Mousse was rather surprised to find himself human when he woke up—normally, when he was knocked out after a spat like the one he’d had with Cologne, she would splash him with cold water and put him in his cage. That surprise soon gave way to another surprise, however. “What he hell? Where are my clothes?” With the exception of a strategically placed bath towel, he was totally nude.
“The answer to that,” came a familiar voice, “is quite simple. You are a martial artist of no small talent, and you are probably still angry with me.”
“Now there’s an understatement,” the bespectacled teenager muttered.
“It follows, then, that I should do what I can to make sure you don’t try to do anything, which required me to remove most of your weapons—or rather, the place where you store most of your weapons.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, that, and you were already nude when I took you out of your cage and uncursed you, and I figured you’d prefer the towel to having me actually re-dress you.”
Mousse shuddered noticably at this possibility. “You’ve got that right, at least.”
The old woman smiled and motioned towards a nearby chair. “Now, are you ready to talk about this in a civilized manner?”
“Do I have a choice?”
Cologne chose to ignore the young man’s insolence and continued. “You had a serious lapse of judgment earlier this morning. Do you know what that was?”
“So I shouldn’t have attacked Saotome without issuing a formal challenge. Big deal—ow!”
The Matriarch pulled her staff back from where it had impacted on Mousse’s cranium. “It is a big deal. Ranma now fully acknowledges that he is a member of the tribe, and that means that such unprovoked, clearly malevolent attacks against him come with stiff penalties. Of course, given the way Ranma usually responds to formal challenges, he would be unlikely to hold anything back out of respect for his opponent, which in turn means that you will be soundly defeated.”
“You don’t know that….”
“Really? Which one of you recently defeated a high-powered demigod?”
This gave the nearsighted teenager some pause; he’d had his glasses firmly in place when he saw Ranma defeat Saffron, and quite simply, he had been in awe of his rival’s skill.
Noting the boy’s silence, the wizened Amazonian took the opportunity to move the conversation in a different direction. “Why did you follow Xian Pu to Japan?”
“To win her love and devotion, of course.”
“Despite the fact that she had rejected you for years?”
“I could change her mind.”
“Really? How?”
Mousse was silent for a few moments as he ran through the very long list of failed attempts. Since he couldn’t find an acceptable answer, he decided to deflect the question. “That doesn’t matter. First, I have to get past her sense of duty. I’m sure there are loopholes in the Law that would allow her to escape her marriage to Ranma. All I have to do is convince her to take them.”
Cologne sighed. “I see.” Obviously, Mousse still thought that Shampoo’s actions were motivated by her sense of duty to the tribe than from any emotional attachments. “I would be lying if I said that those loopholes you spoke of did not exist. They may not be easy to find, but they’re there.” This had the predictable result of causing Mousse’s eyes to light up from behind his thick lenses. “There’s one thing, however, that I don’t think you counted on.”
“And that is?”
“That Xian Pu would actually fall in love with Ranma.”
“Please. What could anyone possibly see in that jerk?”
“Oh, that’s quite simple. Ranma’s not just any kind of jerk; he’s a sensitive jerk.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You know how girls talk about ‘nice guys’ and ‘bad boys’? A sensitive jerk is essentially the perfect combination of the two. Ranma’s nice enough that you know he’ll protect you, but bad enough to still be dangerous.”
“So that’s the act he’s been pulling.”
“That Mu Tsu, is why all your efforts to win Xian Pu’s heart have been in vain.”
“Because I can’t pull off that ‘sensitive jerk’ routine?”
“No, because you believe that it is a ‘routine.’ The truth of the matter is that that really is Ranma’s personality, and he hasn't snared his admirers through any of womanizing machinations you are so fond of accusing him of.”
“So I should just give up?!” Mu Tsu shouted, aghast.
In truth, Ko Lon thought that the boy should have given up long before Ranma ever showed up in Joketsuzoku, but saying that aloud would be counterproductive. “What can you hope to accomplish by continuing? You know how devoted Xian Pu is to our traditions, and her marriage is traditional by our standards.”
“But if Ranma does something to demonstrate his unworthiness as a spouse the marriage could be annulled—”
“Even if Ranma does something that extreme (and I highly doubt he will), then Xian Pu will still be married to Akane, Ukyo, and Kodachi. It’s time to face the facts, Mu Tsu: Xian Pu is permanently out of your reach.”
“So what am I supposed to do, then?”
“That is a very good question.”
“You mean you aren’t going to tell me?”
“I don’t interfere in the lives of individual tribe members unless I believe it to be necessary, and in your case, it would most likely be counterproductive. Or are you seriously claiming that you won’t dismiss any suggestion I make out of hand?” This was met with silence, so the Matriarch continued: “Do you know what you’re going to do?”
“No… Xian Pu was all I had.”
This was progress; by using the past tense, Mu Tsu had essentially admitted that the woman he desired truly was beyond his grasp. “I doubt it was correct to ever say that you did have her. After all, she has been rejecting your advances since you were children.”
“Well, yes… but that doesn’t mean she might not eventually change her mind, right?”
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
“I… I… I need some time alone to think about this.”
Cologne nodded. “I agree.”
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(Posted Mon, 21 Jan 2008 04:39)
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