“Listen up you feeble excuse for a gym class.” the naviru in army fatigues bellowed. “I am Miss Hertz, your new psycho head teacher, and it is my duty to whip you loosers into shape.” She had been told this, and taken it quite literally. “So when I crack my whip and say jump, you say, ‘how heigh?’! Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Miss Hertz,” the class replied larconically.
“I can’t hear you!” A crack of the whip added emphasis.
“YES, MISS HERTZ!”
“Better,” she growled. “Alright. Now, jump.”
“How high?” one bright spark asked.
“Over the bar and onto the mat. Snap too it!”
Heads craned upwards. “But that’s got to be…”
“No excuses, you miserable toads. No get hopping! I want to see…” Her head suddenly snapped around to stare off into the distance. Raising her arm, the whip lashed out. “You! Take charge of the class until I come back. I’ve got to… Go!”
Without further explaination, she charged off around the building.
“What was that about?” Yuka asked.
“I don’t know, do I,” Sayuri answered. “So… anyway, can someone lower the bar?”
“Not yet,” Akane objected, taking a running leap and … “owie!”
“See, much too high,” Sayuri noted without sympathy.
“I almost made it,” Akane insisted, limping off the mat. She winced.
Maybe it was something he’d eaten? He knew that changing back would fix whatever it was, but it sounded like thunder rumbling closer, so it was probably pointless. Though it was odd, because their wasn’t a rain cloud in sight and … the rumbling was coming around the corner.
Ranma turned his head in time to witness a whip-weilding woman in army fatigues charge around the building. She had a serious mad on, and the whip cracled with a corona of static electicity.
“You!” she lashed out. “What did you do to my little brother?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ranma yelped, dodging the whip and ducking out from the brick dust scattered from its sparking impact with the wall. ‘Nice technique.’ he admired, but… “Cheese, I don’t have time for this!”
The whip lashed around his ankle as he leapt for the tree line, and dragged him back to earth with a vengeance.
“No one hurts my little brother and escapes, girl!” Minerva vowed. “Where is he?!”
Ranma reached down, grapped the whipline, and tugged with a wrist snap intended to send her flying into the wall, figuring that if she could dish it out, she could take it.
It was like trying to move a tree.
“You’ll have to do better than that, little bitch,” Minerva sneered, and surged a bolt down the line.
Ranma grunted as a few thousand volts burned through him, then redoubled the effort and was rewarded by the purple haired woman making an impact in the wall. Ranma could actually move a tree with a little effort after all.
“I said I don’t have time for this,” he repeated, twirling about to release his foot. He dashed off with a parting shot, “and you should consider going on a diet, ya know.” Then it hit him.
“Why, how dare she?!” Minerva growled as she burst away from the wall crater and landed on the paving with a thud. “I’m sensitive about that!”
With a roar, she raced after Ranma, and rounded the corner to run into him.“What happened to you?” she demanded, encountering him peeling steaming noodles away from his face.
“Sorry” a voice drifted down from the home economics kitchen window.
“I…” Ranma began before his breath was crushed out of him and his head was locked into a very compromising position. Noodles slithered down between Minerva&rsqup;s cleavage while she suffocated him in marshmellow heaven.
“Well, let’s get you to the medib—First Aide Room as soon as possible,” Minerva decided, hands wandering in search of injury.
“I’m fine!” Ranma protested, pulling free and hastily checking the zone for eyewinesses. Was that a glint of a camera lens, or was he being paranoid. Of course, being paranoid didn’t mean the universe wasn’ out to get him. They were out there somewhere, watching, waiting…
“Oh, no. I insist. You must be throughly examined and–”
“It’s nothing,” Ranma interupted, flicking off a stray noodle. “A little boiling water never hurt nobody.”
“But, you absolutely must go…” Minerva protested.
“I don’t need to go nowhere,” Ranma interjected, then turned to escape. “I’m perfectly fine.”
“Oh, is that so?” Minerva reached out, pinched his ear, leaned in close and glared into his eyes. “In that case, little…young man, you are neglecting your psycho education. No excuses! Of to the training field where I shall whip you into shape.”
“But…”
The whip cracked. “Move out! Hup to it! Quick time, march!”
Minerva was secretly delighted to discover that Akane was injured. Well, maybe not entirely secretly. Akane frowned as a bit too much of her enthusiasm showed through but, in the end, Ranma was convinced to escort the injured to the nurse’s office.
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(Posted Thu, 10 Dec 2009 03:43)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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