.”
“Another Sailor Senshi?” exclaimed Keitaro.
“A psycho one!” Sarah added.
There came the sound of soft chuckling. “Do calm down, everyone,” said Hinata. “It really isn’t healthy to be this tense.” She turned her head up to look Sailor Eris in the eye. “Tell me, my dear, do you know who I am?”
The Senshi of Chaos narrowed her eyes in displeasure. “Someone who does not realize the degree of danger she is in.”
“Not quite. That would be you. I—” She interrupted herself to break the hold, crouch, sweep Eris’s legs out from under her, redirect the reflexively fired cannon blast with an open palm strike, and finally suplex the larger woman. “—am Urashima Hinata, Grandmaster of the Urashima School of martial arts.
“Why you…” Shaking off the post-suplex wooziness, Eris lunged at her hostage-turned-harasser’s throat.
The lunging thrust-smack was interrupted by a cry of “Aquarius Zodiac Power, MAKE UP!”
“Eh!?” Sailor Eris looked up and beheld not a deceptively strong old woman, but Sailor Aquarius, arm cannon formed, locked, and loaded.
“I do not know who you are,” said the Senshi of Technology, “but you are not welcome here. In the name of Aquarius, leave now.”
Eris rose, her eyes glinting dangerously. “You would command me? You shall learn your place, you—”
“BURNING MANDALA!”
“SUPREME THUNDER!”
“VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!”
Eris barely had time to jump back before the plasma-infused energy chain struck the spot at which she’d stood.
“Holding little old ladies hostage is a cruel and reprehensible act,” Sailor Moon monologued from the roof of the building, “even if they can defend themselves. In the name of the Moon—”
“Shut up, already. DISCORD DRIVE!”
The blast of chaos energy missed the Senshi, who’d jumped out of the way. It did nick the roof of the Hinata Sou.
“You’ll pay for that!” cried Keitaro, with uncharacteristic bravery.
Eris scoffed. “Hah. Like you could do anything to stop me.”
“No, I meant literally. I’m charging you for the repair costs.”
There was much sweatdropping. “Good luck with that,” snarked Eris. “DISCORD DRIVE!”
“Move!” Sailor Aquarius shoved Keitaro out of the way, leaving herself in the path of the chaotic blast.
“Aquarius!” The Planetary Senshi gathered around their comrade.
“She’s strong,” moaned Su, her fuku in disarray. “Be careful.”
“Without Mercury, we don’t know her weak points,” Jupiter noted.
Mars cracked her knuckles. “Then we’ll hit her everywhere and she what hurts worst!”
At that moment, Shinobu and Ranma (who Shinobu had puppy-dog-eyed into helping her) emerged from the building. “Tea is ready, every—oh my!”
Hinata, currently standing by the entrance, nodded at this. “Quite the spectacle, isn’t it?”
The instincts of the Zodiac Herald kicked in, combined with years of experience with narrative conventions. “Y' wouldn’ happen ta have a rounded, metal thing with a weird symbol on it, would ya?”
“As a matter of fact…” The globetrotting grandmother dug out the Virgo Amulet from her purse. The artifact was glowing softly. “Never did that before,” she noted.
“Wasn’t never near Shinobu-chan before,” said Ranma. “It belongs ta her.”
Hinata examined the girl with a critical eye. “Does it, now, Ms. Maehara?”
Normally Shinobu would have blushed and shrunk into herself a bit from such scrutiny. However, the Amulet wasn’t the only one affected by their proximity. “It is,” she said firmly. She held out her hand. “If you would be so kind?”
“We’ll discuss this later,” said Hinata, with equal resolve.
Shinobu only nodded as she took hold of the Amulet.
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(Posted Tue, 01 Jan 2008 21:50)
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