Naruto slowly knelt down in front of a massive pile of gems and golds, reaching down and picking up a handful before letting it fall through his fingers back onto the small mountain from which he'd lifted it. He smiled as he thought back to the things he could have done with this amount of raw cash back home. First thing he probably would have done was to buy a bath tub full of Ramin, then he'd hirer the three finest concubines in the capitol and lived out the scene in Chapter 5 of Ero-sennin's second book.
It was completely mind blowing hot, and while most people wouldn't think it was like him, you didn't travel with the Elemental Nations' most infamous Super Pervert for over a year without picking up particularities of your own. It was just that unlike his master, Naruto was bright enough to keep most of his own secret 'quirks' just that. Admittedly though, it had taken much effort to pervert him. After all, anyone who thought the creator of the Oiroke no Jutsu was innocent when it came to sex was fooling themselves.
The amount of porn he'd had to look at to get that form exactly right was absolutely mind boggling.
Still, with the amount of time he'd spent meditating on the subject of his Dungeon Heart he'd been able to figure out a number of the basic rooms. Some of the more complicated ones he wasn't quite sure about, but he was ready to build up a proper inner dungeon. Hell, he'd even dug out most of the chambers in his boredom. The only thing that had held him back was money, as he'd been unable to find much in the way of gems or gold to pay for it. Now he supposed he'd have to reclaim this old dungeon as his own too, and that meant rebuilding walls, reclaiming rooms, and some such. That would take time and money too. Thankfully though, it seemed he had both of those in great abundance.
“Halt!” a deep weary voice cried out from the depths of the cash. “Who goes there?”
Naruto blinked and stepped back while Horny growled and smashed the bottom of his scythe against the floor, making its blade swing to the ready. The demon growled and slowly started to stalk about. “Show yourself,” he said, “So I can cut you to pieces!”
“Horniculus?” The voice asked, “Is that you?”
Horny pulled back and blinked in surprise. There was a laugh and what looked like a thick white mist in the vague form of a man floated in front of the demon. “By the festering pits of the Infernal Abyss, it really is you!”
The demon blinked for a moment then began to laugh, literally bent over with amusement. Naruto didn't get the joke, and it was pretty creepy seeing the big red engine of destruction laughing so hard that it looked like he was about to cry.
“Well, old man,” the demon laughed. “I see your precautions worked after all. Not quite what you expected though, was it?”
“Horny, who is this?” Naruto asked coolly.
“Yes,” Gnarl added as he walked forward. “Not a very healthy looking ghost now is it? Pretty weedy I'd say.”
“Well done, Keeper,” the ghost replied glancing over to Gnarl. “You're trained it to speak. Does your pet do any other tricks? Fetch, boy! Rollover!”
Gnarl sneered and pulled back his hand. Slowly a ball of energy began to compress into a glowing light in his palm.
“Oh, magic! This one really is well trained, abet rather dumb. You can't hurt a ghost with magic.”
“No,” Gnarl replied, “But I bet its real unpleasant.”
“Gnarl,” Naruto snapped, “Quit it.”
Gnarl glared slightly and shrunk back grumbling about uppity ghosts.
“Horny, who the hell is this?” Naruto continued.
The demon laughed again. “This pathetic specter of his former self is the 'Dread Keeper' Lundar, or rather, what's left of him.”
“Horny, I'm wounded,” the spirit all but purred, “No kindness for your former leader?”
“Kindness?” The demon laughed. “I always detested you. You were always too weedy for my taste. A shifty arrogant git who couldn't hold up his own end.”
“What,” The spirit replied sarcastically, “And this kid,” he pointed at Naruto, “Is any real difference? I mean look at him. You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this one.”
“Hey!” Naruto growled.
Horny simply smiled. “Actually, I like this one. He did something you never were able to. He almost struck me down in personal combat.”
The ghost went immediately silent, then he began to chuckle. “My, my... I am impressed. I guess it was you that dealt with the door now wasn't it?”
Naruto nodded. “Yeah, it was. So what the hell is going on here. If you're a Keeper, and you're dead, how are you still here?”
“Ah yes, that,” the ghost sighed. “Long ago I came across a rather interesting ritual where you can bind a fragment of your soul to an object to serve as a physical anchor in this world to prevent you from passing on to the next when you die. I've seen the Infernal Abyss so in order to ensure that I do not end up trapped in that foul place, being tormented for an eternity I decided to try it so I used to ritual,” the ghost made a sighing sound. “I made one slight miscalculation though. In my arrogance I assumed that my spirit would be able to made full use of the power of the item to which it is bound. As such, I used the most powerful, most precious, most indestructible magical item in my possession as the anchor. My portal gem. I assumed I'd be able to use it. Even without a body, the ability to control space time via a portal gem is still a formidable ability and would have provided me with the means of acquiring a new form. As you can tell, I thought wrong, and now its been so long that I've actually forgotten what being alive is like.”
Naruto nodded slowly. “So, I have this really powerful magical artifact but if I want to use it I'm stuck with you.”
“You know,” Gnarl remarked, “If you really wanted to, you could probably find someone who could break his bond to the gem. After all, its a very powerful artifact and I doubt some johnny come lately immortality ritual can beat that!”
“Hold on now, Keeper!” the ghost said frantically, “I can tell by the look of you,” he glanced to Gnarl, “And your current company you're just starting off. I was one of the most successful Dungeon Keepers of my age. I know a great deal about how the underworld operates and how to keep a successful dungeon. I could be your Mentor! With me by your side, giving you advice and helping to temper your decisions with my wisdom, you'll be spoken of with fear across both the Underworld and the sun lit lands above in no time!”
“He doesn't need you,” Gnarl remarked. “You've been locked in a vault for a millennia. I've been around for a damned long time. I've seen just about every part of the Underworld worth seeing, worked with many of the major powers, and I've been a leader for a good long time. He doesn't need your advice!”
“Ahem.”
“Have you ever been a Dungeon Keeper? No? Didn't think so. Its very different than leading a rag tag lot of rampaging goblins across the country side.”
“Ahem!”
“I really can't see how,” Gnarl replied. “Most of the fundamentals are the same. Sure, you have better special effects, but the basics are...”
“Nothing a like!” the ghost cut in. “A Dungeon Heart is an extremely powerful magical object with a great number of powers related directly to the control and organization of...”
“Shut up both of you!” Naruto growled. “Listen, you both have your points and I think both of you could be useful as advisors or something.” He looked to Gnarl. “You, you've been leading your band of goblins and dealing with all kinds of other minions in person for a long time, right?”
“Yes,” Gnarl replied.
“Alright then, I'll need a guy to keep an eye on that kind of stuff for me. How about I make you my Minion Master or something like that. You know how to do it so I'll let you do it, I'll listen to your advice too, but don't expect me to follow you blindly. I'm the boss.”
Gnarl smiled. “Does this 'Minion Master' role come with a paycheck and a private room?”
Naruto shrugged. “Sure, why the hell not.”
Gnarl laughed. “You can count on me, Master! I'll get this misriable lot whiped into shape in no time!”
Naruto nodded. “Good,” He turned on the ghost. “As for you, I have no idea what I'm doing here and I bet you know all kinds of strange stuff that most people alive have forgotten or simply never knew. I'll take you up on that Mentor role. It'll be helpful having someone to help me run the place, just don't think I'm going to do what you tell me.”
“Never dreamed of it, Keeper” the ghost replied.
“And what about me?” Horny asked with a raise eyebrow.
“You're be big scary demon that I keep on a short leash and point at people to show them I'm mean business. And some times, if they don't think I'm serious, I'll let you off the leash just to show everyone that I am,” Naruto replied, thinking back to how the ANBU operated. They were the Hokage's attack dogs who did the really nasty stuff, and he guessed that Horny could do the same for him.
The demon grinned. “I hope that's not all you expect me to do.”
“No,” Naruto replied, “I'll want you to help fight with my armies. Hell, I bet you'd be a lot of help training them too.”
Horny laughed and Gnarl grimaced. “I'm not sure that's a good idea.”
“Don't worry, he's not going to kill anyone in training,” Naruto's eyes narrowed. “Right?”
Horny laughed again, “I'll only make them wish I had.”
Naruto nodded. “And you're not going to 'accidentally' kill any of my minions, right?”
Horny scowled slightly. “You know, you're really taking all of the fun out of this job.”
“Hey, we can still spar,” Naruto replied.
“Fair enough.”
Naruto nodded. “Alright, so where's this Portal Gem.”
The ghost hovered onto a pillar in the corner. “Here.”
Naruto walked over and looked down. On the rotten remains of a long decayed pillow lay a brilliant, blue gem cut into the shape of a hexagon. It glowed with inner light and had an almost palpable aura of power. It was mounted in a simple gold amulet and attached to a gold chain.
Slowly Naruto looked over to the Ghost and frowned. “If I put this on, I won't get possessed, right?”
The ghost shook its head. “No. Possessing a Dungeon Keeper is virtually impossible. They're simply too powerful to attempt such a thing. Most who try find them under the Keeper's thrall in stead, if their minds are not simply shattered by the experience.”
Naruto nodded and put the Portal Gem amulet on, next to Horny's amulet.
“So, what now?” Naruto asked aloud.
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(Posted Tue, 22 Sep 2009 10:13)
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