Pink
I don't like fighting. I never have. It's horrible, nasty, and mean. Why can't everyone just get along?
But I'm a Ranger. I have to fight, or people get hurt, even killed. We tried not doing it once, and I never want to think about that night again.
I hate it. I hate doing this, being what I am. I never got a choice. Maybe if I had, I could take it a little easier. Or I could have said no. I'm not meant for this. I'm not a fighter. They just chose me at random and forced me into doing something horrible because... I don't know! None of us know!
...Why me? Why did I get chosen for this? I can see it in the others. Even Yue can do it, now that she's seen just what Core Beasts are capable of, but me? I'm just not capable. It's all I can do to hold them with my ribbon. I just can't, Ok? It's a good thing my weapon's non-lethal, or I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing.
I still remember the night my life was made into this mess. It wasn't a particularly special day or anything. It was normal. Go to school, hang out with my friends (who I've had just as much success staying in touch with as the other rangers, which isn't good. I hope Yuna's not mad at me), go do normal teenage girl stuff, come home, go to bed. It was night when the weird stuff started. I guess that hasn't changed.
It was around midnight when I woke up. I went from sound asleep to wide awake in a heartbeat. I didn't know why at the time. It was actually pretty creepy. I was a little scared of the dark back then. Some people said it was because I was immature, but nuh-uh! There are scary things in the dark! I know that for certain now. After all, my job is to hold them back.
So yeah, I was slightly scared. Slightly! But then I felt something. It's hard to describe in words, but I felt like I needed to be outside for some reason. I didn't really want to get out of bed, but the feeling just got stronger and stronger... I didn't really have a choice. I pulled some clothes on and felt my way out of my room.
I ran into Yue and Ku Fei in the hall, and Kaede and Asuna on the stairs. They all felt the same as I did, and none of us could explain it. But the feeling was still getting stronger, and we couldn't wait around to talk about it or think it through. We had to follow. I hope. Some days I wonder what would have happened if we'd resisted. Would they have let us go? I really don't have an answer to that one.
It was cold outside. That is why I was shaking, okay?! And even if I had been terrified by then, that would have been fine too. I mean, it was the middle of the night and we were being drawn out of our nice, warm, safe beds by some irresistible force. I half thought a vampire was going to show up to drink our blood. But no, what we got was worse than that, in a way. That was when 'They' showed up.
I don't know who 'They' are, or even what they look like, even after all this time. I remember a bright flash of light, and then we were floating in this white void. Well, that's what Yue called it. 'They' started speaking, telling us that we'd been chosen, that we were special, and if we could just go kill these evil demons now, that'd be peachy, Kthxbai.
Well, ok, they were a little more wordy than that, but that's pretty much all they actually said. Oh, no, wait, they may have said 'You may find this uncomfortable' just before they put us in touch with the power. Uncomfortable wasn't even in the same country as how that felt.
It was like my mind was ripped open, one thought at a time, and then connected up to the city power grid and lit up like a Sparkler. And then my lungs were ripped out and filled with water, while my heart was wired up to an mp3 system and used as a speaker. It hurt. A lot. And it felt like it went on forever. I didn't think it was going to end.
I don't know how long I was out for. I don't even remember losing consciousness. But eventually I came back to myself, still floating in that void near all the others. Except now I felt weird. I had senses I'd never felt before, my muscles were stronger, my head was clearer... I felt wonderful. It was quite an emotional swing.
That nice feeling lasted about two seconds, until they started talking again. They said it was done, that we were now far more powerful than we had been before. Then they told us that we would be able to sense Core Beasts as soon as we returned home, and that it was our duty to destroy them. We didn't like that part. I learnt a few new swear words from the yelling Asuna and Ku Fei gave them. But it didn't change anything, and they made it perfectly clear that if we didn't, people would die. That shut us up, and they took that as some form of acceptance, or else they were done with us anyway, and booted us back to earth.
We didn't have time to talk right then. 'They' were right, we could sense the Core Beasts as soon as our feet were back on solid ground. It's an awful feeling, a kind of supernatural wrongness. We had to at least see what sort of monster was causing that.
And it was a monster. I don't remember what it looked like really, I've seen a lot of Cores since then, but they're all pretty hideous. And our quick look turned into a battle for our lives. We had no idea what we were doing, or just how far our limits had been pushed, so it was incredibly lucky that we didn't really hurt ourselves, or anyone passing by. The Power really does make us super human. It's frightening.
After the first night, I wanted to quit. And after the second, and the third. Even now, I still want to quit. And I could, I suppose. Just ignore the Core sense when it activates, let the others take care of them. I could do that. The others have even offered to let me do that. It's very tempting.
But I can't. Not really. I could never let the others down like that. None of us like our job, they just cope with it better than me. It wouldn't be fair to dump it all on them. Besides, they do need me. Me and my ribbon have saved the day lots. It's not pleasant, and I'll never be happy about it, but I'll keep doing it as long as I can. I can't let them down.
Today was a nice day. We made a lot of money off the fighting (I try to get into the spirit of that, but I don't think they buy it. Ku keeps covering my eyes during the really bloody bits), Saw a fun show, ate good food, and I hung out with four really great friends. But now the sun's about to set, and it's all at an end. Any second now the Power is going to come rushing through me, and I'll feel the Cores start to appear all over Mahora. Then it's off for another long night of fighting.
Why can't everyone get along? Baka Pink, reporting for duty. Heh.
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(Posted Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:19)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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