“-And without further conflict, our newest visitor to Tokyo has retreated back to her ship, taking the young woman she claims is her daughter along with her. The ship has since retreated from its position above the auction house and has now assumed a position high above Tokyo Bay. No further actions on its part have been taken, although multiple attempts by the government, local officials, and even the international community, to communicate with the alien craft and its crew have gone unanswered.”
“The Imperial government has announced a general mobilization of security forces in the immediate vicinity of the alien craft, and has laid out a ‘no-fly’ zone around the craft, but has taken no further military action. This, despite protests from the new Lord Kuno of Nerima, that the government take, we quote, ‘immediate action to reclaim rightful Kuno properties, rescue his truest love from vile alien attentions, redress the insult done to his family, and drive the foul demonic trespassers from Japan’s skies.’ Nor has the military security mobilization stopped crowds of Tokyo residents and tourists from thronging the waterfront to see the alien craft, and souvenir vendors have already released models and plushies of the aliens.””In a related matter, Tokyo General Hospital reports that the security staffers at Mifune’s Auction House who were incapacitated when the newcomers entered the facility have all recovered from their unconscious state, without any apparent lingering ill-effect, though they continue to be held for observation.”
”As to the public pronouncement made by the alien commander of a price on the head of the current Lord Kuno, the Imperial government has made no official announcement. Lord Kuno, upon exiting the auction house where the threat took place, when questioned by reporters, dismissed it as a ‘shallow and cowardly attempt to draw attention from the REAL crime of kidnapping and thievery perpetuated against his House’, and that the insult would not ‘go unanswered by the justice of heaven.’”
”That wraps up the latest on the ongoing ‘Altess Situation’ as it evolves. Now for some sports and local news!”
”I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! THE ALIENS WERE WATCHING US! BUT DID YOU BELIEVE ME? NOOOOOO!!!! YOU CALLED ME A WHACKO! NOW THEY’RE HERE TO JUDGE US!!!”
“You done yet, Hiro?”
“For the hundredth time, Toshio, NO! This can’t be rushed, it has to be done right or not at all!! Now get out of my studio!”
“Hiro, Casting needs the clay model already! Aki’s ready to start matching paints and wants to get going on skin tones! And I hear Bandai’s already advertising their own ‘Altess Duchess Garage Kit Figurine’ online! We’re racing a clock here!”
“You can’t rush ART, Toshio! I get this wrong, we may as well be selling ‘Evil Mutant Altess Commander’ figurines! I--Toshio, I did NOT mean that seriously. Get that look off your face!”
“To the Altess Commander, Duchess Cima Haman-Khan of Ayanikar-Zyvult! I am Akiko Natsume, Chairwoman of Mishima Heavy Industries! We would very much like to discuss, at your leisure of course, business and trade possibilities! Over.”
“Still no response, ma’am.”
“Damn! Try it again on all frequencies!”
“Might be interference from all the OTHERS trying to get touch with the aliens, Akiko!”
“Oh THOSE people!!! Who do they think they are trying to cut in on OUR negotiations!?”
“So, Goto, you think we should be concerned about this bounty this woman has declared?”
“I think that people in our civilized society are wise enough to not heed the ravings of an obviously ethically challenged person, no matter how she arri-”
>>>WHAM<<<
BEEEPBEEEPBEEEPBEEEPBEEEPBEEEPBEEEP
WHOOOP!WHOOOP!WHOOOP!
Goto and the Chief picked themselves off the floor to stare out at where the large limousine with Kuno Family markings, its tires aflame, had pancaked on its roof in the center of the intersection, the shockwave of its impact having broken windows and set off car alarms for a whole block.
“-of course, that doesn’t rule out the lunatic fringe of society. Should I double the watch on the Kuno Manor just in case? Widen the cordon, so no bystanders get hurt?”
“Good idea, Goto. Good idea. And put another cordon around the Tendo house, just in case people start wondering if they’re aliens too. Call it protective custody or something. ”
Word of the bounty was making its way around the Earth.
“It’s insane, I tell you!!! Damn alien comes in, butts into our affairs, then cold-bloodedly announces she’ll pay to have one of us killed? Flaunting the law and expecting us to turn on one of our own just because she’s paying some outrageous sum? Even offering transportation out of Japan? That’s arrogance, pure inhuman arrogance! ‘Superior lifeforms’ my ass! That’s-honey, where are you going, and what are you doing with my hunting guns? That’s funny, I thought you HATED my hunting trips?”
“Not only will you be striking at an infidel of importance in the heart of their capital, but you will be earning great riches, and garnering the good will of a powerful alien ally. There can be nothing wrong with this mission.”
“The whole Kuno clan’s been a pain in our backside for years now, and we were eventually going to have to do something about it! Well, here’s our golden opportunity!”
“Hidden Leaf Kunoichi Services, how may I help you?...I’m sorry, ma’am, we’re taking no new contracts at this time...no, I’m afraid not even for THAT offer...ma’am, I’m sorry, we can’t take on your contract at this time...please, I’m sorry, have a nice day, ma’am! *Whew* Damn phone’s been ringing off the hoo-Hello, Hidden Leaf Kunoichi Services, how may I help you?”
“Yah know, even if we have to leave the Empire, that much yen can buy a WHOLE lot of homesickness cure.”
“Ahk! Dietrich, I said pack my ‘specials’, not my regulars! Don’t waste time! You want some cheese-eater Frenchman to beat us there? Everybody knows the best assassins come from Germany! We have a national reputation to uphold!”
“Lafonse? You have my special order? Excellent! We have a plane to catch! You want some boorish German lout to beat us there? When a beautiful woman wants a job done for THAT amount of money, such a responsibility requires a FRENCHMAN! ”
“I don’t care if you DO have a license for that thing, sir, you’re not getting on an international flight with it! No, I don’t care if you ARE a member in good standing with the NRA, or that you work for the CIA! I don’t even care if your ARE a good friend of the Chairman of the National Security Committee! That’s what the other ten people ahead of you said, INCLUDING the street gang from L.A., and they don’t even SPEAK Japanese! Now you just put that shooting iron over there with the rest of the weapons, go with the sheriffs’ deputies, and SIT DOWN where you’re told!”
“Sons of Pele, rise up! Our time is now to strike down the scions of our hated oppressors, liberate our sacred island homeland, and win large cash rewards too!”
It wasn’t just on Earth that Duchess Cima’s ‘little offer’ was heard; the live feed had been transmitted through the Dimensional Rift to the Three Galaxies.
“Forty million traals? For one little monkey? Where’s this ‘Earth’ again?”
*KER-CHAK*”Ya’know, I’d normally not go into murder for hire, but this guy’s a slaver? Yeah, I could lower my standards for that, and the hundred million buluu this lady’s posted. Download the navs, secure the ammo, and let’s get hypering.”
“Hah! More power to the engines! Make speed, make speed! I wish to savor the irony of the high and mighty Altess paying a Golgan!”
“*Ippeeghahhagulluuu?! *#kunoophalgehsieghu!#*gal’Ry’hlwewqushen!!!*
“She’s offering WHAT?! That’s enough to run this cruiser for a whole YEAR! Hells YES we’re interested! Engineering, give me flank speed! Yes, Gorhsa, I KNOW we run the risk of blowing out the defective starboard drive coil! We’ll fix it later when we get the payout! What payout? How does two hundred million -grak- sound? You CAN give me sustained flank speed? Excellent, I knew you could, given the right motivation!”
“You know, it’s been too quiet around here in the Central Alliance. What you say we go see what this reward is about, me lads? Maybe it will be an opportunity to shake the rust out of our joints and clean out our gun barrels? Yeah, and get the cybershop bill-collectors off our backs too!”
“Nine million yrel? That would go a long way towards restoring the fortunes of my House! I, Lum Retu, of the House of In’vadur, will claim this prize! Little brother, set course for ‘Dirt’!”
Not everybody was taking the bait, though.
“Come on, Krite! It’s easy money! What you got against taking this job?”
“Easy money, yeah, but this is TOO easy! T’zek, I can stop a man’s heart with a steely glare or a well-crafted joke! With one gesture I can summon a rain of skull-crushing anvils on top of somebody and totally ruin their day! This Altess lady’s offering up THAT much for whacking a backwoods hick? There’s GOTTA be a catch; the guy’s a dragon in disguise or a demon lord or something. Even if he isn’t, the whole business smacks of overkill, and the Art just isn’t for that! That sort of thing demeans what we stand for!”
And so, for better or worse, the Sacred Secret Order of the Mystical Comedic Assassins stayed away from Nerima.
Ranma gritted her teeth and tried again to break the shackles holding her to the couch. When she’d come to after that unsporting TKO from behind, she had found herself in some sort of bright, futuristic-looking room filled with strange equipment, and herself bound to an equally funky-looking chair, at the center of a ring of instruments that didn’t look remotely like a dentist’s (and she hated going to the dentist’s). At least she was dressed; somebody had clothed her in a pair of shiny white pajamas, but it was the arm and leg restraints that had her concerned, thick metal bands that held firmly her in place in spite of her best efforts to break or slip free.
That strange red-haired woman who was claiming to be her mother was conferring with another person, a tall man in silver-white robes, over a video display.
“(-some sort of deep magical taint. I can’t identify it, but it’s the more recent traces that have me concerned. Those I CAN identify; they’re indicative of mind-control magicks. )”
“(Can you do anything about them?)”
“(I can drain their charge, erode their effectiveness. I have the appropriate apparatus on hand, and can do it fairly easily. I’ll set it up; shouldn’t take more than a minute or so before it’s ready.)”
“(Thank you, Doctor Zura, it seems that time you spent in the UWW came in useful. Ah, you’re up!)”
The woman turned her attention to Ranma, leaning in and smiling as she reached up and gently stroked Ranma’s forehead, teasing the locks of red hair between her fingers.
“(Sorry about the restraints, ’itei, but until we’ve gotten you all straightened out and in your right mind again, we couldn’t risk you hurting yourself. You really don’t remember who I am? Not even a little?)”
Ranma noticed that she was still doing that strange words-not-matching-her-lips thing. though her Japanese was a lot clearer, but it didn’t make her words any more believable.
“Ah, no, I don’t know you!”
“(You don’t? You don’t even remember your favorite Mister Bil?)” The woman held something in front of Ranma’s face that looked like some sort of orange, mangy, deformed c-c-c-cat and gave it a shake and a squeeze.
*Ack-PHHfpt!!*
“GAHHH!” Ranma tried to THROW herself off the couch and AWAY from that horrible thing with its protruding eyes and TONGUE, but the damn restraints wouldn’t let her!
Fortunately, the woman took the thing away immediately, and set to work trying to calm down her hyperventilating captive audience.
“(They really did do something to you! You don’t remember me, you don’t remember your favorite toy, you don’t even recognize your own people! Those mean little barbarians!)”
Ranma got her breath back and steadied her nerves. “Look, lady, I don’t mean to be rude, but you really have no idea what you’re doing butting in. You’re not my mother, I already HAVE a mother, and you ain’t her! I have to get back there or a lot of people are going to be hurt! I gave my word!”
“(Oh, you mean that silly little debt all those meat puppets were gawping about? I found out about it, but don’t you worry. I’ve taken care of it. All that stupid little man had to do was accept the deal I offered and I’d call off the hellhounds. If not, well, that’s one less set of defective genes polluting the local bloodlines! In the meantime, Doctor Zura has something that should reverse your memory loss and remind you of who you really are, my dear.)”
The doctor had swiveled a device with several large crystals, positioned so their tips were just touching Ranma’s head, into place.
“(This won’t hurt a bit!)”
“Now wait a min-!!!”
***SQEEEQKK***
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(Posted Sat, 20 Feb 2010 15:24)
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らんま1/2 © Rumiko Takahashi
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