To say that Ranma is familiar with the female body is an understatement. In addition to his explorations of his own cursed form, he had an ever-increasing store of practical information thanks to Nabiki, and further he had seen every girl of his acquaintance and several hundred unknown women through their clothes ever since Jusenkyo. Ranma's tolerance for nudity had risen to saint-like detachment out of simple necessity.
Of course, Ranma being Ranma, he was utterly unaware of his own tolerance and shied away from any hint of impropriety, often with disastrous results.
So when Shampoo led him to the bathroom and ripped off the only clothing she wore, Ranma backpedaled into the wall hard enough to crack the tile. "If...if..." he stammered, "if you think you can get to me by...by..."
"What you talking, dummy?" Shampoo snapped, grabbing a shower nozzle and drenching herself. "What you do about this body?!"
The vestigial succubus instincts in Ranma's mindscape compiled a list of 378 suggested answers before Shampoo's curse activated and OH SWEET KAMI THERE'S A CAT IN THE BATHROOM!!
"Nyow?" Shampoo asked, pawing Ranma's nose. Her airen had watched her change, gotten a strange look, fell over, and was now staring at the ceiling, twitching. Kitty was confused.
Ranma and Shampoo rejoined the others minutes later. Nabiki looked Ranma over and pieced together what happened -- and they were lucky that was all that happened. "Cologne was just telling us about Shampoo's curse," she said by way of greeting.
Ranma nodded shakily. "Yeah, she jus' showed me. But I didn't follow all the whys. I mean, they know 'bout the springs so why go near 'em?"
"It is a punishment, son-in-law," Cologne said gravely. "Because you didn't accept Shampoo, she was sent to train at Jusenkyo until the springs judged her."
"Wait, how's it my fault?" Ranma asked, dumbfounded.
Cologne whacked Ranma with her staff. "When you marry Shampoo, she gets access to the cure. You're the reason she's still like this."
Ranma's response was interrupted by a panda with a sign in her paw. "Did you say 'cure'?"
Cologne smashed Genma with her cane without looking away from Ranma. "It would be no problem to cure you as well, once you marry Shampoo."
Nabiki frowned and coughed politely. "I do hate to interrupt, but Ranma is promised to me."
Shampoo looked to Nabiki with sympathy. "Smartgirl give up on airen for own sake, please."
Nabiki crossed her arms and smirked confidently. "And why would I do such a thing?"
"Because you is making you obstacle for Shampoo."
"Girl, I like you, but Ranma's mine."
Shampoo sighed dejectedly. "Shampoo sorry. Obstacle is for killing." Nabiki didn't have time to react before Ranma was holding yet another broken bonbori and Shampoo was struggling to land on her feet on the lawn outside. Nabiki wasn't sure how Ranma had tossed the amazon out the door, but she didn't particularly care. Behind a layer of ice queen she was having a total breakdown over what had very clearly been a near-death experience.
"Not bad," laughed Cologne. "You'll make a fine husband."
Ranma clenched up. "Y'know...I've had about enough...OF YOUR LOONY TALK!" he yelled, lashing out at the ancient woman. Cologne bounded away with a laugh and raced down the streets of Nerima, Ranma hot on her heels.
Shampoo watched Ranma leave and glanced over the Tendos. She didn't want to kill Nabiki, but she was an obstacle. For now, though, there was Cryingman, Pandaman, and Angrygirl between her and the obstacle. She noted with annoyance that Cryingman's stance was as disciplined as Pandaman's; knowing their skills she was more than a match for either, but together it would be too close for comfort. Angrygirl wasn't as disciplined but nearly as dangerous. There would be easier opportunities to remove Smartgirl. Bowing respectfully, she jumped over the wall and was gone.
Cologne sat on the gate to a shrine and looked down the road. Ranma was nowhere in sight. "He's a hundred years too young to catch me," she said with a nod.
"Took your time, didn't you, grandma?"
Cologne blinked and turned. Ranma was there, smug as ever. "To be expected from Shampoo's groom," she praised. There isn't one boy in a hundred that could keep that speed. He bested it and isn't even winded. Impressive.
"I am not her groom," Ranma snapped.
A bit too prideful, though. Cologne smiled as her staff connected with Ranma's chest. "Give it a few days. You'll be begging for her to marry you."
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(Posted Sun, 14 Mar 2010 07:25)
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