When the small book was handed to Megane over the yakiniku, a tome that resembled a small dictionary or a pocket bible with a red leather cover, confusion reigned on his face for a moment. The look was shared on his three compatriots, also handed their own books.
"In here, boys," Invader proclaimed, "In these little red books, lies the problem that we think you might just be the answer to. And I believe than when you flick through 'em, you'll find out the reason why."
Megane didn't need telling twice. The title in big gold kanji and katakana did it for him:
Megane was skeptical, but opened the book and started scanning the text. Almost immediately, words and sentences started leaping out at him, memories of his life with Lum bubbling to the surface.
Past incidents at the school: the magnetic lipstick, the transformation spray, the toothache, the trip to Hawaii, the kidnapping attempt by Mendou, that incident where Lum lost the ability to speak Japanese...
Incidents he heard about second hand: the matchmaking attempt (Lum's dad tried to marry her off? And Ataru stopped him?), the first Setsubun battle, Ataru attempting to seduce Oyuki (he prayed Oyuki soon realised her mistake), what happened on Yaminokuni before that incident...
Almost everything about Lum's life, catalogued to almost the finest detail.
Well, almost.
"Is this "Great Evil" who I think it is?" Megane asked, almost casually.
Nassur nodded. "Ataru Moroboshi. The people who wrote this have almost the same idea you have about him."
Megane laughed a hoarse, braying laugh. "I couldn't have asked for more to be said about him!"
Invader raised his hand, and pointed a fat finger at the book. "Now, that book there was written by a group in our Galactic Federation that have been making some serious noises in our grounds as of late. However, I bet you boys have probably never heard anything about Phentax Two. Rest assured, they know everything about you."
The other Stormtroopers paused their reading through of their own books. "You mean that these people might be spying on us?" Perm asked.
"Not "might be spying". Has been spying on you, ever since Lum moved to Tomobiki." Invader answered. "They've been observing Tomobiki for months, watching all of you closely, when you eat, when you bathe, when you sleep... And they put all the good stuff in that book you're holding right now."
For once in his life, Megane hadn't a thing to say to somebody.
"Of course, they've changed a few things here and there to suit themselves. You boys and Mendou are their Holy Apostles, as far as I can tell. Ran and Shinobu are the "Sinful Doubters". And you already know about what they think of Ataru."
"This is absurd!" Megane roared out, slamming the book down on the table. "You mean to tell me that we've been the subject of some other planet's reality TV show for the past couple of years?!"
"Yeah!" Chibi chimed in. "Who the heck would want to watch us?!"
Perm muttered something about "falling right into that one"...
"How do you think I feel?!" Invader shouted. "I had to put up with this for years! Every time we try and tell Ougi to stop bugging everything Lum might come into contact with, he just sets the question aside! We try to kick Phentax Two out of the Federation, but the boys on the other side won't hear of it! The Yeshirites and the Zephryites try to pin him down, and he slides through even their fingers!"
The large Oni slumped, looking to the Stormtroopers like a tiger-striped ballon that was quickly losing air. "The boy flaunts his disregard for the rules. For decency. For intelligent life. And he has the testes to laugh in my face about it! ME! The first among the Invaders! ME and my daughter were CHAMPIONS! Challenging intelligent worlds to find their worth amongst us!"
The four Stormtroopers stared at this man, now less of a mountain of a man than a hill, and looked amongst themselves. Nassur had a black look on his face, looking towards the four with a face that pratically dared them to defy him, and Invader. Mrs. Invader hugged her husband tightly, tears streaming from her eyes. Slowly, the four felt the weight of the universe on their shoulders.
"Well, we had some pretty nasty people in history ourselves, ya know?" Perm said, in as reassuring a tone as he can muster. "I mean, we had Adolf Hitler and all..."
"Actually, Ougi is more the Caligula type, I find." Nassur replied. "Ougi just shares Hitler's talent for mass murder."
The Stormtroopers shut up. Well, except for Megane.
"Mass murder, you said?" The question was careful, it hung in the air, not sure if it wanted an answer.
"My planet is ruled by a fierce man. The Mikado, the hero of the war against Ipradies, was made rule to fight corruption in our society. But after the corruption was gone, the Mikado went after our liberties and rights, and became greedy for power."
"Standard evil dictarorial crap, then?" Megane asked.
Nassur only nodded. "When I left Vos, the Mikado hunted me down, and Lum was caught in the crossfire, nearly getting herself killed. Ougi and the Church replied in a way that they hoped would make sure the Mikado would never touch her, or me, ever again."
"Basically, they wiped out a good chunk of Vos, in my daughter's name." Invader added. "Five million Vosians died for the sake of my daughter."
"Five million innocent people." Nassur added. "Ougi always claims that he intended to strike down the Mikado himself. But I've always heard rumours that Ougi still laughs about Lecashuto, to this day."
Invader leaned over, and poured some beer into Megane's glass. "Of course, the Federation was up in arms, good intentions or no. Even though we all hated the Mikado, and even though I wished death on his and his thrice-damned minions for nearly killing my dear Lum, five million innocent people weren't worth almost losing my daughter..." Megane could see tears gathering in the man's eyes.
"If there's one thing I hate about this Church the most, you know, it is what they've done to Phentax Two. The people of that planet... They're good people. When I was young, they were great builders, manufacturers of the highest degree. They may be only able to imitate, to mimic instead of create, but they are loyal, noble people. They could construct massive starships the size of asteroids, in the matter of months. Even though they could fixate on the strangest things, they built the grandest things when they were asked to."
"And now... Phentax Two is but a wasteland. A threat to the Federation. To my family. And to you. It's you who'll be facing the biggest risks. After Ataru crushed Lum's horns, and her heart, Ougi will be out for blood. And I'm sure he won't care whose blood it is, Niphentaxian or Terran. He won't rest until his lust for vengeance is sated, and he'll throw as many Niphentaxian people onto our swords to make sure it is so."
Nassur placed a hand on the Book of Lum sitting in front of Megane. "We believe that the only way to stop Ougi, and to stop any chance of a war between us and them, lies with you. The Church holds you as the Holy Apostles. If we can get you to stop the Church, and make them see reason, then we could avert any necessary bloodshed, and keep from pulling the Federation into a crippling war.” “You gotta be kidding!” Perm protested. “We’re just four kids from Tokyo! We’re not even from the cool suburbs, we’re just from some suburb in Nerima-ku! Just what do you think we could even offer these people?!”
Nassur and Invader exchanged glances, before looking as one at the Stormtroopers.
“The truth.” Nassur replied. “That book is based on spying on you, but also makes hearsay and lies out of your own lives, and feeds it to the Niphentaxians like it’s made out of gold. If you came to Phentax Two, and told them that their entire religion is based around lies, and that they’ve been taken advantage of by Ougi...”
“We’ll be seeing revolution in the streets, boys.” Invader finished. “We know you boys as well. I’ve seen you watch my daughter with those eyes, wondering if you’d ever be worthy the same way that Ataru Moroboshi was.”
Invader leaned forward, a baleful look in his eyes. The Stormtroopers shrank back a little. “Let me tell you something. Ataru Moroboshi earned Lum’s love, even if he didn’t mean to. You call him a coward and a letcher, but he fought hard, and he fought long, and he fought dirty and he saved your sorry asses from annexation!” The eyes blazed, the gaze burning through the fearful youths. “If you want to prove yourselves worthy of my daughter, you’ll do the same thing. You’ll get your asses to Phentax Two, and make those poor bastards love you, even if you’ll have to kick Ougi himself in his posterior! Do you understand me?!”
Megane looked up at the Oni that towered over them. The Champion of the Oni Invasion group. The major-general-admiral-whatever of the Urusian space forces. The big mother who looked like any second he might smash them to atoms.
Well, all Megane could think of is Jack Burton would say...
“Do we at least get some help? Soldiers, perhaps?”
Have I paid my dues? Yes sir, the check is in the mail.
Nassur stood up. “I have taken the liberty of providing military escort for this mission. A troop of soldiers of my own personal selection, from both Urusian military and my own personal group, will be selected. Several people of Earth origin are also being selected for this mission.”
“Wait a second here, are we planning a diplomatic mission here, or an invasion?” Chibi blurted out.
“A bit of both, actually.” Nassur responded casually. “More like a cultural invasion more than anything. We’ll cripple the Church’s ability to spread their propaganda, and gather evidence to show that these people aren’t as morally upstanding as believed. All you have to do is speak out, and tell the truth.”
“We’re hoping that the hardest thing you’ll have to do in Phentax Two is to tell those people that Ataru isn’t as evil as they have been led to believe.” Invader said. “And even then, we expect that you don’t see him as evil as Ougi does. Trust us on this one.”
“Well, as long as we have enough protection...” Megane began... “I suppose I’m all in.”
“You better be right about all this...” Perm muttered, turning his eyes to Megane.
“Well, I guess if all we have to do is talk...” Kakugari said. “It’ll be like a book tour! We’re celebrities!”
“This better not be a trap...” Chibi said quietly.
“Then it’s agreed!” Invader crowed, as his wife filled everyone’s beer glasses. “We’re all off to go save Phentax Two together!”
Hesitantly, the four Stormtroopers all raised their glasses in toast, the beer spilling out as they clinked together.
And now...
See other episodes by Depecheion
(Posted Fri, 28 May 2010 00:35)
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