“Panda Man I kill!”
Shampoo launched herself at Genma, her twin chúi out and ready for a strike to his head.
“Shampoo! No!”
Cologne tensed her legs in preparation for leaping after her great-granddaughter, intent on stopping her, when she found herself suddenly flying in the opposite direction. Not prepared for an attack, she couldn't control her flight and tumbled through the air like a badly thrown football. She smashed into the far wall with enough force to make her vision flare white from the pain and crumpled to the ground in a heap, her staff clattering down beside her.
It took her mind a few seconds to realise what had jut happened, then Cologne shook off her disorientation and jumped back to her feet.
Impossible! she thought, I haven't felt anybody preparing for a strike against me.
A quick look around didn't reveal her attacker either.
“I don't have time for this!”
She picked up her staff, tensing her muscles to jump after Shampoo a second time, but never got the chance to. She more felt than saw the follow up attack blurring towards her face and rolled to the left, avoiding it by a hair's breadth. Somewhere in the back of her mind she noted the air displaced from that devastating attack punching a small hole into the wall behind her as, still in mid-roll, Cologne retaliated by flashing her staff forward at her attacker.
Her attack missed and garnered her only amused chuckling from her opponent.
“Happosai,” she hissed as soon as she had gotten back to her feet.
“Ah ah ah, Cologne-chan!” The old grandmaster waved his index finger in her face. “We can't have you interfering.”
Cologne narrowed her eyes at her old rival. “Get out of my way, Happi!”
“No can do. I promised Genma I'd do this.”
Cologne shifted her stance as she prepared herself to attack the old pervert, her grip on her staff tightening. “Why are you doing this?”
“Isn't it obvious? If Ranma's gone, nobody here will be able to interfere with my fun!” Happosai said, throwing his head back and letting out a loud cackle.
Cologne chose that moment to attack, flashing her staff forward like a snake striking at its prey. It connected solidly with the small pervert's sternum and sent him hurtling through the air.
Unlike Cologne earlier, Happosai easily controlled his flight and righted himself in mid-air. He connected feet first with the opposite wall and catapulted himself back towards her at even greater speed.
Cologne's eyes widened as Happosai shot towards her like a cannon ball, and she barely managed to dodge out of the way as he struck the spot she had been standing.
Happosai slowly drew himself up to his full three feet height as his powerful aura began to gather around him, the blue-ish white energy pulsating menacingly as it outlined his diminutive frame.
“How DARE you strike me!”
Cologne gulped and shifted her feet, adopting a tight defensive stance as she held her staff protectively in front of her.
There was no way she could beat the grandmaster of Anything Goes in a real, drawn-out fight. He outclassed her too heavily. He was faster and stronger, and superior to her in both skill and experience.
If the circumstances were different, she might have been able to lure him into a Hiryo Shouten Ha, but that was out of the question now. At the amount of energy the pervert was putting out the resulting tornado would be big enough to annihilate the whole Tendo compound and kill almost everybody present.
Her prospects looking as grim as they did, Cologne decided to go on the offensive, hoping to end the fight now, while Happosai was too busy being angry and indignant to fight with his full potential.
“HAAAA!”
Cologne pushed her body to its limits as she attacked Happosai, her staff stabbing forward several hundred times per second, each strike aimed at a disabling pressure point.
No! This can't be! Cologne thought as Happosai's arms blurred to deflect every single one of her strikes. The old bastard still had a bored expression on his face as he almost absent-mindedly deflected her attacks. She poured even more energy into her attack, her muscles straining to their maximum as she forced them to move at a speed they hadn't reached in seventy years.
Sweat broke out on her brow, her muscles burned and her arms grew numb as Cologne continued her assault. She poured every ounce of energy she had into this last effort, used every iota of skill at her disposal, and yet the bastard seemed to be keeping up with her without problem.
Cologne began to grow desperate. She was a member of the Joketsuzoku, a proud tribe of warriors with an impressive martial tradition dating back over three thousand years. She was their best and most experienced fighter, and her she was getting beaten by an old pervert!
Her heart was beating fast enough to sustain a hummingbird and her arms felt as if they were filled with liquid fire when suddenly inspiration struck. While she would have despised using such methods any other time Cologne was desperate enough at the moment to resort to such measures.
Silently asking her ancestors for forgiveness, Cologne prepared herself to unleash the most horrible and devastating manoeuvre of her life.
Just as her hands began to cramp up from gripping her staff during her prolonged attack, Cologne let go of her weapon, spun around and lifted her skirt, presenting Happosai with her wrinkly, saggy ass.
“AAAAAAAAAAAUGH! MY EYES! MY EYES! THEY'RE BURNING! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! GAAAAAH!”
Happosai fell to his knees and started clawing frantically at his eyes as he sobbed like salary man that had run out of alcohol.
Cologne seized the opportunity and struck with the oldest, most basic special technique in her repertoire. She had made up the attack herself shortly after she had learned how to access her chi. It was simple and crude, but backed with her considerable amount of energy it was still a most fearsome and destructive attack.
“COLOGNE PUNCH!”
With her last reserves of energy she catapulted herself across the small distance and struck Happosai with a double handed blow to the chest. The old pervert was sent flying like a ballistic missile, hurtling across the dojo to crash through the far wall.
Panting, her arms still extended, Cologne kept her gaze fixed on the exit hole Happosai had made. She had an ugly feeling in her gut that the old pervert would return any second now, her desperation attack having done nothing but make him even more angry.
Nothing happened.
After staring at the hole for one hundred gut wrenching heart beats it became clear to Cologne that her opponent wouldn't be returning, that she had defeated him.
With a sigh of relief her legs gave out and Cologne fell to the floor like a puppet with its strings cut.
As she lay there, her chest rising and falling in concert with her rapid breaths as she stared at the ceiling, it dawned on her that Happosai had won after all.
She was too exhausted to stop Shampoo from committing the gravest error of her young life.
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(Posted Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:48)
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