Clutching the bento (packed with the feelings of a young girl's heart, shannaro!) nervously, Sakura was just about to offer it to Sasuke when the interruption came with a roar.
"So, you're that 'Sakura-chan' Naruto-bozu likes."
The woman had spiky pink hair, a scarf and leather cap, and was sitting astride some kind of sputtering contraption with clouds of dust still settling around its small, odd looking wheels. She pushed a pair of goggles up onto her forehead to reveal golden eyes with slit pupils as she stood, leaned in FAR TOO CLOSE to peer at the girl's face, and sniffed dubiously.
Flabbergasted and fighting the sudden irrational urge to check her armpits, it was all she could do to stutter out, "Y-yes, I'm Haruno Sakura. Um... pleased ... to meet you?"
"Not much spirit," the apparition commented, before snatching the box lunch from shock-loosened fingers. "Let's see your cooking."
Outrage shoved suprise out of the way for long enough to shout, "Hey, that bento is for Sauke-kun! Give it back, you thief!"
"Better, better," the stranger mumbled, whisking the cloth wrapping off with a flick despite the carefully tied knot. In a blur the contents disappeared, rice, veggies, fish, heart-shaped sauce doodle, and all. "Cooking: bland," she declared tossing the empty box over a shoulder, carelessly beaning the Uchiha scion smirking at his fangirl's misfortune. He fell on his ass with a thump and clutched his forehead.
The woman belched and wiped a few stray grains of rice on her cuff before crossing her arms and wrinkling her nose contemplatively.
Blank eyed with shock again, Sakura barely reacted as the older girl stepped behind her and felt her biceps. "Not much muscle," was the verdict. Questing hands slid forward, then down to her hips, and a massive blush rose on the student kunoichi's face. "Flat and scrawny," the slightly nasal voice reported. Then the wierd stranger was in front of her again, still looking at Sakura like something scraped off the sole of her shoe. "Is she at least a good kisser?" she wondered, turning to Sasuke to ask, "You're the one she's been chasing up to now, how is this girl at mouth-to-mouth?"
Still clutching at the rapidly swelling mark on his forehead, the boy snarled, "Feh, kiss her yourself and find out, you violent pervert woman. Ow, dammit, it feels like that box cracked my skull!"
Brushing his hands away she took the projecting nub between finger and thumb and tugged sharply. "Aw, it's just a toothpick," she told him, before using it to flick a bit of pickled daikon out from between her teeth. Somehow Sasuke felt like curling into a ball and crying in shame.
Sakura was still rooted to the ground, failing to process the situation as the woman turned to her once more and huffed.
She discarded the toothpick and wiped her lips again, musing, "Well, like they say, if you want something done right..."
Moving with that same strange, unavoidable speed and almost boneless grace, she stepped in, tipped the younger girl's head back, and laid on a good thirty seconds of liplock. Coming up for air, the stranger sighed and made a disappointed moue.
Watching from across the schoolyard, Kiba and several other boys were knocked over backward by the force of sudden nosebleeds.
Patting the now slightly teary-eyed girl on the head, she told her, "Don't worry too much, that takes practice." The scowl on the woman's face softened as she brushed Sakura's long pink bangs back and ran one callused fingertip across her forehead. "I do like your hair, though, and there's obviously some good potential for the N. O. hijutsu..."
Suddenly sporting a manic grin, the older pink haired girl reared back and proclaimed, "OK! Under the name of Uzumaki, I, Uzumaki Haruko, pronounce you Bridal Candidate #1! Arranged marriage interview, APPROVED!"
"Eh! Eh? EH!?" Sakura sputtered.
Ino stopped smacking Shikamaru for being a pervert, and fell over herself laughing.
Hinata collapsed in a dead feint, just out of sight around a corner.
Haruko nodded descisively, hopped back on her scooter, and putted off.
Iruka walked out of the Academy building and asked, "What's going on here, lunch time is over. Everyone, back to class!"
Sakura was still frozen where she stood. "Muh... My... first kiss..." she stammered.
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(Posted Mon, 21 Sep 2009 07:55)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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