Chained World - The Fall of the House of Kuno: It’s a Wonderful Life [Episode 228437]

Wait a minute....This looks like...
*GLOMP*“Welcome back, Ranma!”
“MOM?!”
*GLOMP*”Hey, hey! Easy with my fiancee!”
“AKANE?!”
*GLOMP*“Hey, ‘cousin’....you look pretty bad..Haven’t you been taking care of yourself?”
“NABIKI?!”
Her mother was smiling...
Akane was smiling...
Nabiki was SMILING...that wasn’t a good sign....
Within moments, Ranma had been whisked inside the Tendo home, wrapped in a warm blanket, and seated on a pile of pillows at the table with a warm drink in her hand. Somebody took a tool to her collar and quickly removed it, and it was gone from her neck. She could smell Kasumi’s cooking wafting in from the kitchen. She was surrounded in the living room by her family and friends, her mother and Akane sandwiching her in a huge hug they showed no sign of releasing, and she could hear a great many other people moving around in other rooms or outside...It sounded like a block party was breaking out outside.
It got even weirder when Ranma’s father came in with a tray of steaming food, set it down in front of her, then sat back, smiling at her, making no move to scarf it down himself.
“Eat up, boy! I doubt they treated you well in that place!”
“Make way! Best friend, coming through, coming through!” Ukyou came weaving through the crowd before she managed to get to Ranma’s side. “Hiya, Sugar!”
“Ranma! How Shampoo best friend-shield maiden do!?” Shampoo came jockeying for any open space in the rapidly-diminishing free area around Ranma, and then began trying to feed Ranma, to Akane and Ukyou’s bemused annoyance.
“What...what the heck is going on?” Ranma was really terrified at this point that this was some desperation-fueled delusion...or an elaborate trick of the Adjustors to totally break her will....
Everybody started talking at once, before Nabiki managed to shush everybody else and took center stage.
“Well, it turns out that while you were in processing, your mother’s father, your grandfather, got in touch with her, after a long estrangement, made peace with her, and he got in touch with anybody who owed him a debt or a favor...which turns out to be a LOT of people, which came to a LOT of money, and there were some slippery lawyers and dirty tricks involved---”
“*AHEM*” An unfamiliar goateed man in mirrorshades and suit and tie objected from the sidelines.
“...’truly beneficent legal counsels of the common people’ involved,...sorry, Nikitachrome-san... and some quirky laws, some loopholes that are more like science fiction wormholes, ancient precedents, and a few lost inheritances and ...Well, to make a long story short, they came up with enough money to buy out the Kuno-held debt, outbid Kuno, and buy you back!”Nabiki finished with a flourish, clearly enjoying this.
“Heck, even Happosai pitched in!” Ukyou put in.
“Can’t have the best student I ever had languishing as a slave...even if she might have looked good in slave garb.” The ancient pervert put in from the window where he was idly smoking a pipe. “ You showed a rare, nearly unheard of, devotion and dedication to protecting the school, even if it was a sister school, by sacrificing yourself like you did...No reason you should have to rot in the abyss any longer than absolutely necessary! I’m proud of yah!”
Genma grinned at the dread Master of Anything Goes’ affirmation of his child’s finer qualities.
Daisuke and Hiroshi managed to squeeze in, holding drinks. “Guess that makes you public property, eh, Ranma?”
“Dai, you jerk! Ranma, seriously....we just consider it a small investment in a neighborhood treasure.” Hiroshi explained, earning a smile from Akane’s friend, Sayuri.
Nabiki broke in: “Besides, we expect to make it back ...The Nerima Contractors’ Association figures they’ll make more off the damage your fights do in the long run if you’re loose.”There was a half-hearted chorus of dismay from the crowd when they remembered THAT... “The national and foreign press want rights to your story and the whole deal about the community buying you back... There are magazine and sports endorsements and article offers coming in...”
“Offers...?” Ranma’s mental gyroscope was grinding in its bearings....
“Among others, the Children of Bastet want you as a pitchman...or ‘woman...for their ‘Hello Kitty’ product lines...”
“C-cccattsss?!”
“Calm down, child...seems they got a surefire cure for the worst aspects of the Nekoken...and while they’re at it, they’re willing to pay for therapy to take care of your Adjustment..” Cologne made her appearance atop her walking stick, grinning down at Ranma. “That is, if over three thousand years of Amazon lore can’t break it for a tribeswoman.”
“They do? They are? I am?”
“ They’re protecting their investment. Oh, and did I mention the offers from Mishima Heavy Industries? From NERV, from Seburo, from Meioh Associates? They want to hire you for bodyguard positions, personal training, public relations. Even the Tokyo police want to talk to you...something about the bank robbery six months ago? I think they hinted at a reward or something. And then there are the possible lawsuits...”
“Lawsuits? WHAT lawsuits?” Ranma was beginning to feel like an echo, a few seconds behind actual events.
“Seems Kuno tried to bribe the Adjustors...and there’s evidence that they went overboard on your Adjustment, above and beyond what they were legally permitted to do...That’s VERY bad and opens them up to some SERIOUS damage litigation.”
“For which the Rising Washi School of Legal Arts will be more than happy to represent you...” The beak-nosed lawyer grinned sharkishly.
Ranma paled; how much did they know about what had happened during her Adjustment? As if sensing her tensing up, her mother and her fiancee tightened their hug around her.
“So, in spite of the initial cost of challenging the third wealthiest family in the Empire, Ranma, we may actually all come out well in the black on this one...” Nabiki looked positively giddy talking about big money. “But aren’t we forgetting something?”
The identified Mister Nikitachrome grinned as he opened his attaché case and drew out a large official looking paper.
“And here are the manumission papers! You now have clear title to yourself again, young lady!”
“Here, here!” Came the chorus as everybody raised their drinks.
“Aw, too bad. I kinda liked the idea of owning a piece of you...” Daisuke was immediately slapped into unconsciousness by every female next to him.
Ranma stared in disbelief at all the smiling faces crowded into the room...at the official form in front of her declaring her legal freedom...at her father smiling down at her, at the Tendo sisters all beaming at her, at her mother holding her....
It was all too much for her. Her mind decided to shut down, operating system went into ‘sleep’ mode, and she fell into the warm embrace of her friends and family...

****

“Hey, Goyle?”
“Yes, Crabe?”
“Donja think we should have been contacted yet? To pick up that little redhead for Lord Kuno? I mean, the auction was today!”
“Hmmm...yeah! Funny...unless he didn’t get her.”
“Oh, come on, the fix was in, man! Everybody knows Kuno was going to get her!”
“Yeah, right...maybe it slipped his mind to call us in? Maybe somebody else picked her up for him?”
“I don’t like the sound of that! I mean, we’re supposed to be his main goons! We got a CONTRACT!”
“So’s what we going to do?”
“Finish your drink, Crabe, and let’s check in and see what gives, that’s what I say!”
Minutes later the men were taking a shortcut down a back alley to where they parked their car.
“Oh greeaattt going...dead end! Smart, Goyle!”
“Shuddup! I coulda sworn this led back to the street!”
*CRASH*
“What was that, Goyle?”
“Ah, just a stupid cat! Hey! This place is lousy with them!”
Meow?
“Furry little vermin! Almost tripped me!”
iiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!
“Hey! Here’s another! Get off the pants, you filthy beggar!”
“MMYRRROOOWWW!!!”
“GET OFF ME YOU FLEABALL!!!”
rrrooowwwrrrrrr!!!
YooowwwlllllL!!!!!
HssstttttT!!!!!
“Hey, what is this? Rat-breath Central?! Com’on! GIT!!!”
RRRIIIIPPPPPPPP
SOMETHING grabbed Crabe hard by the ankles and pulled him down.
“AAUUGHHH!!!! GGGGAHHHHHH!!!!HAAAUGG!!!*GURggagaggiuurrgglll...*”
*TEEEARRR*ZZZHIIPPP*SLASH*CHOMP*SHHREEEEPPPPPPP*
Goyle turned and couldn’t see his comrade; only a seething carpet of yowling, spitting, hissing, clawing furred forms covering the ground...
“BLEEK!”
It was then that the big old cooncat made his leap off a fence.....straight onto Goyle’s face...
“NONONONONONO!!!!!!!NOTDAFACENOTDAFACE!!!!----NOTDATONKERNEITHER!!!NOTMEMINIGOYLEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!”
The screaming went on for a long time....Curiously, nobody reported hearing a thing...

****

“Ugh...Roadkill....”
“Ugh is right...that’s one ugly mess...”
“Got an ID on the victim?”
“Yeah, found a purse....Doctor Michiko Henkoi....registered Senior-rank Adjustor.”
“Okay, that alone opens up a whole long list of possible suspects...What happened?”
“The doctor was apparently walking home after her shift at work. Witnesses didn’t see the hit and run, but they heard bells.”
“Bells?”
“Yeah, and Doctor Tomoe, the CSI, found drag marks and hoof prints.”
“Horse?”
“Reindeer.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Straight up to the site of the initial strike, down the road, across the railroad tracks, on the victim’s front and back, and then on into that alley, where they disappear.”
“So you’re telling me Doctor Michiko Henko got run over by a reindeer, coming home from her work, Christmas Eve?”
“Me and Tomoe, we believe....sir.”

****

Lord Tatewaki Kuno was in a fine foaming mood. He had given his factor clear instructions to purchase the girl at the auction, and he returned empty-handed? Outright thievery! The pigtailed girl had signed a slave contract with HIM! The auction was a mere formality! It was understood that Tatewaki Kuno was fated to own her! Did that idiot not understand that the fiery-haired one was a prize well worth ANY price?! And his factor had LOST her to an adhoc coalition of rabble!? In his OWN district?! Did the people of his territory not respect the rights of their lord?! Surely this hinted of treason and treachery! Rebellion and sedition! Dark sorcery at work!!!
“Surely there must be a way around this vile trick! This injustice!! This smear on the name Kuno!!! Sasuke! Call my la---WWWWAUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!”
Alas, Lord Kuno failed to spot the discarded gymnastics club his sister had left on the stairs(and that a negligent servant had failed to pick up in time). With enough speed and altitude at launch, Kuno was able to sail the entire length of the hall with Olympic ski-jump grade grace before crashing into the comforting embrace of the display of mounted samurai armor and arms on the opposite wall, before crashing down on top of a display of ornamental swords and daggers, hitting the floor in a shower of glass, then being buried as the dislodged armor and shields, plus a few odds and ends added by his father, such as several dozen pairs of hair trimmers, a Hawaiian spear, a stuffed swordfish, over a dozen conch shells, several large volcanic rocks, several teekee statues, and a heavy ceramic souvenir mug, rained down on top of him. Five hundred years of Kuno family history landed squarely on young Tatewaki Kuno’s head and shoulders.

Sasuke looked at the groaning, moaning, pile of wood, glass, metal, stone, shell, and stuffed animal skin, and turned to the two severe-looking men he’d been escorting in to see his master.
“I don’t think Lord Kuno is going to be very receptive today to any bad news, gentlemen.” Sasuke honestly told the two officials from the Imperial Office of Ancestry....

****