It happened all at once.
The four women calling themselves the Knight Sabres had been confronting the self-styled "boomer messiah" Largo near the summit of Genom Tower one minute, then in a flash of light, they found themselves flung through some sort of space-warp to land...
...in some town park?!
Cries of shock and pain echo from her friends as Sylia lands hard on her butt, then her head rebounds off a tree, causing stars to twinkle in her eyes as she collapses onto the dirt. Around them, the couples, threesomes and the odd foursome currently engaged in more private and intimate matters scarcely notice the blinding burst of light that appeared over Tomobiki town park for a second, that heralding the space-warp formed by Lum's broken spacializer to drop the five sentients from another universe and time into their midst.
But their arrival didn't escape everyone's notice...
People had no idea how to view Tampopo Kamekichi.
That satisfied her very much since it helped her carry on her sacred task.
To almost everyone in Tomobiki, Tampopo was a stocky though certainly not ugly woman, brown-haired and eyed, in her mid-thirties, the owner of a ramen/beefbowl restaurant in the town Ginza. She was also a martial artist, practicing a form similar to the in-family Art Ukyou Kuonji in Nerima knew so well. A normally friendly sort, she was something of a minor icon in the eyes of her fellow restauranteurs. After all, she is the only one in Tomobiki able to turn back a walking bottomless pit like Rei EVERY time he came to get something to eat. One swipe of her BAS (Bad-Ass Spatula) and the transforming Oni pilot would normally be fired straight into the Tomobiki River. As a matter of fact, she had been forced to do that just today, which turned out to be of considerable benefit to one Shinobu Miyaki.
To the students of Tomobiki High School, Tampopo was someone to be respected at all cost. That she pounded the crap out of Rei all the time scored points for her in the eyes of all the boys from said school. That she also pounded the crap out of Lum, Shinobu, Mendou, Megane and his crew, Sakura, Cherry and anyone else that displeased her, however -- especially when it came to the Oni princess or the scion of the Mendou family fortune -- didn't make any points at all. But no one had the guts to try to face her down and make her back off. No one understood why, much less understand why was it that Tampopo was willing to cater to the likes of her favourite customer...
Ataru Moroboshi.
Truth be told, Tampopo might seem human to the casual passer-by, but there is much more, FAR much more to her than meets the eyes. Cherry and Sakura, as the local spiritual mystics, sensed something off about her, but they couldn't investigate further since Tampopo would normally smash them into low Earth orbit before they could try to sate their curiosity. The aliens resident in Tomobiki also knew there was just something ODD about this woman, but they normally got the same treatment whenever curiosity got the best of them. All people like Lum could resolve to do in this case was try to keep Ataru away from Tampopo's overprotective reach -- but with what just happened to Lum in the clock tower of Tomobiki High School, not to mention how the Moreau flu was affecting everyone else, that point would soon become moot.
Speaking of the flu, Tampopo hardly felt its effects at all. Being what she is, the flu had little if no chance to lock onto her -- and even if it did, she had thousands (yes, count them, THOUSANDS) of years of herbal and medicinal knowledge to call on to deal with that, including some estoric cures that had not originated from Earth.
How that came to be...?
Well, that is for Tampopo to tell, which she won't since her primary task in life -- to be a supportive friend/unofficial big sister to lonely, abused children like Ataru Moroboshi -- demaned she maintain as much a veil of secrecy over her past as possible.
And given her task, those who were not truly human themselves who often trafficked with normal folk often gave Tampopo a VERY wide birth.
The great Immortals -- people like Methos, Cassandra, the MacLeod cousins, Amanda and the like -- viewed wherever Tampopo set up shop as being no different than Holy Ground. In other words, Hang up the damned swords!
The gods and goddesses, those like the Norns living with Keiichi Morisato, also did their best to stay out of Tampopo's way. If she was helping someone try to make better with their lives, then that was all for the better.
Ditto with the demons and demonesses, those like Mara and Old Nick himself. Too many had wound up nearly beaten to death by Tampopo to dare risk her wrath again. And there were the odd times when Tampopo had actually made some convert over...
If a vampire was in town, Tampopo's was often open for them after dusk. She knew all of the more famous blood-suckers by first name. While she didn't like the way they had to use to stay alive, she did understand the basic URGE to live. She was in fact very good friends with a certain vampire private investigator now based in Los Angeles. And yes, she had friends on the council who monitored the work of a certain teenage vampire/demon-slayer based in nearby Sunnyvale.
The list can go on and on...
Which was good since she would be needed to deal with the more tragic after-effects of what Professor Moreau had unleashed in Japan.
And speaking of which...
Largo shuddered as all his internal systems began to short out, the most obvious after-effect of being propelled unshielded through a time/space-warp into another dimension, thirty years back in time. A pained groan escapes the boomer messiah as he desperately tries to get his internal repair systems to come back on line and restore him to full strength.
Too late.
"Welcome to Tomobiki," a mature woman's voice echoes from his left.
He turns to look up into the face of a rather plain woman in a dark gi-like top and loose trousers, a very LARGE spatula slung on her back, her headband declaring TAMPOPO'S RAMEN AND BEEFBOWL BAR in kanji and kana. Shuddering as he tries to interpret who this person was, Largo doesn't notice as her eyes lock on some targets off to his right -- that is until she gasps. "The Knight Sabres?!"
This was impossible.
Then again, this was Tomobiki.
And Tampopo could loudly attest that NOTHING was impossible.
Being one of the very few people who could truly call herself Ataru's friend, Tampopo had a very good idea about his interests, both open and hidden. One of those interests was anime, and one of the series Ataru liked very much was Bubblegum Crisis. Tampopo herself had seen the eight originl OVAs, the three OVAs of the aborted Crash sequel series and even had taken a look at the new TV series set in 2040. And because of that, Tampopo knew the Knight Sabres on sight, especially in their high-heeled armour. That was the give-away.
Which meant that the silver-haired, red-eyed android now before her had to be Largo, the insane boomer "son" of the man who had killed Sylia Stingray's father Katsuhito, Brian J. Mason. The insane creature who wanted to liberate his kind by slaughtering all of humanity, uncaring of how many of his own kind died because of it. After all, look at what happened to Meg, Lou, Nam and later Sylvie in OVA #5, Anri in OVA #6 and even Adama in the second Crash OVA story.
And now, that insane, homicidal excuse for a cheap robot was HERE in Tomobiki. No doubt having been transported from a parallel dimension where the BGC storyline wasn't fiction but FACT. And if that was true...
Well, best not take chances.
Her eyes then focus on Largo, he now turned to gaze on the slowly-recovering Sabres. "If you are indeed Largo, the insane creation of one Brian Mason, murderer of Katsuhito Stingray in your universe..." she lightly smiles as she draws her BAS from behind her, that very sharp edge now twirling to drop like a guillotine blade onto Largo's neck, "...I hope you'll understand why I now have to kill you."
Largo jolts, starting to turn. "What do...?"
The Sabres watch it happen.
A woman, middle-aged, stocky yet quite solid in composure.
Human, not a boomer.
Unarmoured. Without any projectile firearm. Only possessing a pizza-sized flipping spatula.
And she uses it to behead Largo with one stroke.
"...you bel-...! SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!"
You can understand why the Sabres would have a LOT of trouble believing what they now witness.
CRACK!! Left arm gone.
CRACK!! There goes the right.
CRACK!! Now the right leg.
CRACK!! Left leg.
CRUNCH!! If he was human, Largo could kiss good-bye to ever having children.
CRACK!! Head split in half vertically, from scalp to chin.
CRACK!! Head diced horizontally at eye level.
CRUNCH!! Chest cracked open to pulverize his main fuel pump.
Silence then falls as Tampopo surveys her work, wiping her brow with satisfaction. "Well, that takes care of him," she shrugs, then focuses on the woman in the silver armour, knowing her to be the leader of the team from another dimension. "I assume you were fighting this cheap excuse for a robot atop Genom Tower after your friend here..." she points to Priss Asagiri, the blue Sabre, "...just lost her friend Anri."
Sylia is speechless. How on EARTH did this woman know that...? "I...!" she sputters, then jerkily nods. "Um, h-hai!"
"Soo ka (I see)," Tampopo nods. "Well, then, that means your friend here is suffering from a knife wound Anri gave her just before this thing..." she indicates the chopped bits of shattered boomer parts that had once been Largo, "...decided to blast her down. Let's get you all over to my restaurant; it's close by. We can get her patched up there."
"B-but..." Linna Yamazaki sputters.
"H-how did you k-know...?" Nene Romanova demands, her own voice shaky.
Tampopo sighs. "It's a long story, ladies. And I think after the fight you had with those boomer clones of yours at Tinsel City Bank, not to mention what Priss-san here went through at the Tower, you all would want a chance to rest."
Silence falls again as the four visitors from the future absorb what the chef just said, then Priss, Linna and Nene stare at Sylia. The Sabres' leader is trying not to pass out from the tsunami of conflicting information crashing into her mind. Gazing at Largo's shattered body, she tries not to gag as the sight of Tampopo hacking him into bits replays in her mind. A glance once more at the stocky chef, then she sighs. This woman knew who they were. This woman knew what they had just been involved in before they were transported here, wherever "here" was. This woman had taken apart a super-boomer, even damaged, in less than ten seconds using a huge spatula. This woman clearly could do the same to any of the Sabres if she was provoked. This woman just offered them a place to stay and rest up.
"Alright," Sylia nods...
Minutes later, Tampopo and the Sabres walk into the Ginza. The visitors from another dimension remain in their suits, helmets closed up. That was fortunate given the scenes of passioned fornicating they had borne witness to on their way out of the town park; it hid the blushes now etched on Nene's and Linna's faces, Priss' dropped jaw and Sylia's pale face. What sort of madhouse had they just dropped into?
"Tampopo-san!!!"
Tampopo stops, then looks over her shoulder as Ten-chan drives up on his hoverscooter. "Oh, hello, Ten! What are you doing here?!"
The young Oni stops beside her, then floats up to the chef's eye level, making the Sabres stare HARD at him. "Have you seen Lum-chan anywhere, Tampopo-san?!" he tries his best to be nice; Ten-chan himself had been through many altercations with Tampopo in the past, though she did take it easier with him than she did his cousin. "Something really weird's going on here?! There's this guy at the house and he..." his cheeks instantly flame. "W-w-well, he was doing all sorts of weird things to Ataru's mom..."
Tampopo hums, rubbing her chin, then she sighs. "I think she's still at school, Ten. Though if what I've seen so far today is spread out all over the town, I don't think you'll want to bother her until much later tonight. In the meantime..." she then smiles, giving him a wink. "I've got something for you to do if you're willing."
"What's that?" Ten-chan blinks.
"Well, do you recognize these ladies," she waves to her companions.
The young Oni looks, blinks, looks again, shakes his head, then gasps. "The Knight Sabres...?!"
"Hai! Just transported here from the middle of their big fight with Largo on Genom Tower, in fact."
Ten-chan takes that in, then notices the scuff marks and dents in the Sabres' armour. "Oh," he nods. "You think Lum-chan's spacializer might've had something to do with this?" he stares at Tampopo.
"Most likely. Unfortunately, it also brought Largo here, too."
"EH?!?!" he jolts. "Largo's HERE?!!"
"Yeah, but chopped up thanks to your friend," Priss speaks up, her synthesized voice tinged with pain, she waving to Tampopo.
"Really?!" Ten-chan floats up to her, then looks at Tampopo. "You sure he's dead?!"
"I pretty much sliced and diced his head, but it is smart to take precautions," Tampopo nods. "Look, Ten. Go up to Lum's ship or over to Lan's ship, find the most corrosive acid you can, then go to the park and douse what's left of him with it. Once you do that, give him a good dose of your flame-breath to make sure of it. If you do..." she winks, "...I'll give you two dozen Jalapeno peppers for it!"
Ten-chan jolts, then starts to drool. "Jalapeno peppers..."
"AND a bowl of my homemade kimch'i."
"Kimch'i, too...?"
"And six bottles of tabasco sauce..."
"I'LL DO IT!!!!"
The young Oni hops onto his scooter, then drives off. The Sabres watch him go, then stare at Tampopo. The chef returns their look. "He's an okay boy, but lives here without any sort of parental supervision," she explains. "C'mon, let's go inside."
She waves them into her shop...
Now what?
(Posted Tue, 21 Jan 2003 08:01)
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