"Follow me, companions!" the human paladin shouted as he let his trusty war hammer descend on the skulls of the serpentine guardians of Coilfang Reservoir. "The Light is with us! Together, we shall rid this part of the world from the evil Naga!"
With battlecries, the other 24 members of the Alliance group that had accompanied the paladin stormed through the pumping station of the Naga. The Naga Sirens and Myrmidons standing in their way tried with all their might to stop them, but they were being smashed by warriors, scorched by mages, impaled by rogues, shot by hunters and mauled by transformed druids.
"This way!" the paladin yelled and raised his weapon. "This time, the ruthless reptiles will see no mercy! Come, their vile leader is this way! We shall slay her and nevermore shall their presence plague Outland!"
Together, the raid group stormed into the innermost chamber of the Serpentshrine Cavern with drawn weapons and spells ready, intent on eradicating the evil Naga that was awaiting them, the henchwoman of Illidan Stormrage.
But, just a short moment later, the group became very quiet when the humans, dwarves and elves looked around the room in confusion.
It was completely empty... except for one little creature that was standing in front of them.
"What... what is the meaning of this?" a mage mumbled. "Where is the Naga leader? And what kind of creature is that?"
"It... it almost looks like a mushroom..." a female elven druid murmured.
The small Sporeling smirked at the raid party.
"I'm terribly sorry... but our Lady is in another castle!"
Lady Vashj chuckled to herself when she imagined the looks on the faces of the Alliance fools that had dared to invade the Coilfang Reservoir. By the time they reached her chambers, she would already be on her way to her Lord Illidan.
The six-armed Naga sea witch and her entourage were on their way to the Black Temple... to inform their lord that their preparations in the reservoir were complete.
"Lady Vashj," one of her myrmidon guards hissed as he slithered up to her. "Was it wise to leave the reservoir to the surface dwellers?"
"They won't find anything of interest in there," Vashj smiled. "They won't get control of the pumps without this." And she reached up with one of her six hands to touch the gleaming, bright blue crystal that was dangling from her neck. "And if they try to destroy them... well, that will trigger my trap."
"What kind of trap, mylady?" a siren smiled. "Something devious, I'm sure?"
"Oh, nothing too fancy," Vashj laughed. "It will just trigger a mechanism that will open the flood gates... and since the poor surface dwellers never learned to breathe under water..."
The sea witch's laughter was joined by that of her personal guardians as they continued to slither through the Zangarmarsh swamp, on their way to Shadowmoon Valley and the Black Temple, where their Lord Illidan was waiting for them.
They didn't expect any problems on their way, since the only group of Alliance adventurers had been lured into the Coilfang Reservoir, and there was no alarming Horde presence in the marsh at the moment.
Therefore, it was an even bigger surprise to Vashj when, all of a sudden, a tiny man with wrinkled skin appeared in front of her and her guards. For a moment, she believed him to be a gnome.
The gnomish man grinned as his eyes sparkled. "Pretty lady..."
"How foolish of you to get in our way, Alliance scum!" a myrmidon hissed as he raised his trident.
"You ever felt a lightning bolt hit you where the sun don't shine?" a female Naga cackled as she charged an electric spell in her hands.
But Happosai wasn't worried by the hostile snakemen. His gaze wandered up and down the bodies of Vashj and her sirens.
"Well, a bit too scaly for my tastes, but not too shabby... at least you look much better than those two-headed ogres I met..."
Vashj blinked in surprise.
"My lady, that... was that just an insult... or a compliment?" the siren next to her whispered.
"Step out of our way, gnome!" Vashj hissed. "You're not worth our time!"
Happosai didn't reply. Instead, his eyes wandered down the sea witch's body. "Dangit, no panties?" he whined as he saw her lower snake torso. "Oh well... but maybe I can take your bra. Would you horribly mind?"
That was the final straw. "KILL THE PERVERTED GNOME!" Vashj yelled as she raised her bow. The other female Naga didn't really need an invitation to strike, they channeled all their feminine pride and outrage into their magic and fired their spells at the diminutive form of the perverted master of Anything Goes.
Happosai giggled as he skipped, jumped and bounced to evade the arrows and spells of the Naga. "Missed me! Too bad! Oops, was that supposed to hit?"
The male myrmidons felt a bit left out. "Um, excuse me, my lady..." their captain said in an uncertain voice. "Are we supposed to do something?"
"STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTION AND KILL THE OLD FREAK!" Vashj yelled.
And then, she felt something zip past her... and suddenly, it felt a bit drafty around her upper body.
While blood came spurting out of the male Naga's nostrils, the sirens cried out in horror: "Lady Vashj, cover yourself!"
The sea serpent quickly covered her breasts with two of her six arms. Never before had she been this humiliated before. "G-get him, you fools!" she squeaked.
Happosai, however, was already on the retreat. While he was fleeing, he only stopped here and there to fondle a siren's body. He then jumped up on a big boulder and took a deep sniff from the yellow bikini top he was holding.
"Hmmm... a bit fishy, but not too bad!" he cackled... and jumped in the air just when a well-aimed blast of lightning hit the boulder he was sitting on. Laughing to himself, Happosai kept running, until he had managed to shake off the pursuing snake creatures.
"Well, that was funny," he said to himself. "Too bad I haven't run into human beauties with soft skin yet... oh well, but this is Outland, what can I expect?"
Humming to himself, he snuggled Lady Vashj's top close to his body, before hiding it in his clothes.
"Well, since I'm here again, I might as well try to find good old Akama... he always was happy to share a drink with me, every time I came for a visit..."
Humming happily, Happosai continued his way through Outland, only stopping here and there to pummel a little beast that made the mistake of attacking the old pervert.
"Bweeeee..."
Ryoga was not in good spirits. He was wet, in his cursed form... and of course, lost again.
Escaping from those women with the purple skin and the pointy ears - from what he knew from Cairne, those must have been Night Elves - hadn't been too easy, especially not since the forest was their home and it had taken him several hours until he found the way out of the woods.
Later, he had strayed through the Barrens, hoping to meet someone that would finally show him the way to Mulgore. So he was lost in a faraway, magical world, fine! But in that case, he wanted to be with someone he knew at least... and Chieftain Cairne of the Bloodhoof tribe was the only one who fell in that category.
Too bad he had stumbled into that tribe of four-legged horse men. They weren't too tough, but they made him stumble into the oasis they were guarding. And as a small, black piglet, the Barrens suddenly seemed much bigger than normally.
Ryoga hoped he'd find some sort of human settlement - or ANY settlement, for that matter - so he could turn himself back to normal with some hot water.
But while the next being he ran into had two legs, it still wasn't a human... or a Tauren.
Gorsha was big and strong, even for an Orc. But she also had a big heart, and she loved all the cute, fuzzy, scaly and crawly critters that were living on Kalimdor. So it was no wonder that the young, inexperienced Orc had chosen to become a hunter.
And just a few hours ago, she had been taught how to catch a wild animal and tame it as a pet. And now she couldn't wait to find a little guy who could become her best friend.
When the towering Orc woman saw Ryoga's porcine form, a big smile appeared on her face. "Oh, a little piggy! How cute!"
She was a bit disappointed that it wasn't a full-grown boar, then she could have used it as a pet.
"Oh well, he would still make the cutest little companion if I caught him... come here, little fella!"
Ryoga thought of running away... but when the green-skinned woman held out her hand and moved it hypnotically in front of him, he found that he couldn't move... he was enthralled by the gestures she made.
Gorsha smiled. "Good, little piggy! Just you wait, you and I will be the bestest friends... and I will snuggle and cuddle you until you're out of breath!"
'Well, every world seems to have its Azusa...' Ryoga thought. 'But why is it me who always runs into these weirdos?'
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(Posted Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:18)
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