Gnarl's eyes went wide. There was no escaping now. That much was for sure. Teleportation took a couple seconds to pull off, which was enough time for the demonic engine of destruction to cut him in half length wise. No. There was only one possibility of survival here.
He would have to pull out his last ditch technique, the final effort he always reserved for when he had no other option.
“Please don't kill me!” He cried in a high, frantic voice as he knelt to the ground and hugged the keeper's leg, ignoring his painful, creaking bones. I'll serve you loyally and without question, Master, just please don't kill me!”
While most of the 'greater' races would problem refuse to stoop to such a level of personal humiliation, Gnarl liked to consider it another mark of Goblin superiority. Let the Trolls and Dark Elves have their pride. He'd happily loot the bodies once they died horribly with their pride intact. Groveling was a survival skill, and as such he liked to consider himself a master of that fine art.
“Keeper,” the Horned Reaper all but purred in a most disturbing fashion, “Would you like me to remove that thing from your leg?”
Naruto grimaced looking down at the wrinkly gray creature that was hanging onto him for dear life. While he was pretty pissed at him, after all, he really didn't hold him any real lasting malice. After all, if there was one thing that the Reaper had managed to get across was that the underworld was as dog eat dog as the most brutal and underhanded parts of his own chosen vocation. Could he blame him? Besides, killing him now would be like kicking a wounded puppy.
“Horny, do you really want to kill something this pathetic?” Naruto asked looking down at the groveling creature with unveiled contempt.
“Yes! I'm pathetic!” Gnarl chimed in, “I'm not worth the effort it would take to kill me!”
The Reaper snarled and snorted, a cloud of steam escaping his nostrils. “Do you have any idea what its like to have nothing to k-k-k-kill for centuries!? I enough to make a demon turn a mite peculiar!”
Naruto glanced over. “Considering I'm not a homicidal maniac, no, I don't.” Looking down he added. “So, considering you just tried to kill me, could you remind me why am I not letting Horny here skin you alive?”
“Don't call me that!”
Naruto ignored the rampaging engine of destruction behind him and kept his eye on the elderly goblin.
“I'm a capable warlock well versed in the comings and goings of the underworld and I have an entire tribe of Goblins at my command! Let me become your loyal henchmen, and not only will you have access to my magic and my experience, but my army will be yours to command! Think of it, hundreds of crazed goblins swarming your enemies, gleefully stabbing and smashing, destroying everything in their path in a frenzy of wild carnage! Oh! It just makes me shudder to think about it!”
“You're sounding a bit excited down there,” Naruto said in a deadpan tone. “If you start humping my leg, I'll kill you myself. Get off.”
The Goblin jumped free and nodded, grimacing as he stood back up. Oh, he'd feel this in the morning, that was for sure!
Naruto slowly turned to the demon, “Well, what do you think?”
“Personally, I think you should let me slaughter the lot of them,” The demon replied, “But as I doubt you'll accept the answer, I think we should keep them. Goblins on a rampage are always fun to watch. Not as much as fun as doing it yourself mind you, but still entertaining none the less.”
“Useful too!” Gnarl added. “And well trained! Goblins are consummate scavengers. They'll happily go through any old pile of junk and pick out anything useful, valuable, interesting, or amusing. Just make sure none of it is especially fragile. Some level of smashing does tend to be involved as a rule. Don't worry though, they'll always leave the best loot to you, even without having to be tortured into giving it up! Most goblins are very simple in their interests. Most have little interest in collecting riches beyond the paltry amount they need to keep in snacks and beer.”
Naruto sighed. “Fine, but how do I know you're not going to stab me in the back?”
“I'll swear loyalty to you of course, Keeper,” Gnarl replied.
“Fine...,” Naruto replied.
Gnarl nodded and closes his eyes. For a long moment they simply stood in place before he cracked his good eye and looked up. “Well?”
“Well what?”
Gnarl sighed. He really was green, wasn't he? “Keepers magically tag their minions,” he stated, “It offers several boons to both sides of the agreement. The Keeper may summon the minion from danger or teleport them at will and remotely cast a number of spells on them across a great distance. It also allows the Keeper to discipline them and enforces loyalty, and allows them to access the magical functions of their keepers dungeon and keeps them from being targeted by any traps.”
Naruto scowled. He didn't like the sound of that. “Taging” people. It reminded him of the Cursed Seal. This frowned deepened as the Heart filled the gaps in on what tagging a minion entailed. It basically was a Cursed Seal that basically gave him the power of life and death over someone at his whim. It was almost as bad as the Caged Bird Seal! Even more revolting was the fact, that was clearly pointed out, that he could force people who'd otherwise be his enemies to join him. Torture them long enough and most people will accept anything to escape the torment, and once they were marked they were yours.
The only reason he didn't dismiss the idea outright was the 'flaw' in the Cursed Seal could be removed if the person with it became angry enough to fight off the loyalty compulsion, they could simply quit and the seal would fade over time.
He sighed and looked down at the ugly gray monkey thing that tried to kill him, and with a though a magical seal burned itself into his arm.
“YEOUCH!” Gnarl cried out holding his smoking arm. “Did you have to make it hurt so much?”
“Yes,” Naruto replied. “Now I should mark all your subordinates.”
Gnarl sighed and nodded. He'd been hoping that he could maybe gloss over that part. Oh well. “I'll assemble them,” he glanced at one of his mother minions. “Giblit! You heard the keeper! Move it!”
The aforementioned goblin, one of Gnarl's most experienced, and thus, least blatantly idiotic subordinates nodded and ran off to assemble the others.
“So,” Gnarl asked. “What would you like to do next, Keeper?”
“I don't get a chance to kill something soon, I'm going to go on a rampage.” Horny stated bluntly.
The elderly goblin grimaces and stepped out of scythe distance. “Yes, well, if you want to do an Act of Infamy, there's a Inn in the nearby town that serves as a popular assembly point and place of rest for all kinds of goodly heroes and,” he grimaces, “self-declared champions of light.”
“Hold on,” Naruto asked, “An act of what?”
Gnarl sighed. Didn't this kid know anything? “An Act of Infamy is a gleefully evil deed committed to steal something valuable, despise of enemies, or just for sheer entertainment value. Among other things, they build up your reputation among both friends and foes as a forced to be reckoned with, and more and more powerful minions will flock to your banner. Be careful though, that you don't over do it. If you make too great a nuisance of yourself or anger the wrong person, you could end up dealing with heroes being sent to 'purge your taint' if you will.”
“So you're saying I could burn down that Inn and it would build up my reputation?”
“Yes,” Gnarl replied, “Or we could explore this abandoned dungeon. Tales tell of a great hidden treasure that has never been claimed.”
Naruto frowned. What to do? Taking a deep breath he decided.
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(Posted Sun, 13 Sep 2009 02:33)
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