"Errr," said Ranma, now well and truly off balance. He'd never met these people. They all swore they knew him. He'd passed out briefly after the crash though, so could something have happened? He didn't think so.
"Man," said the spiky-haired blonde kid. "How could anyone forget THAT?!"
"You conveniently forgot about you humiliating me?" growled the black-haired boy. "About dragging me back to the village after I fought Naruto?!"
"That and Sakura getting drunk while you were in the hospital, deciding she had to reward Ranma, and ending up getting married to him," said Naruto. "Man, what a mess THAT was. It's a good thing I teamed up with Hinata on that though."
Ranma made a couple of helpless gestures as the pink-haired girl began crying in earnest. "Aw. I... that is... someone want to clue me in?"
"It can't be helped," said Kakashi, gesturing for Ranma to follow him. "Over here. Less interruptions this way."
He'd scooted past Akane, moving so fast that her attacks had just landed on empty air.
Then he'd gathered up Nabiki in his hands, and kissed her despite Nabiki's struggles.
Akane could see the motion of his tongue in Nabiki's mouth, as it caressed its way down her throat, as the hint of motion indicated it worked its way down her esophagus.
"Ah, mon chere, you are such a sweet little thing," said Hapxier as he released Nabiki. "How nice. How sweet."
"gurkle gag," managed an ashen Nabiki as she collapsed into a little heap.
"You're not going to try that with ME," declared Akane as she charged to the attack.
Her punch was perfect, combining her forward momentum with the force of the strike. It landed perfectly against the lipstick-wearing fool's chin.
- and it did absolutely nothing.
"WHAT?!" asked Akane, momentarily still in shock.
That was all the opening Hapxier needed.
Akane screamed, opening her mouth, just before Hapxier's lips claimed hers in her First Kiss. Before that tongue caressed teeth and tongue and oral cavity. Before the tongue of Hapxier reached down further and further, caressing and stroking its way down.
Akane's struggles gradually stilled and she was only aware of her body in a distant manner as she collapsed onto the ground.
"When you came to our village," said Kakashi, "it was a turbulent time. Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke had just gone off to attend the chunin exam."
"I'm pretty sure I've never met any of you," put in Ranma.
"Yes, your memories were wiped by Akatsuki," said Kakashi. "In any case, you got involved with the Hidden Leaf Village at that point when you appeared in the forest in the midst of an exam and were promptly attacked by several groups of applicants."
"Sounds about like usual events," said Ranma.
"After you beat three of them off, evaded two more, and generally raising a ruckus," continued Kakashi, "most people just assumed you were another obstacle added to the test and that there'd been some sort of snafu in communications."
"Okay, I could see that happening," said Ranma, not conceding that he had been anywhere he hadn't been.
"Eventually Sasuke decided to leave our village and go deal with a traitor named Orochimaru whom you'd already gotten on the bad side of." Kakashi shrugged at this point, apparently not sure of the details himself. "So when Sasuke decided to betray the village and go off by himself, Shikamaru headed one squad to go after Sasuke officially. You, however, decided to grab a group and go after him yourself - as apparently Sasuke had beaten you in one fight and you were spoiling for some payback."
"Hey, he never met me - much less defeated me," said Ranma.
Kakashi just used his uncovered eye to gimlet-stare at Ranma for a moment before continuing. "Your experiences with our village pretty much clued you in that you have your areas of less expertise. While Kiba, Naruto, Neji, and Choji comprised one team - you chose Hinata, Tenten, Yugao, and Hana Inuzuka."
"Why would I need them?" asked Ranma.
"Hana has three dogs and is better than you at tracking, Hinata has the Byakugan technique - which can see traps and through walls, Yugao Uzuki is a skilled sword-wielder, Tenten excels at ranged attacks," said Kakashi. "In any case, after Naruto and his group met with certain problems - you fought an already exhausted Sasuke and pulled a new special technique out of apparently nowhere to defeat him."
"That DOES sound like me," admitted Ranma.
"It was pointed out that you weren't a member of the village, and some of the old men like Danzou were all for killing you so that you couldn't acquire any more of the Village's secret techniques," said Kakashi. "Sakura was getting drunk after visiting Sasuke in his cell and apparently he said a few things to her. She remembered the conversation about you, and apparently after drinking enough that she should have been comatose - she dragged you off to a marriage chapel - purportedly to save your life by bringing you into the village."
"Well," admitted Ranma, "at least that makes a little more sense than beating someone in a tournament and then having them come after you to marry you. So it ain't a real marriage then?"
"Oh no, it's a real marriage all right," said Kakashi. "Sakura made sure of that. Several times if all the moaning and screaming she did was any indication."
"Eh?" asked Ranma, on purpose not getting it.
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(Posted Wed, 24 Dec 2008 17:51)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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