High atop Mt. Olympus, beyond the sight of mortals and secured within a sub-dimension stood the Home of the Greek Gods. Sure, its splendor had dropped a bit, what without the constant attention from disciples and such, as the Greeks had fallen out of favor.
And of course one would also have to excuse the crudely drawn graffiti from the standard gang wars between them and the Romans.
But anyway, in truth the Gods did still exist, still looked over the mortals surrounding their home, and were now doing what they did every Saturday night.
“Well, Poseidon,” said Zeus, “Ares's mace had a +3 enchantment on it, which destroys your golem. Roll to see what damage you take.”
They were playing Advanced D&D.
“Damn it,” muttered Poseidon.
“Hey guys!” came the yell of Hermes, as he walked into the chamber, carrying a plate with five large bags of Doritos and four two-liter bottles of the nectar of the gods...
No, not ambrosia...
...
......
.........
Mountain Dew: Code Red!
“FOOD!” cried Dionysus, tearing into the Doritos.
“Must he always do that?” grumbled Hades. “You would think he had never consumed mortal food before.”
“At least he has to clean the die now every time he uses them,” muttered Ares before calling aloud, “Hey, Hermes!” Ares shouted over his shoulder, his hand motioning the Messenger God to come closer. “Did you get me the ‘Cool Ranch’ Flavor?”
Placing the bag down in front of the Grecian God of War, master of the Spartans—whom would quote Frank Miller's ‘300’ whenever he got the chance—the rather lanky God with winged boots replied, “Of course... but I learned something interesting while I was down there.”
“Bah!” Zeus shouted as he took one of the bottles of Mountain Dew. Untwisting the cap, he brought it to his mouth and reared his head back, guzzling the wonderful combination of caffeine, sugar and artificial flavoring. “There's nothing more important than our Weekend D&D session!
“And why do I never win a free Dew!?” he screamed, looking once again at the cap that said ‘SORRY TRY AGAIN’.
“Oh, but this is very important! I got a hot news flash from Missy,” Hermes said in a voice that conveyed a tone of ‘I-know-something-you-don't-know’.
“Missy?” Poseidon snorted. “That little hot-to-trot jailbait that runs the 7-11 you hang out at? What could SHE tell you that is of great importance to us Gods?”
Sighing Hermes turned towards the God of the Sea. “Yes, THAT Missy...” the Messenger God snorted. “It seems some hot-shot mortal Asian martial artist just went free agent! His last contract to a pair of Egyptian Goddesses was completed and now we have a new strong mortal on earth just waiting for a new patron...” he smirked and held up his hand. Three... two... one...
“GAME’S OVER!” Zeus said as he picked up his Dungeon Master board and threw it to the side, papers, chips, and die flying everywhere.
“HEY!” Poseidon shouted. “What about my saving throw!?”
The God of Greek Gods and Lighting glared at his younger brother. “Your character is horribly maimed and you die; spasming for a few minutes and shitting yourself upon death. Happy?”
Sulking, Poseidon couldn't help but mumble, “I prefer when Hades is Dungeon Master anyway...”
“Is any of this actually reliable?” asked Apollo. “Or do I need to remind you about the last mortal needing a patron?”
“That didn’t come from Missy,” offered Hermes. “That came from the Fates after someone spiked their drinks.”
The group slowly turned to face Dionysus.
“... What?” asked the God of Merriment. “You’re telling me they didn’t see that coming? Besides, it was the 70s, everyone was doing it.”
It was also why tequila was no longer allowed for those who had visions of the future.
“... Anyway,” started Hermes, “word on the street is this mortal made a deal with Bastet and Sekhmet to learn the true Nekoken.”
“I know of those two,” muttered Hephaestus.
“Oh, how?” asked Apollo.
“We go to the same support group,” sighed the God of the Forge. “Their husband ran off with the blond bitch.”
“That’s who she left me for?” demanded Ares.
“Focus, people!” yelled Zeus. “Hephaestus, you know of any of this?”
He shrugged. “Not much, just a few tidbits. They’ve been working with the mortal for almost four years, sending him off on a few other-world quests to earn the techniques.”
“Well, they finished teaching him,” smirked Hermes. “Right now, they’re waiting on word from a few nature and healing Gods and Goddesses to see if a potion they had him acquire will allow him to use it.”
“But the original contract was for what?” asked Apollo.
“To learn the Nekoken,” smirked Hermes.
“Definitely not the spirit of the contract, but it is by the word of it,” offered Hephaestus.
Zeus pounded the marble table, nearly cracking it. “This boy must be partnered with us! I don’t give a damn if he is still tied to the Egyptians! We must get to him and gain his allegiance!”
“You’re just saying that because you don’t want the Roman Gods hanging it over our heads,” sighed Hades.
“DAMN RIGHT!” bellowed Zeus. “We cannot allow those copy-catting bastards to take this from us!”
“Oh look,” smirked Ares, looking at the cap of his Dew. “I got another free Dew.”
His fellow Gods backed away from him as electricity sparked around Zeus. It was poor choice to tease Zeus when he was in such a mood, especially about the Dew.
“So,” muttered Hephaestus, poking his flash-fried sibling, “should we inform the Goddesses?”
Zeus just snorted. “If they can’t make it to D&D night, it is their loss!”
“Yes, I’m sure Hera will understand,” snorted Apollo. “Just like she did in the 70s.”
“...Me damn it,” muttered Zeus as he pulled out a cell phone.
Artemis sighed as she sat in the Corridor, waiting for clearance to travel through it and deep into China. For some reason, a group of her worshippers were there—and amazing still active, despite what the other Gods had to deal with—and were making frantic pleas to her.
“Well, it better be good,” she sighed. The Chinese deities were such pains at times, especially since they were included in many anime and Hollywood movies.
“Hercules just had to rub it in he had his own show,” she grumbled, as a member of the Chinese Court approached her.
Bowing, the dainty woman spoke. “You have been granted clearance to visit your tribe in our lands. All that is asked is that they include your counterpart in our Court during this visit.”
Artemis nodded. Ares would have thrown a fit, which was why she left him out of this and came when the other Gods were playing D&D. It will have to do until I can convince them to relocate back to Greece. “You wouldn’t happen to know exactly what occurred, would you?”
The attendant nodded. “I know only a little. It has created quite the stir among those in the Pantheon. Apparently, one of their laws angered a young warrior-mage. I know nothing else aside from that.”
“More than I got,” shrugged Artemis. “Probably one of the idiotic rules my brother slips into their dogma at times. Likely nothing serious…”
“What is your problem now, Boy?” asked Genma.
Ranma looked around. “Pops, why did I just get a strong chill down my back?” he asked suspiciously.
“I AIN’T DONE NOTHING!” cried Genma, quickly going into the all-too-familiar Möko Rakuchi-sei.
“A likely story,” muttered Sekhmet.
Read the comments on this episode
See other episodes by The Demented Redhead
(Posted Thu, 11 Jun 2009 21:37)
Questions? Problems? Suggestions?
Send a mail to addventure@bast-enterprises.de
or use the contact form.
らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
All other series and their characters are © by their respective creators or owners. No claims of ownership of these characters are implied by the authors of this Addventure, or should be inferred.
The Anime Addventure is a non-profit site.