Gendo woke early at six, the same time as always. He sat up in bed and shook his head as he reached for his glasses. "This is nonsense," he murmured. "That was a bad dream, nothing more." He was sure of that. He had several bad dreams of Yui ever since she died. The last one had been almost one year ago, but he still couldn't see any other explanation. "Three spirits? The ghost of Yui? My own chains? Bah! Humbug!"
He blinked. Now why did he say that?
He didn't give it another thought and instead got ready for work as always. For him, it was a normal day. No restless spirits. No wives that returned from the dead. Not even an Angel attack.
He looked into the hangar and carefully watched the giant form of Evangelion Unit 01. He didn't really know what he expected. However, the biomechanical colossus didn't budge an inch.
In the evening, Gendo almost forgot about the strange incidents of last night. He went to bed as usual, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. No ghost or spirit appeared.
Gendo put his glasses down and went into his bed. Just a few minutes later, he was asleep.
However, deep in the night, he suddenly woke up. Putting on his glasses, he took a quick glance at the clock... it was one o'clock.
He never woke up in the night, unless there was an emergency at HQ. He took a look around... everything was as quiet as usual.
But then, in the corners of his eyes, he saw a soft light, coming from above. He looked... and froze. Up there, hovering directly under the ceiling, was none other than his only son, Shinji. Or at least someone who looked like him. Instead of his normal clothes, the school uniform or the plugsuit, he was dressed in what looked like a red and white bathrobe. He also had what looked like a mistletoe in his hair. He sat there, as if there was an invisible cushion above Gendo's bed, with crossed legs, and read a book that was lying in his lap.
The view was so strange and absurd that Gendo wasn't able to say anything for a few seconds. Then he asked: "Shinji?"
Shinji... or at least the spirit who wore his face smiled and closed the book, keeping a finger between the pages, as he looked down at the bewildered NERV commander. "Good evening, father!"
Hearing his son's voice somehow broke Gendo out of his stupor. He frowned angrily at Shinji. "What do you think you are doing here at this late hour? Who let you in? Does Major Katsuragi know you're here? And why are you wearing such a ridiculous outfit?"
"Please calm yourself, father," Shinji said as he uncrossed his legs and slowly came hovering down. He stopped next to his father, but his feet still didn't touch the floor. "I have come here to show you a few glimpses of your past. Didn't mother tell you I was coming?"
Gendo recalled his conversation with Yui. "That... was a dream," he proclaimed.
Shinji smiled. "I'm afraid not. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past."
"Stop speaking nonsense! And come down here! How are you doing this?" He gestured at Shinji's feet, which were still hovering above the cold floor.
Shinji shook his head. "For someone who believes in the prophecy of Instrumentality, you can be quite narrow-minded at times... mother already mentioned it, in her diary." He briefly lifted the book he was holding.
"That... that is your mother's diary?" Gendo narrowed his eyes. "Give it to me! I've kept it ever since she died. You have no right to touch this!" And he held out his hand. Under normal circumstances, everyone who knew him would have complied. Especially Shinji.
But this time, Shinji looked at the book thoughtfully before opening it up again. "Here she writes: 'I've asked Gendo if he wants to join me for dinner at the nice restaurant I found the other day. However, he declined. Sometimes, I wonder if his work is more important to him than I am.' Tell me father, is this true?"
Gendo slowly lowered his hand. For a moment, it seemed as if he was lower his gaze. He didn't do it, instead, he just sighed. "Your mother has always been the most important person to me. You should know that."
"Yes, the most important person. But more important than anything else? What about me? Do you hate me"
"I never said that."
"I know. But then again, you barely spoke with me at all." Shinji smiled sadly as he sat down next to his father. He put the book down between them. "Why do you hate Christmas?"
That question came out of nowhere. "It's a waste of time," Gendo said. "People spend their money for trivial nonsense and sentimental feelings. It's a gaijin invention that is only used to make money."
"The Americans didn't invent Christmas," Shinji said. "But that's a common mistake people make nowadays..." He stood up and reached out his hand. "Come with me."
Gendo looked at his son's hand. "Why? Where do you want to go, at this late hour?"
"Come on. I want to show you something."
Gendo was still not taking his son's hand, nor was he standing up, for that matter. "I don't see why I should listen to you," he said. "After all, I am not just your father, but also your commander."
"You won't lose anything by doing so," Shinji reminded him. "I just want to help you remember a few things of your past. You're not afraid of the past, aren't you?"
Gendo frowned. He wasn't afraid of anything. He reached out to take Shinji's hand.
Shinji smiled when he saw his father's for once ungloved hand. "See, that wasn't so hard. Their hands touched and a soft glow surrounded them.
When the light vanished, they were in a different room. Gendo was surprised. "What... what is this? Where are we?"
"Don't you recognize this room?" Shinji smiled.
Gendo saw a richly decorated Christmas Tree standing in the corner. He saw dozens of colorfully wrapped presents lying underneath. The whole room was brimming with light coming from candles. Candles on the tree, candles standing on the table, candles on the windowsill. A huge plush reindeer was lying on the couch Gendo and Shinji were sitting on. Outside, snowflakes were falling.
Gendo slowly got up. "Of course..." he murmured. "That was before you were born... Yui wanted to spend the Christmas holidays with me, so she rented this small cabana in the mountains... at first, I didn't want to come, but she was persistent..." He looked at the decorated room. "All of this, she did for me..."
"She did it for both of you," Shinji said.
Gendo suddenly turned his head sharply and looked at his son. "Wait... I never told you about this! How can you know?"
"Don't try to think about it too much, father," Shinji said.
Suddenly, the door opened. A young woman with brown hair, wearing a nice dress came in. She was carrying a metal plate with a huge, roasted turkey on it.
Gendo's eyes widened. "Yui!" he gasped. She looked through the room, but her gaze went right past him. He wanted to touch her shoulder, but his hand went right through her.
As Yui put down the turkey on the table, Gendo looked at his hand in irritation. "What in the name of..."
"She can't see us," Shinji explained. "We are here as observers. Nobody can see, hear or touch us. These are just your memories."
As Yui put down the turkey, she raised her voice and shouted: "Gendo, are you planning on sitting in front of that computer all day long? The turkey's getting cold!"
"Coming, honey!" another voice replied, a voice that Gendo recognized as his own. The door on the other side of the room opened, and a younger Gendo entered the room. He didn't have a beard yet.
"Sorry I kept you waiting," he smiled as he and Yui hugged. "I had to send this mail to Fuyutsuki."
"Sensei isn't working today," Yui snickered. "He's probably celebrating at home with his family. Forget about work for a moment. It's Christmas!"
"You know I can't take this American customs seriously, Yui," Gendo sighed. He then looked at the decorations. "However, I must say that you did a good job."
Yui rolled her eyes. "Gendo, how many times do I have to tell you, the Americans did NOT invent this holiday. Now come and sit down with me. I didn't cook this turkey just for myself, you know?"
While the younger Gendo enjoyed his meal in the company of his future wife, the older Gendo watched his past self. 'It is so strange to watch me doing this...' he thought. 'It's even stranger that I almost forgot about this day...'
"So you see?" Shinji asked. "There has been a time when you enjoyed Christmas. Don't tell me you didn't like the candles, the decorations, the warmth... and wasn't the turkey tasty?"
Gendo crossed his arms. "That was different. I didn't want to ruin everything for Yui. She prepared all of this, just for the two of us... it wouldn't have been right to make all of this go to waste."
"But that wasn't the only time you enjoyed a nice Christmas..." Shinji said. "Don't you remember?"
The warm light surrounded them again, and again their surroundings changed. This time, they were in what looked like a big mansion, with many people standing around, drinking, eating, laughing and singing songs. Again, there were Christmas decorations everywhere.
"Know where we are?" Shinji asked.
"Yes, I know," Gendo muttered. "This is the old manor of Fuyutsuki's brother... he invited him for this party and told him he could bring a few friends. I was quite surprised when he chose Yui and me..."
Shinji pointed to a corner where Gendo's past self... now a couple of years older... was standing, a glass of wine in his hand. Yui, now wearing a red vest, pulled his arm as she urged him to follow her. "C'mon, everyone is dancing!"
"You know I can't dance..." young Gendo said bashfully.
"Hey, it's never too late to learn, you know? Look, Naoko can't dance either and is that stopping her?" She grinned and gestured at another woman, whose dancing partner winced every time she stepped on his toes. But that didn't stop them from having fun.
"I don't know..." Gendo sighed.
Yui pouted. "You want me to tell everyone about your Star Trek underwear?"
"N-no, that won't be necessary," Gendo said hastily as he followed a giggling Yui.
Gendo turned red as he faced Shinji. "You... you'll never tell anything about this, do you hear me?"
Shinji chuckled. "So you were a nerd, what about it? So's my classmate Kensuke, and we're pals. But don't you see? You were having fun, in the company of others. Mom merely showed you the way."
And for a while, they watched how the young, early Ikari couple danced to the music a younger Fuyutsuki was playing on a guitar.
After a while, Gendo sighed and said: "You know, this won't change a thing. I might have been like this some time ago, but that's the past." He looked at Shinji sternly. "There's no room for such things in the world we live in now. The Angels have come to destroy everything, we can't focus on time-wasting festivities."
"This isn't just about Christmas, father," Shinji said, shaking his head. "This is about you. You have changed, have become bitter after mother's death... when was the last time you have ever changed a pleasant word with anyone?"
"There are quite a few people I respect, as long as they respect me," Gendo coldly shot back.
"Respect isn't the same," Shinji sighed. "But you are right, this is the past... however, don't we all learn from the past? But I can see that this is enough for tonight. I doubt any other memory will change your resolve. For now, let us return back to the present."
And in another flash of light, they were brought back to the present, to Gendo's dark bedroom.
"I will leave you now," Shinji said as he floated back up into the air. "But at least try to think about what you saw tonight."
"You are not really my son... are you?" Gendo asked.
The spirit turned around and smiled. "Maybe not. But does that make a difference?"
And with those words, he disappeared.
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(Posted Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:33)
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