“I think...” Nanami said shaking. “I need a shower.”
Ranma nodded. “Alright. You do that. I'll take care of things in here.”
“Thank you Ranma,” she replied as she walked off towards the shower.
“Hey, Nanami!”
She turned about and looked at him.
“Yes?”
“Make sure not to get any blood on the rug, okay?”
As soon as the words had left his mouth, Ranma felt the very real urge to strangle himself. Sure, he didn't want to have to shampoo the carpet because she was dripping gore but he probably should have tried to think of a more tactful way of putting it? Like, say, in any other way mentally conceivable perhaps?
Pausing for a moment Nanami's features darkened, as she fell slightly farther back into her funk.
“Of course.”
Not stopping to say another word, the girl turned about and retreated up the steps, doing as he asked and making sure not to walk over any carpeted area.
As the female retreated Ranma could only face palm, and in an angry, frustrated tone, he began to berate himself. “Don't get any blood on the rug, you say. Great job, Saotome. With lines like that, no wonder she doesn't want to sleep with you. Idiot.”
Sighing dramatically she began to disrobe. He was going to have to clean up this mess and the last thing he wanted was to have to throw out a perfectly set of clothes. While Kodachi had bought him more than he could ever see himself needing, still, waste not want not. It also meant he could slip into something a bit more comfortable without damaging anything.
Looking to his side he glanced to the captured invader that lay unconscious on the floor. As for this asshole, he quickly frisked him of any annoying toys he might have. After netting himself a two shot holding pistol, a fine looking knife, a cell phone, and the man's wallet, he drug the figure to a barrel at the side of the room. With a light kick, he knocked it on its side, threw the man inside, and then flipped it so the open end was facing down, sitting over the grate like flooring. That way the dumb bastard wouldn't smother to death. Then, he simply pinned it under a large, heavy crate. With the amount of leverage the man could generate from that position, there was no way he'd be moving it any timer soon, not with 500 kilograms of wheat sitting on top.
“Now how the hell am I going to deal with this mess?” Ranma thought out loud. “I don't even know how many bodies there are even!”
“Five,” stated a dispassionate, even toned female voice.
“What?” Ranma jumped, instinctively raising his tail to strike. “Who was that?”
“I am the Ship's Artifical Intelligence,” replied the disembodied voice.
“Um, okay,” Ranma almost forgot they'd even had one. Last he'd heard of it was when 'Captain' Nanami had reprogrammed the damned thing and had him give it his name so it would listen to him. “So why are you talking to me now?”
“You made an inquiry,” it replied. “My internal sensors detect five deceased individuals on the ship.”
“Wait,” Ranma cut in. “You know where everyone is on the ship?”
“Affirmative.”
“Then couldn't you have warned Nanami that someone was coming onboard or something?”
“I not requested to do so,” the computer replied. “Shall I do so in the future?”
“Hell yes,” Ranma replied. “Always tell us if someone is coming onto the ship... and always make sure the doors are locked and not to let anyone in unless we say they can come in. Alright.”
“Affirmative.”
Ranma sighed. “Great. Now I just have to figure out where I am going to stash these bodies.”
“Manual access to the solid waste disposal tank is located on Deck 2,” the computer said.
“Solid waste disposal?” Ranma blinked. What the hell did she mean solid waste disposal? Wait a second... “You mean the toilet?”
“Affirmative.”
Looking down at the bodies he frowned. It didn't feel quite right. While they might have broken onto his ship and threatened one of his females, they were still people. It didn't feel right just flushing them down the toilet.
“Won't they clog up the pipes or something?” Ranma wondered.
“The Primary Solid Waste Disposal tank includes an internal grinder to ensure that all solid waste is reduced to a slurry, as to avoid any blockages in the system.”
He grimaced. So much better. So not only does he flush them down the toilet, but he reduced their bodies to paste. Wonderful.
“I'm afraid to ask this, but what happens then?”
“The waste is fed into the incineration subsystem where it is reduced to carbon ash and water. The ash is then vented from the ship while the water is recycled into the ship's water storage tanks.”
“Ick.”
So they were drinking purified toilet water. The more he learned about this space travel shit the more he looked back fondly on his backpacking days, back when the skies were clear, the air was clean, and the water wasn't something you drank three days ago. Still, he had to admit that he was a bit shy for options, and while he had no desire to further degrade these men by desecrating their corpses, the fact did remain that yes, they did break into his ship and tried to kill one of his girls. He personally would have attempted to keep the body count down, but what was done was done, and he wasn't going to be shedding any tears as to their loss.
While he actually would prefer to dispose of them in a slightly more respectful way, like throwing them all in a mass grave out in the woods where no one would ever find them, or dumping them in a sewer for the rats to snack on, he guessed that this was just karma.
“Pieces of shit get flushed down the toilet, I guess.” Ranma remarked.
“Please be sure to check and and all bodies for any hard metalic objects that may cause a blockage in the grinder.”
Ranma snorted. He'd been raised by Saotome Genma. “Like I wasn't going to loot the bodies.”
“Please be sure to check for cybenetic implantation before disposal.”
“Robot parts,” Ranma groaned. “You're a freaky alien thing and people got robot parts. Welcome to the future, Saotome.”
Oh well, he admitted to himself, while he was a fish out of water, things could have been a lot worse. He could have been in girl form when he died, and they could have brought him back with the other Kuno. Now that would have been a nightmare.
With a shudder, and then a sigh Ranma started up the steps. In the dining room he was met by the sight of two crumpled over bodies and mangled wood work. A tweak of his nose told him that Nanami had been injured, and looking down at the kitchen floor he guessed he knew where. Thankfully the tiling seemed to be acid resistant, which meant one less hole in the floor to figure out a way to patch.
Walking over to the pantry he pulled out a box of baking soda, which he casually dumped on top of the blood pool, causing it to react in a large fizzy mess. He'd mop it up later, but at least this way it wouldn't burn a hole in anything.
Looking up to the paneling he sighed. Compared to some of the messes he'd had to fix in his past life, it was easy. He already had the tools, he just needed to get his hands on the materials and things would be as good as new. Still, getting oak paneling on an isolated world dominated by grass lands wouldn't be cheap, but hey, life sucks buy a helmet.
Looking back to the bodies, he was a least satisfied to see that they weren't leaking anything onto the rugs, so he didn't have to break out the shampooer. Yeah. Blood stains were always a bitch to get out.
Grabbing the two by the ankle the started down the steps.
From here the job was simple. Strip the bodies of any valuables, make sure they didn't have any metal on them, and then feed them into the chipper, like some mobster from a bad American mobster movie. After that he guessed he'd just hose off the deck, make sure Nanami didn't bleed into anything important, and interrogate the survivor once Kodachi got back.
“Yeah, computer,” he said aloud, “One more thing?”
“Yes?”
“Disconnect the waste tank from the water system until you're done doing what ever it is you do to the bodies. I don't want to be drinking no dead people.”
“Affirmative.”
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(Posted Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:08)
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